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Joined: Jan 2010
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I would assume that this uncertainty on her part is going to continue for awhile. And every contact with the affair partner is going to set her back.


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Joined: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by CYk752

She brought it up the other night after our date, I went to kiss her and she pulled away. She said that she wasn't ready to have sex or be intimate and she wasn't sure why. .


I would just reassure her that this is really normal amd natural and not allow it to be a focus. Love isnt created through sex, its the end result so it wont help you. Go nuts on the affection end of the spectrum where she is comfortable and where love grows slowly and naturally. Indeed her efforts to jump start her own engine with a therapist have nearly undone everything. Hack!

Besides it is normal and natural. Her main complaint re work hours is still unaddressed. She knows your main complaint is unaddressed too and also that she's not ready to address that complaint.

Women dont want sex when situations are up in the air and unsettled. Particularly a long running complaint and her most vocal worry. This is also clearly worsened by the fact she's in low grade contact with OM. She may want to want it, but thats not the same thing.

When a plan is place it will still take some time after that for her to relax. So i would not worry about end results like sexual desire before starting positions are found; i.e. jobs solutions and NC.

"You are more important to me than my career" is gold. Jobs conversations are where the real intimacy is at. Focus on having this conversation over and over, about solutions and plans and affection; and dont let her dwell on anything so beside the point as her current sex drive.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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