Kul,
There is nothing easy about what you are going through, as so many of us are right there with you. The only thing we can do for each other is help support each other for every little step forward we make every day. I know it's especially hard on you because if I understand right it was your BF(some friend). It will have to run it's course, you know that from being here. What are you doing for you? Now is the time you take to make yourself the person you want to be. I am sure there are areas you have neglected over the years that you want to reclaim for yourself, we all do it. For me, it was just taking care of myself. I had been neglecting my emotional needs for myself, I was spent as far as nurturing myself. I had exhausted myself trying to keep WS emotionally strong because that is what he asked me to do, but he also expected that to apply to justifying his childish behavior and self-sabatoge of himself and our relationship.
So, you know darn well that the only person you have any control over is yourself and that you can't let the A destroy that person you are. You know we all understand and it is warranted for you to post when you are having those bad days. Heck, if we could cope everyday with the emotional barrage that swims through us we would have to seriously think if we were breathing. His A will most likely burn out, and I'm sure when he lands from his trip through "fogheaven", what sort of woman will he be facing as he looks at you? He might think in his state of mind that he does love her, heck if you did not have history of everyday life with someone, it's easy to think that infatuation and lightness is love, but we all know that sooner or later, reality does hit and when it does, he most probably will feel like a fool. To risk a lifetime of love and true companionship to the fleeting moment of fantasy, will make one feel really disheartened when the hit bottom.
I know this post does nothing for your pain, but at least know that we know how you feel and you are being thought of. Take Care
