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Originally Posted by Gname
This is the message from other kids mom and our best family friend who has been supporting both of us:
=====
Gname, I am done with Xxxx (my wife) today- she has today put me in a situation of questioning & I don’t deserve it...she doesn’t care about anyone & now I don’t give a [censored] about her.

I am relieved that I see what all other girlfriends saw in her- that’s only deceit - she is just fakeness that’s it. I am not angry or disturbed I am just sorry that I spent all this time with her. “
=====

She also accused me for not dealing with her strongly with my unfaithful wife and allowing her with all these tantrums and dance on other head. Our friends are getting annoyed.


Most cheaters lose all their good friends. The only ones who will remain are the enablers and the bad people. I am sorry for your friend, but she is making the right decision.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
It's all good but delete the last line! No, you won't accept or respect a destructive decision!! That is a very uncaring thing to say your wife. If you CARE about your wife you will never accept or respect self destructive, stupid decisions. Please don't ever tell her you will accept or respect this!


Thank you!


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Most cheaters lose all their good friends. The only ones who will remain are the enablers and the bad people. I am sorry for your friend, but she is making the right decision.


What do you mean by enablers? Bad people around us will continue to be our friends? Most of our friends are strongly behind me and kids. And to a very large extent pushing for divorce.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Originally Posted by Gname
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Most cheaters lose all their good friends. The only ones who will remain are the enablers and the bad people. I am sorry for your friend, but she is making the right decision.


What do you mean by enablers? Bad people around us will continue to be our friends?


No, only bad people will continue to be HER friend while she is cheating. An enabler is a person who condones cheating and helps her be a bad person.

Quote
Most of our friends are strongly behind me and kids. And to a very large extent pushing for divorce.


They are good people!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Good Morning - update.

I called my wife to check how was our younger one after her missed sleepover opportunity last night. She said fine. Then She started don’t text me going forward. I am alone because of you going and talking to all her friends. You have taken over all my friends. I told her that I have not stopped her talking to anyone. She continued that it was my strategy to isolate her blah blah blah... she continued that all these are good reason for her decision to not stay with me.

She also asked how long friends are not going to send the kids as our friend told her that I have said to not send kids for sometime. About two months ago, my wife got super angry and had fight with my younger one in front of her friend. After that friends parent had expressed concern of sending kids and agreed with them that not to send over kids until thing gets normal.

I also told her that no point in taking same things over again. Let’s plan day for kids and work on them.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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When she complains she is alone because of your exposure, I would remind her that she is alone because of her affair. If you had exposed that she won the nobel prize for humanitarian efforts, she would not have alienated her friends. All you did was expose the truth. You are not responsible for her bad choices.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Also, it is FANTASTIC that she feels isolated. That is a direct consequence of her affair. It will force her to start thinking about her poor choices.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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She is talking to him on a daily basis and possibly meet a couple of times in a week. She is now openly admitting.

So the strategy now is to be nice to her, don’t engage in too much argument, discussion with her, be inviting and nice. Hope she and the OM develops certain kind of dislike for each other?


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Don’t engage in ANY argument at all....ever. Be nice and inviting and continue to repeat the talking points I gave above. If she meets with or sees her OM, ask her to stop seeing her adultery partner because it hurts you and your children. Say this in front of your children and the in-laws.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Don’t engage in ANY argument at all....ever. Be nice and inviting and continue to repeat the talking points I gave above. If she meets with or sees her OM, ask her to stop seeing her adultery partner because it hurts you and your children. Say this in front of your children and the in-laws.


Thank you!


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
Joined: Jun 2019
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Quick q: our friend organize a religious festival at their backyard for the past 15 years where we go every year for 3 days. My wife does not want to go this year as everyone know about her adultery. Kids want to go. She is resisting us going there and have already started making noise about it. I have told her I am going with the kids. And then she goes on rant. Should I go or stay away?


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
Joined: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted by Gname
Quick q: our friend organize a religious festival at their backyard for the past 15 years where we go every year for 3 days. My wife does not want to go this year as everyone know about her adultery. Kids want to go. She is resisting us going there and have already started making noise about it. I have told her I am going with the kids. And then she goes on rant. Should I go or stay away?


I would stay home with her! Just let her know if she feels uncomfortable then you will stay there with her. Can your girls go alone without you? I would not go and leave her there alone.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane

I would stay home with her! Just let her know if she feels uncomfortable then you will stay there with her. Can your girls go alone without you? I would not go and leave her there alone.


It’s going to be lots of people and we have decided not to leave girls on their own anywhere.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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I see that slowly my WS is removing her marital status and the picture we had together from Facebook and other accounts. In fact she had removed marital status long time ago. I was surprised to see and added it back few months ago. It’s gone now again.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
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That is why you need to keep focussing on plan A. She will be all over the place, so you need 5o be the best husband you can be.

Can you plan a nice activity to replace the festival? Family time is a way of spending time when she does not want to be on a date with you. Being a good father scores you points. Think of something she and your daughters would like.

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Thank you GoodyShoes.

What is the best response when she says you broadcasted this and now everyone knows? She is not wanting to go anywhere. Friends who were still supporting her have now started distancing with her.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Originally Posted by Gname
Thank you GoodyShoes.

What is the best response when she says you broadcasted this and now everyone knows? She is not wanting to go anywhere. Friends who were still supporting her have now started distancing with her.


Gname, her friends have distanced themselves because of her affair, not because of your exposure. Of course she hates being exposed because she is embarrassed. If you had exposed she won a nobel prize for humanity she wouldn't be embarrassed. You can't reason with a fogged out wayward or make her like it by saying special words. Being embarrassed is a good thing, not a bad thing.

All you should say is: "I was just spreading the good news. Is there something wrong with your affair?"


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Honestly, why wouldn't she want this news out? Is there something wrong with the news of her adultery?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Thank you Melody.

I just learned from one of my WS girlfriend that during my WS 40th Birthday party in Nov 2016, the OM had corrected her bra strap. She was jarred by seeing that and had told her husband. This was early part of the party when not many of them were around. She obviously did not tell anyone else. it seems I had gone to the basement to get some stuff. I am guessing that someone to get to this comfort, I may have taken 6-9 months. This now makes this affair at least 3 years.

Another girlfriend of my WS said that she had come to visit our home in early/mid 2016. The OM has held her hip and moved her around. They thought she did not see. It seems I was on business trip that week. This girlfriend also told her husband and no one else. The OM has given a gift jewelry of ~usd 8k to her on that birthday. Honestly, I did not pay attention who gave what to her.

I wonder if I should even try to make this marriage work.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Nobody would blame you if you decided to end this marriage. But you do not need to make that decision right now. You can stay the course and follow Plan A, showing her your best self and being the better option. If the affair ends and reconciliation happens, you can still end the marriage if you decide you do not want to continue recovery.

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