Should i go out on a date to be able to tell H and maybe that would shake him in his shoes?

He came and picked up the kids today for a movie. He doesnt look good, i am sad for him. Feel bad for him.

However, he did tell me that on the big bad ugly Val Day him and his OW went out to dinner.

Oh i am so confused.

No, you shouldn't go on a date because you are married. It will also greatly damage any chance you have of reconciliation. Are you in Plan A? have you stopped all lovebusters? Are there things in the marriage that led to the conditions that led to an affair? Have you identified them?

There is no real answer about dating.

That said, if you do date, you might find yourself in an affair of your own! Affairs are painful for everyone the BS, WS and the OP. Do you really want to do this to yourself?

If you start dating, that will make reconcilliation very difficult because trust will be further demolished.

Everyone has a different answer regarding dating, I feel it is still an A, even if you don't talk to him, you are still married. For me, my WW has filed and we are cruising down the road to divorce. I know that I cannot date until after the divorce is final. That way I can say I tried everything I could to save my M and that I was faithful and honest with her until the end.

My quick answer to your question: You are still married and dating is out of the question. JMHO

STTSI

Melody and I were posting at the same time, I am glad that we agree with this.

I also wanted to say that it sounds like you want to date to make him want to come back to you. If so that is the worst possible reason, it will only backfire and will further degrade your M. It is also not fair to the OM that you would be dating.

Be true to yourself, is this really what you want?
STTSI

kuljey,

Its also not fair to your children to start dating. That will certainly not help the very little stability they have left in their lives. They need at least ONE of their parents to have some common sense and maturity.

VERY good points. I so love my husband, but he said he wants a D i v o r c e! I am so heartbroken.

For Val Day the day b4, he brought the girls a card. On my stepdaughters card H asked for her to not be mad at "her" (ow.) I try to not argue in front of the little one, our daughter (5.) I said, Wow Elena a card, thats neat. I said H wheres mine, he said, "what i have to say to you, hallmark does not print." I was like. I was being nice, funny around my little one!!!!!

So, i had a goal, after Val Day if he is still gone, i really know its over!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

ya know, the kids keep saying we want a new dad. God how do i deal with that? They are hurt w/their father. Hurt he keeps saying/making a big deal about OW. Do not be mad at her.. blah blah!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:
<strong> I said H wheres mine, he said, "what i have to say to you, hallmark does not print."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT are his complaints about you? What has happened to bring the relationship to this point?

well, we have had problems on and off. we have had lots of fun times, and had a daughter together.

he says AT FIRST, that he left cuz i am not Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker (which i came up w/those terms becuz i am not a cooker-i am the bill person.) Then he said that he was my servant.

Now he says that we argued to much and didnt want the kids around that.

And now he says that he just loves her.

kuljey,

My M is heading towards divorce unfortunately. I lose hope of reconciliation every day. We have a 6 yr old son. Having said this, let me tell you what Jennifer told me. She said "M to you is obviously very important. I suggest that you make a pledge to yourself and to your son that you will not date for a period of 6 months or 1 year after the divorce." She said that what usually happens is that the BS moves on about the same time that the WS wakes up. If the WS sees the BS with somebody else they may not want to break up another R so they do not try to reconciliate.

I hope this helps. Be well.

That was pretty mean what your H said to you! Are you in plan B yet? Have you stopped all LB's? Who has custody of your kids?

I also counseled with Jennifer and she said the same thing to me about waiting before dating again. Just give it some time before you jump into anything. Have you spoken to any of the Harley's? How about an IC?

STTSI

Kuljey,
re: dating, don't let your H's immoral behavior lead you into dishonorable behavior.

Married people don't date.
Separated is married.
Divorcing is married.

Even if your situation leads to divorce, you'll feel much better about your role if you don't drag yet another person into the mess before it reaches resolution.

I agree, do not date. Don't give our girls this set pattern that you are married, and that God allows you to date someone. This is immoral. I would after the divorce is final, wait 1 year. Jennifer told me 1 year, before dating. You need to get your life in order, and you need to see that you can make it on your own. You will become stronger, and your husband will like that.

Your daughtres are telling you this cause they are upset that daddy is not there. Tell them, that for now you will be their mommy and you enjoy being their mommy. That daddy will have to deal with being a daddy in his own way. Don't criticize him, just say what daddy is doing is not what God wants. That is okay, cause a christian would not do what daddy is doing. Just say we will pray for daddy, and please give mommy time to laugh and have fun with you, my daughters.

If they want to know what daddy is doing with the other woman, you could look in the bible for answers. Get a childrens bibile, that will express in terms that they will understand. Or ask your pastor to talk to them. The kids need to know that you are going through a hard time, and that you are dealing with a lot of emotioanl battles inside, and physically having a hard time.

Don't date. Don't put yourself down in his shoes. He is a sinner, and you don't need to show your daughters that you are a sinner too. Show them that you are morally correct, and that you still love daddy. (If you do). Wait, Wait. God be with you.