Plan A:
Ok, negotiating for the WS to come back and leave the OP. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> what do i do w/that.

See, i have huge troubles with that. He has made it clear to me that WH is NOT coming back, he wants OW and she <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> makes him happy not me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So, so far my plan A is do not Lovebust him. He has been calling more often (at least up until this posting) and he tells me his Army Reserve stuff, work stuff--good and bad. So i am hoping that my teeny tiny plan A is working. OR, i am being played a fool of. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Anyone see anything i have left out?

Hoping for a return!

bumping for myself..for input

Yvonne,

That is all you can do. You have to stop lovebusting him and start meeting his needs [as best you can] to even get him to a point where he even considers ending his relationship with the OW. What you are doing is all part of plan A.

Ok, negotiating for the WS to come back and leave the OP. what do i do w/that.
Not much since you guys are not talking much. Leave the relationship talk alone for now, unless HE starts it. Even then, don't push it and ask him if he loves you, when he is coming home, etc.

So, so far my plan A is do not Lovebust him.
Great!

he wants OW and she makes him happy not me.

The idea of Plan A is for you to NOT make him unhappy. Since he is living with ow, she will at some point make him upset.

So i am hoping that my teeny tiny plan A is working. OR, i am being played a fool of.
He may be trying to play you for a fool BUT it doesn't mean you are getting played that way. You are doing what you need to try & save your marriage, NOT being manipulated by him.

You're doing fine.

eeeeeeeeks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

i called him today. he didnt call me at all, so i called him. he told me about some work stuff and asked, is there anything you wanted to talk about? i just said i hadnt heard from you. he was okay... then said "i am almost at the house" so he had to go. said he would call tommorow!

did i break my plan A!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

did i break my plan A!?
No, you did just fine.

Hi!

Let me start by saying I am still struggling with my situation, but I have been learning along the way.

In my situation, found out about A 12/16/02, so we are on the same timeline, but my H moved out the same day, was living with OW within days of moving out.

I did all the stupid LBs stuff initially, crying, begging, pleading. Finally called and said I would have no contact. That lasted 10 days.

I then wrote him a letter, and he called me. We have been talking ever since.

Things I have learned - don't give up hope! Don't give up on M unless it is what you really want. I have gone through and am still going through the roller coaster of emotions, but I think I am farther than I thought I would be 2 mos. ago.

Your H is calling you! That is more than mine did. Keep the calls pleasant, don't talk about A.
I would ask his opinion about things totally out of character for me, like told him I was thinking of a career change and going back to school, keep him guessing.

Follow your heart! Do what feel right!

I thought H was not ever going to leave OW, she made him happy, but she started to LB and he moved out. (small victory for me, no he did not move home, but I still am hoping)

It was difficult to Plan A when he was with her, but I did it no matter what. Every small success was a triumph for me.

I still struggle with depression, have problems sleeping (see my posts), but I am determined and I'm not giving up!

READ, READ, READ!!!!! Read everything you can get your hands on. I have gotten quite a library on Infidelity, but it helps to understand.

The hardest part is knowing you have no control over him or the A. You have to stand by and wait, and that is miserable. Other MB's have told me to take control of myself and I am trying to do that, and it's hard, but it's important.

There is a lot of support on these boards, use it!

I will be thinking about you!

Good advice.

I'm on the same timeline as you guys...made the same initial mistakes(who hasn't?)

Also feelin pretty good, despite the short time since D/Day.

Reading DOES help! (If anything it helps me get sleepy...)

Have seen some teenie steps with Plan A, most importantly, WH confused by my change in attitude, says he's not sure he wants a D, didn't want to go out the other night on a "date"(his term) but says he may change his mind. Still seeing OW though.

We're in this together guys! Your pain is my pain, your successes give me hope, your advice keep me focused and most of all.. sometimes... you even make me LOL!!

So i am hoping that my teeny tiny plan A is working. OR, i am being played a fool of.

Exactly what Chris said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He may be trying to play you for a fool BUT it doesn't mean you are getting played that way. You are doing what you need to try & save your marriage, NOT being manipulated by him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You've set some personal goals--no lovebusters. There's no foolishness there.

I think your call was fine. A friendly, once a day "how're you doing" call could easily be part of Plan A. Calling constantly, or late hours--don't do it.

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>

Aye, I'm in the same boat with you all!

My wife moved in with her parents, saying there was no OM and she wasn't having an A. 5 days later, she moved in with OM (i didn't learn about that for another week) I now know she's been talking with him for a few months.

She shows no interest in trying again, so I'm Plan A'ing the best I can. Don't LB, meet whatever EN you can, and make yourself an 'attractive choice' by just focusing on yourself some more.

I've joined the local gym and spend an hour or so each evening there. I'm making myself a more 'attractive choice', improving my health, and it really helps burn off some frustration/energy.

Lean on your friends and family. They are there for you, if you just reach out. Without mine, I wouldn't be standing today.

It's been a little over 2 weeks since my wife moved out (and less than a week since I learned she moved in with OM). I NEVER would have imagined I'd be this strong already.

But that's what it takes right now. We all have to stay strong.. Avoid LBing, meet EN's when/if we can, and basically not push the subject with our WS's. Eventually, the affair will fizzle. They'll begin LBing eachother, and the fog and addiciton of the affair will finally let us be seen again to our WS's. We just have to make sure it's a pretty picture they see when that fog lifts!

Stay strong, pray, keep your faith, and don't loose your hope. And please, keep posting updates. Everytime I read someone elses story, it seems to help me figure out what's coming next or makes me feel more comfortable with what's already happened in my relationship.

Just re-read this post and it's good to have this support for each other.

I'm having a "down day" today, if you read my other posts, and I'm thankful for any words of wisdom.

Every little triumph someone else has makes me feel better!

i am having a down month.

WH called about his daughters soccer game and practice. he was telling me they moved up his Army Reserve 2 week annual training that they moved up to March. He was telling me that "last night we (as in WH and OW) were watching CSI (the show we watched faithfully) then we watched Seinfeld (my fav show, the show we watched more faithfully w/my WH) and i got a all from my superior that the 2 week training will be moved up quite a bit, then another superior called me a while later, so we didnt get to bed till late." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

God, my anxiety is lasting all day! MY sleep is really comprimised right now too. I wake up on the hour! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

He seems to be sticking to his moving out, not wanting to come back.

I need hope.

I definitely agree on looking at the small successes! Focus on the positives that you see and use those to give you hope.

I've been in plan A since November although found out about the affair and found this site in July.

I think the biggest thing is not to push...and that is so hard when you just want an answer and want to have R talks. I think in November my H told me he wanted out because I was trying to pressure him into a decision. Now that I don't bring up any R talk (or at least very little) he hasn't said that....he did say the end of January that he talked to a lawyer but he isn't doing anything right now. He had told me that they want to see if they have a future together, that he doesn't want to lead me on, etc. But since I stopped the R talks hasn't brought anything like that up on his own, so I don't either.

My H moved two hours away this week for a new job, so it's more difficult now, but we still email each other all day long and talk each nite.

I have the feeling he is doing this to be nice, to not upset me as I am 7 months pregnant and as of right now, I think he believes he is going to divorce me for the OW (who's D will be final in April). However, whatever the reason for him not to be talking D or saying he wants out, I'll take it. Even if he thinks it's to make nice with me that's ok....when it comes down to, once the baby is born or whatever timeline he may be on...I still have this chance to make him want to stay with me. Feelings change and so even if he does really feel like he doesn't want to be with me now...he is not filing for D so I still have a chance.

I know it could get to a point where I've had enough, but I'm not giving up hope, and I'm taking any small positive I see and holding onto it.

I know it's easier for me to plan A as we do have daily contact, but the hard thing is the distance as it could take awhile for OW to LB him...I know I need to be patient though and just see what happens.

So, I think I have a lot of positives going, even though they are still telling each other how they will be together, are soul mates, etc. I think his actions are not consistent with his words...to me or to her.

So I hang onto any positive I get, keep my hopes high, and pray all the time!

what a story holding my breath. its amazing how the WH cant let go of the OW!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

these WS...man. i just came from doc for sleeping pill. i CANNOT sleep. i have anxiety all day now.

i go back to work march 10.

i am still HOPEING! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

i wonder if i will ever NOT feel this way. sad, lonely, missing him. even though he did me very wrong, i still love him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

trying to keep plan a alive.

I read all your post and it makes me sad. You guys are all doing so much better than I am. The only time my W calls is to yell at me about something. She will write me a line or two when I email her but thats about it.

So be thankful that you are where you are because it could always be worse.

Take care and try and have a happy day.
Danny

i am sorry danny. but WH i think wants something. i dont even think its genuine. i just have hope it is!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

why does spouse speak of ow to me like its NO big deal. it kills me.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

this a.m. his daughter, my step, was supposed to have a soccer game, it got snowed out. i called him to tell him, its snowed out.

he said would the girls like to do something, go eat pizza. i said i am sure they would. he said, OW's name that she has a class at 1030 so he will pick them up at 1100.

why does he talk to me about her like its NO BIG deal!? i dont get it. i dont want to fight and ruin my plan A, but why why why! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

why does he talk to me about her like its NO BIG deal!?
Very nicely, you tell him, "Please don't speak to me about her. I do not wish to hear about her."

Dont' argue or yell or cry about it.

ok, today. he came to pick up the girls. while i went w/my mom and sister to get a bite and walk at the mall. he called SEVERAL times, what r u doing, the kids are having fun..

ohhh, forgot a part. when he picked them up, the little one wasnt completely ready, so he came in for awhile. he said, i have something for u. he started digging out coupons from his wallet. they were Entertainment book coupons. i said, oh when did you get this, he said no its hers (OW.)

and even b4 that ( i am going backwrds here) on his way here he said he was dropping off his BDU's (army clothing) at the cleaners near our house--------way far away from where he lives. WH asked if he was picking up the 10 yr old from soccer monday cuz he would need to get to the cleaners b4 they close. i offered to pick them up. he gave me the ticket when he got to our house.

after he left, OH DID I CRY...........

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />