It's been a TERRIBLE day in this neck of the woods. First the b.s. of dealing with my stbxH and him going to jail (again!)... and now, I find out that a friend of mine's daughter is missing. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The girls' name is Shyanne. She's 11 1/2 yrs old. She and her family went to the beach for the day, and last I heard, she's been missing for a few hours. The search party (police, volunteers, etc) had started dragging the lake an hour or so before sunset. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Her mum has been a terrific support to me since I left the shelter. We all live in the same townhouse complex, and Shyanne is adored by my boys... especially the twins. She would almost always say hi to them, and get hugs too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , whenever she saw them. She also has two younger siblings.. one brother (Paul - 8) and one sister (Summer - 6).

Please pray that she's alive. As a parent who has lost a child to death, I know I can help her mum out more than some... but I don't want to have to do that.

I will update when I know more.... which may not be until tomorrow sometime. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Karen

<small>[ August 23, 2003, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>

Topie,
Sending thoughts and prayers for Shyanne. How awful - I know that is my worst fear that one day my sweet daughter (9) will suffer some misfortune.

How are your children taking the news that their friend is missing?

I hope they find her alive and well. Please update this thread as soon as you have any news. ((((topie)))) tew

Thank you for the reply tew.

I haven't said anything to the boys. The twins were already in bed when I heard... but they're also only 2 1/2 yrs old. And OS is 4yrs old, but I didn't want to say anything to him just before bedtime.

It's almost 10pm my time, so even if I got an update now, they wouldn't know anything until tomorrow morning.

And thank you to everyone who's read this thread and are sending out prayers. I appreciate that so much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Oh how awful... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm sending prayers to all who love her and those who are looking for her.

I am really sorry and I hope and pray that they find her somehow safe and well.

My prayers for her and her family.

LIR

I'm sorry to be so blunt in the title. But Shy's dead. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She was found further down the shore.

Having lost my oldest child to death 3 yrs ago, I know I can help Darlene (the mum) more than many others around here. Not that I ever wanted to be able to empathize with anyone about this kind of thing again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Here's a link to what little has been posted in the London Free Press (under "City Girl Drowns; man missing at Ipperwash"):

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/LondonFreePress/News/2003/08/23/166694.html

Thank you all for your prayers. Please pray for their family through this terrible time.

Karen

<small>[ August 23, 2003, 08:07 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>

Karen,

That's such terrible news. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful support for the mother during the dark days ahead.

Dobie

For those of you who have read my posts on here over the last little while... you may remember a few months back, I had posted about a young girl who had been out from school one day. I had given her crap for not being there, and later I found out that the school had no power, and the kids were allowed to go home, depending on their age.

She was SO MAD at me, and shunned me for DAYS. I apologized to her, and felt just terrible. I later realized that she triggered something in me. Her reactions (which were normal for a girl her age) were the same as my stbxH's... and that's why it was bothering me so much.

If you haven't already figured it out... it was Shyanne who I yelled at, and who, understandably so, was mad at me for a week or so.

I'm not feeling guilty for how I spoke to her back then, b/c it was the right thing to do at the time, and I also apologized for my actions.

I just thought I'd add this for part of my own healing process. The memories are going to pop up regularly now I assume. What I'm NOT looking forward to, is the possibility that I"ll be brought back, emotionally, to when Andrew died. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I"m up for that challenge, should it happen. I also know that I have all of you to turn to, should I need to talk about it.

Thanks again for listening.

Karen

Oh Topie, I am so sorry, for all of you. Life can be so hard at times. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Prayers for you, Karen, and Shyane's family as you go through this terrible time. May God hold all of you in a pocket of grace.

Karen,

SO sorry for you and your Friend. I know this will trigger so many thoughts and feelings for you. Plus it is so close to the anniversity of Andrew's death, I was thinking of you the other day.

I don't post much but do lurk. Know that you and your friends are in my prayers.

Dear Karen,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to your friend's daughter. Life is often unfair to many.

Our thoughts of care and prayer are with you and her family.

hugz,
L.

Karen,

I don't believe there is any pain that can compare to the pain of losing one's child. I am also sending condolences to your friend at this loss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

However, there is another concern I have. For YOU:
Your first post was quite explicit in giving details about where Shy's family lives (near you).

I trust this won't cause you any harm, from stbEX......aren't you sort of "hidden" from him? Or is he still in jail?

Sorry, I'm just worried about you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless you, your sons and Shyanne's family....asking God to send comfort during this terrible tragedy.

Topie---so sorry that you have to deal with a child's death. It will bring up pain from your own child's death, but it can be healing and what a comfort you will be to your friend!!!!! Nobody understands another's pain except the one who has experienced the same kind of pain. You know exactly what she needs.

This is really a very sad day for you and Shy's family. Prayers and deep sympathy to all of you.

TW

I am so, so sorry to hear this - having grown up 2 blocks from the beach, I know how treacherous the water can be, even when a child can swim - and I always watch my kids like a hawk when we go to the beach, but it only takes a second for them to slip away.

My thoughts and prayers for your family and hers.

Topie - what lupolady brought up also concerns me - your own safety - I remember once you said, when you were in the shelter, that you had to be careful what you posted, bcos your STBxH knew that you posted here and could read what you said. Doesn't that still apply? How safe are you really here, talking about some of the things you have? How do you feel about that? I just want you to be safe.

God bless you.
LIR

Edited to add:

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/LondonFreePress/News/2003/08/24/167614.html

Here's the link to today's article in the paper. The address isn't mentioned, as per the family's request for privacy... so for those who asked about it... it's safe from Dave's knowledge.

---------------------------------

Thank you all, for your replies.

In regards to my safety:

I think it's all fine. To the best of my knowledge, the address of Shyann hasn't been disclosed, so therefore, our (mine and stbxH's other victim, the babysitter) precise location is safe. Besides, he's already very much aware of the area we live in, b/c he would see us all the time, walking down the same road he flipped me the bird on.

I was scared to death of H when I was in the shelter. The thought of him coming near me, was more of the fear of him taking the boys. Also remember... at that time, no custody orders were in place. Now that I have sole (uncontested by him) custody of the boys, I am feeling much more secure for all of our safety.

Please remember too, that H is in jail right now. And even if he was out, technically, b/c his bail conditions state so, he is to NOT use any computer equipment, nor have it in his possession. I know, that doesn't mean he'll abide by those rules.

I finally feel safe about coming here to talk about things regarding my H again. It took a LONG time, however, part of what kept me from saying some things, was having certain knowledge that he didn't know I already knew. For example, even now, I have specific details of the evidence against him.. and although I would love to share this with all of you, I cannot. Because IF he is reading on here... I sure don't want to give him a "heads up". (isn't that right Dave? ).

On to Shy's family situation:

Her mum had a REALLY rough night last night. She had a panic attack, and was taken to hospital by ambulance. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I'm sure she's fine... but I will still post an update here once I know for sure what happened. Although she's only 29, she did suffer a mild stroke a couple of years ago, from stress at the time.

The viewings are tomorrow (Monday), and the actual funeral and internment is on Tuesday at 11am. I plan on attending both, but as I told them, I can't guarantee that I'll be able to stay for long. Of course, I'm still worried about triggers.

It's just killing me inside, to be on the "other end" of the death of a child. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I so desperately want to take away Darlene's pain... but I know that's impossible. There is only ONE thing that would make her better... and that would be to have Shy back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Been there, done that.

Things are getting somewhat hellish around our townhouse complex. As in any small community (or workplace), there are always b.s. things going on. "So and so said such and such" etc. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Well, it's coming to a head, and emotions are running high.

My biggest concern is for my sitter. She's taking so much of what is going on as a personal attack against her. Darlene didn't talk to her yesterday... and now she's convinced that Dar hates her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I wish I could do a "Vulcan mindmeld" with her to help her to "get it"... that it's not about her... that Dar doesn't really know if she's coming or going... and that what matters is that we're here for Dar in a month or so... when everyone else is gone, and going on with their lives. From personal experience, THAT is when your read friends come in.

SIGH!!!

I'm hoping to have time to talk to Darlene just one on one soon. But that's unlikely to happen anytime soon.

I think I'll write her a letter to validate what I KNOW she is feeling right now... things such as she knew Shy better than ANYONE, and therefore NO ONE can relate to the pain she's in right now. How pissed off she is that the world hasn't stopped... don't they know that her daughter just died?!?!?! And how can anyone laugh? How can she? The guilt is too much to bear. What she wouldn't do to have Shy back. How much she hates that there are other kids out there... be it really bad kids, or really sick kids... who want or should be with God, but are still sufferring here on earth. Why couldn't they go instead of Shy? etc. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks folks... this is rough. I think I might go and have myself a good cry. It's been a long time coming. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Karen

<small>[ August 24, 2003, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>

Karen

I am so very sorry to hear this sad and shocking news. I will be thinking of you and your friend and family. How awful, how hard, the good get taken so young....

Take care of yourself too during this difficult time.

Lisa

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/LondonFreePress/News/2003/08/25/168320.html

Here's a link to today's newspaper report.

Darlene was home the other night by 3 or 4am. I would assume that the hospital staff gave her some meds, and some support group information.

She's got tons of people at her house to help her out right now. When I spoke to her last night, she said she WANTS lots of people around.. so it's good she's getting what she needs right now.

I've loaned her my camera, and put a 12 exposure 400 ISO film in it for her to use too. I suggested she get pics of Shy at the funeral home, for family and friends who can't attend, and for the kids (and her) when they're older. Just to remember. I did that with Andrew too... and I'm very glad I did.

What a week! Ugh! I'll update on another thread about stbxH. For now, I don't know if he's still in jail, or getting bail again, or whatever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Karen

I went to the viewing tonight.

Shyann looked beautiful. The colours were right, and she really did look peaceful. She was surrounded by friends (yes, other little girls and boys), and flowers and little teddy bears, a deck of playing cards that she used with some of her girlfriends here in the complex (everyday they were out there playing... I could see them out my front window), etc.

I wasn't sure how I'd be, b/c of Andrew. But I did well. Until a neighbour read a poem while Darlene knelt next to Shy, alone. I bawled. I couldn't stay anymore.

I won't be attending the funeral tomorrow, because I can't bear to go through it all again. I found myself reliving Andrew's loss, by watching Darlene. I know she'll understand... at least I hope she does. I feel kind of selfish for not attending... but I just don't feel up to it.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. It's meant so much to me and Dar's family... even though they don't know about it yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

How very sad, it breaks my heart. The poor little tyke. May God keep her close to Him in heaven. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />