Most cheaters lose all their good friends. The only ones who will remain are the enablers and the bad people. I am sorry for your friend, but she is making the right decision.

Thank you!

What do you mean by enablers? Bad people around us will continue to be our friends? Most of our friends are strongly behind me and kids. And to a very large extent pushing for divorce.

No, only bad people will continue to be HER friend while she is cheating. An enabler is a person who condones cheating and helps her be a bad person.


They are good people!

Good Morning - update.

I called my wife to check how was our younger one after her missed sleepover opportunity last night. She said fine. Then She started don’t text me going forward. I am alone because of you going and talking to all her friends. You have taken over all my friends. I told her that I have not stopped her talking to anyone. She continued that it was my strategy to isolate her blah blah blah... she continued that all these are good reason for her decision to not stay with me.

She also asked how long friends are not going to send the kids as our friend told her that I have said to not send kids for sometime. About two months ago, my wife got super angry and had fight with my younger one in front of her friend. After that friends parent had expressed concern of sending kids and agreed with them that not to send over kids until thing gets normal.

I also told her that no point in taking same things over again. Let’s plan day for kids and work on them.

When she complains she is alone because of your exposure, I would remind her that she is alone because of her affair. If you had exposed that she won the nobel prize for humanitarian efforts, she would not have alienated her friends. All you did was expose the truth. You are not responsible for her bad choices.

Also, it is FANTASTIC that she feels isolated. That is a direct consequence of her affair. It will force her to start thinking about her poor choices.

She is talking to him on a daily basis and possibly meet a couple of times in a week. She is now openly admitting.

So the strategy now is to be nice to her, don’t engage in too much argument, discussion with her, be inviting and nice. Hope she and the OM develops certain kind of dislike for each other?

Don’t engage in ANY argument at all....ever. Be nice and inviting and continue to repeat the talking points I gave above. If she meets with or sees her OM, ask her to stop seeing her adultery partner because it hurts you and your children. Say this in front of your children and the in-laws.

Thank you!

Quick q: our friend organize a religious festival at their backyard for the past 15 years where we go every year for 3 days. My wife does not want to go this year as everyone know about her adultery. Kids want to go. She is resisting us going there and have already started making noise about it. I have told her I am going with the kids. And then she goes on rant. Should I go or stay away?

I would stay home with her! Just let her know if she feels uncomfortable then you will stay there with her. Can your girls go alone without you? I would not go and leave her there alone.

It’s going to be lots of people and we have decided not to leave girls on their own anywhere.

I see that slowly my WS is removing her marital status and the picture we had together from Facebook and other accounts. In fact she had removed marital status long time ago. I was surprised to see and added it back few months ago. It’s gone now again.

That is why you need to keep focussing on plan A. She will be all over the place, so you need 5o be the best husband you can be.

Can you plan a nice activity to replace the festival? Family time is a way of spending time when she does not want to be on a date with you. Being a good father scores you points. Think of something she and your daughters would like.

Thank you GoodyShoes.

What is the best response when she says you broadcasted this and now everyone knows? She is not wanting to go anywhere. Friends who were still supporting her have now started distancing with her.

Gname, her friends have distanced themselves because of her affair, not because of your exposure. Of course she hates being exposed because she is embarrassed. If you had exposed she won a nobel prize for humanity she wouldn't be embarrassed. You can't reason with a fogged out wayward or make her like it by saying special words. Being embarrassed is a good thing, not a bad thing.

All you should say is: "I was just spreading the good news. Is there something wrong with your affair?"

Honestly, why wouldn't she want this news out? Is there something wrong with the news of her adultery?

Thank you Melody.

I just learned from one of my WS girlfriend that during my WS 40th Birthday party in Nov 2016, the OM had corrected her bra strap. She was jarred by seeing that and had told her husband. This was early part of the party when not many of them were around. She obviously did not tell anyone else. it seems I had gone to the basement to get some stuff. I am guessing that someone to get to this comfort, I may have taken 6-9 months. This now makes this affair at least 3 years.

Another girlfriend of my WS said that she had come to visit our home in early/mid 2016. The OM has held her hip and moved her around. They thought she did not see. It seems I was on business trip that week. This girlfriend also told her husband and no one else. The OM has given a gift jewelry of ~usd 8k to her on that birthday. Honestly, I did not pay attention who gave what to her.

I wonder if I should even try to make this marriage work.

Nobody would blame you if you decided to end this marriage. But you do not need to make that decision right now. You can stay the course and follow Plan A, showing her your best self and being the better option. If the affair ends and reconciliation happens, you can still end the marriage if you decide you do not want to continue recovery.