Just to clarify do you mean it was a lie in the past or this is a woman he currently still does not admit having an affair with?


Ok current lies or still lying about the past? About what? Be specific.

I must again ask if you're getting any support from your exposure targets? Are they holding your husband to account? You sound worryingly overwhelmed and alone in this.

Hi
About current stuff the lady he had the drink with they are on a committee together with other people
and he lie about a email she sent out to all committee needless lie i read it and it was sent out to all
he got caught lying and then lied again to cover 1st lie and got caught again i did ask why lied he didn't
have a answer except to say i shouldn't tell white lies not to him but will ask him to tell people i'm not at home
if phone rings i said my white lies don't hurt people and rather don't answer phone and let people leave messages

Hi
Have been to see a therapist twice she has told me my husband has abuse me
and when i ask her would she see both of us together said no only me will see
her again this week Friday,trying not to get friends and children involved Mervyn
has been to see pastor unfortunately he has been sick only back this week
Some days i think i'm crazy and all of this is a waste of time as Mervyn has never
been committed to this marriage,

Mervyn�s Wife,

I think you need to ask yourself if you 1) want to move on from the past regardless of what that was or the details surrounding it, and focus on affair proofing the marriage and making it great from here on. Or if you 2) want the full truth about the past, perhaps giving you the bump you need to get out of this marriage.

I myself do not think you have even scratched the surface of what your WH has done over the years. It seems from your story that he had a long period of time without any affairs or indescretions, and I just don�t believe that. I believe you are married to a serial cheater and you only know what you know. You CAN move forward from here and leave the past in the past even if you don�t know everything, and affair proof from here, it is possible as long as you are with him all the time and he does not have ANY opportunity to have another affair. If you want to do this you would need to do as MelodyLane says and stop talking about the affairs you know about.

However, if you also don�t think you have all the information and you don�t know if you can move on without it, I like Indie would recommend having him take a polygraph. Ask him to make a timeline of ALL indescretions, and then have him take a polygraph to prove that he has finally given you the whole truth. I do not think he has. I do not think I personally could move on in a marriage with a serial cheater if there were so many loose ends and unanswered questions. But you have to know by now that you constantly bringing it up in this way is NOT going to get you the information or resolution that you need.

If you are unclear about which avenue to take here, I would highly recommend you email Dr Harley and ask for his advice.

Can I have Dr Harley's e-mail address.please.
My husband is 74 at what age do men become affair proof.

I'm sorry to point this out, but Mick Jagger is 75, and look at the way he carries on.

Age has nothing to do with his behaviour (your husband's, or Mick jagger's).

Pablo Picasso was a life long womanizer until his death age 91. You cannot afford to give the impression you would even consider waiting. There is nothing stopping him from changing his lifestyle today.


It's this address:

mbradio@marriagebuilders.com


At this link:

www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

But before you do that, I thought it was worth reminding you that as well as the standard checklist conditions (such as exposure to everyone you know and radical honesty about all affairs) Dr Harley also recommended on your husbands thread that he should not drink.

Has he done ANY of this stuff?

Mervyn�s wife,

He answered on his own thread that a bunch of stuff on the checklist was complete. However, due to the short nature of the answer, in addition to some of the things you have said, I really do not have faith in that. Can you confirm what on the checklist has been complete?

For instance, regarding exposure, you have said you do not want to involve friends and children. Do they know about the serial cheating or not? If you have any hope at all, they will all need to know so they can help you keep him accountable.

Also, it sounds like he is still a member of the committee where he met and went out with a woman for a drink recently. Is that true? He absolutely cannot be a part of ANY outside activities where he will have the opportunity to pursue other women, because he will.

Is he fighting and yelling at you, and purposely telling you hurtful things, in addition to the affairs?

The friends know some of it and also children
Yes he does fight and says some terrible hurtful things i have asked him does he think i'm a slab of meat
with no feelings
He has told me some very intimate details of the 1st affair i found out about in the last couple of months
from their 1st date to the ladies underwear and a lot more even when i asked him please don't also said in the years of affair they never has cross words with each othr
so i asked him for the same respect
I have no where else to go financially or somewhere else to live i'm 66 years old
The committee he belongs to has bar it is a mixed group of people so he doesn't have to go to the bar
when the other members have left he still can't see what he did was wrong

He hasn't drank for while but all the stuff i know about happened during working hours.
i have asked him for the last 40 years to please come clean and tell the truth i did believe
the 1st affair was a couple of months the fact he lied for so long and i never knew really hurts
i can't move forward because i don't know what is coming next i'm i going to find out he has
children out there with grandchildren i'm trying to keep this family together i breaks my heart
that i have allowed this man to do this i dread to think what is round the corner i need to
know otherwise i can't do this a second time too much pain

You wouldn't leave. He does.

So...people 'knowing' is not exposure and you only mention a handful of people when it should be everyone.


There's been no exposure and no fall out for him of reputation. He also doesn't risk losing you? This explains his 'no big deal attitude'.
Your supporters should be making sure you are taken care of.


So he hasn't even left this committee? The one with drink lady?

He should not be a part of this committee any more.

Mervynswife, the purpose of exposure is to gain support for your marriage. The more people who know, the more people to hold him accountable. The purpose is NOT to ruin his reputation. Close family and friends should be informed of his affairs.

Secondly, he should not be attending a committee meeting unless you are with him. Probably best for him to just quit since he went to a bar with a woman the last time.