Basically, i have read and read and dont understand the plan a.

i have links to read this and that... still dont get it.
help.

Plan A as I understand it is all about finding out what happened in your M to make the A possible. It helps to fill out the EN questionaire to understand better. Once you know what it is your H wants in an R than you do your best to provide that for him. Most people don't understand that your EN's are usually not your partners EN's. This new understanding helps make things clearer.

The key to a good plan A is to stop ALL LB's! You don't want to give your H any reason to want to leave you. You want to be the best person you can be for yourself, your H and your kids! LB's have to go!

Plan A is finding out what your H wants and about you becoming a better person!

You should get the book Surviving an Affair from the bookstore here you should find it very helpful.

STTSI

Topie posted this yesterday, and I think, though it is by Dr. Phil rather than Dr. Harley, it's a good summation of how Plan A works:

Topie wrote:
This is an excerpt from "Self Matters" by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. It really hit home with me when I first read it. So much so, that I typed it out, and printed it out so I could read it whenever I needed the lift.

I believe that it's inspirational in doing plan A for YOU. Let me know what you all think.

"Hey, wait a minute here. Screw the expectancies; screw living for everyone else. They (whoever 'they' are) don't pay my rent, they don't come home with me at night and bathe my kids and cook my dinner! Why, then, am I living for what I think some ill-defined bunch of people expect of me? They don't get a vote anymore. I will no longer give my power away. I want it back, and I'm going to use it to be me.

"I want to make me happy by being true to myself doing what I care about. If I love music, I want to have music in my life. If I'm tired of being fat, I want to prioritize that change into my lifestyle. If I'm not being treated with dignity and respect, that's not okay, not now, not ever. I would rather be alone than sick with someone else. If I miss God being in my life because my husband is not spiritual, then he will need to adjust, not me. I'm tired of being scared all the time. Scared about kids, money, job, boss, parents, and acceptance. I want some upside here. I want to feel alive. I want to feel valued by others and myself. I want to get up in the morning, instead of dreading it. I want to have tremendous clarity about why I am in this world and what I am supposed to do while I am here. I want to realize this is not a dress rehearsal; it is my life, my one shot. I want my kids to know and have all of me instead of some half-assed counterfeit. I want them to really see all of the real me, my interest, my sense of humour, my values. I believe that children learn what they live, and I want to teach them by example to be proud, instead of showing them how to compromise. I want to live with peace, fulfillment, joy, and excitement. I want to be able to finish a day and say that the day 'felt really good.' I want to be able to say that I am proud of me and proud of what I did today. I want to be able to say, 'I like who I am and what I'm all about.' I want to feel calm and peaceful. I want to feel satisfied. I want to be able to say, 'I feel good.' I want to feel like I belong and I deserve what I want just because - just because! I want to like me for being there for me and putting what's important to me on my priority list."

plan a is pretty simple. be the best you, you can be. sometimes it is an effort, but do it. be the best wife, mother, homemaker, worker etc. work on you, plain and simple.

in doing this you become stronger. emotionally you start to believe in yourself again. it gives you your footing back.

part of plan a is meeting your spouse's en's. this is pretty difficult for most if the spouse is not meeting yours back. i hung on that way for 14 months. only recently did my husband start. it is tough, you will hear people refer to this as feeling like a doormat. i sometimes did, but i realized that i wasnt a doormat, and if this relationship ended in divorce, i can honestly say i did my best. i will continue to do my best n all i can. there are days i will fall short, i am human <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

ask questions and read all you can here-thare are some wonderful people here.

Kujey:

I have followed MB principles to a T and have closely relied on the feedback and recommendations from my friends on this Board. Marriage Builders has saved my marriage!! Believe in it. FOLLOW PLAN A!!!!

Try putting my name in the SEARCH and you will find valuable info about PLAN A.

I wish you the best!!!!

Plan A is for the betrayed spouse to negotiate with the wayward spouse to totally separate from the lover without angry outbursts, disrespect, and demands. These three Love Busters not only ruin any effort to reach a negotiated settlement, but they also make the betrayed spouse much less attractive to the wayward spouse. Instead of encouraging total separation from the lover, the anger, disrespect and demands of the betrayed spouse make the lover appear to be the only one who truly cares about the wayward spouse. They literally throw the wayward spouse into the arms of the lover
Does this make sense? Not necessarily HOW to do it but what you try to do in Plan A?

I hope this helps <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

OneGoings notable posts thread on "Just Found Out"

Click on the link that says "notable posts" .... then scroll down to find what you need about Plan A.

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>