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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Writer I recently got a new job paying a third more than what I was making and would be happy to brainstorm here or on your H’s thread if he’d rather talk there. Is he plugged into the local unemployment office program for professionals? I had a friend who went there who helped me overhaul my resume with the advice she got. It took 6 hours but immediately I got recruiters reaching out to me on LinkedIn.

That’s the other thing is your H on LinkedIn? The job market is crazy hot right now they are staffing for the new year. Many jobs are not listed, and if he has the keywords by his name they can find him.

Is he willing to work remotely? That opens the doors to opportunities that may pay more than locally depending on how well they compensate where you live. That helped me too because they pay poorly here but I got a 100% remote job with a local company so they pay a nationwide rate.

He has met with the local unemployment office. He’s also had someone I went to school with who is an expert in job searching critique his resume. He’s also on LinkedIn.

Honestly I don’t know what the issue is. He gets lots of responses to his resume and lots of interviews. He’s made it to the 2nd and 3rd round of interviews a number of times, but they always end up going with another candidate. I wonder if it’s an age issue (he’s 52 now)?

He’s definitely open to working remotely. That’s what he was doing before and he would prefer to stay remote. He’s applying for both remote and in person.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
The company I’m working at is looking for software sales SaaS let me know if I should send the name of the company to the moderators I don’t know if they can pass it on to you.

That would be awesome if possible. His last position was sales for a software as a service company.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Writer that’s great feedback that he’s getting lots of responses on LinkedIn and getting to those 2nd and 3rd interviews. I don’t know what headhunting firms work in his field but they are good at getting him to the right jobs and giving useful interview feedback too. I notified the mods on the previous post and sent the job req.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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@NewEveryDay - Thank you for the assist!! Hopefully they can get it approved or over to me one way or another.

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Originally Posted by writer1
I need help dealing with resentment...

..I’m looking for some strategies to help me control my resentment because I’m having a very difficult time avoiding angry outbursts and love busters right now, which I know I need to get under control.
Dr Harley speaks about resentment being a logical response to having been hurt by someone. It is your subconscious telling you to protect yourself from this person. Dr Harley actually says that the more affairs there have been (or the more one single affair has never died but has kept recurring - and both these things have happened to you), the more there is to resent. The more that has been done, the longer it will take, even assuming that the WS is exemplary from a certain point on.

Your resentment over your husbands treatment of you is wholly understandable. The resentment will fade if he does not repeat the behaviours, and if he meets your ENs and avoids love busters. Of course, meeting your ENs includes supporting you financially, which he is unable to do at present. That situation must be resolved urgently.

It's not the resentment that you need to control, but the angry outbursts and other love busters (what are these)?

Angry outbursts are controlled by practising relaxation when something happens that arouses your anger. Have you read about this technique on this forum?


BW
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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Angry outbursts are controlled by practising relaxation when something happens that arouses your anger. Have you read about this technique on this forum?

I have not. Do you have a link where I can find that?


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
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It should be in Anger Management 101


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks, Brainy, for supplying that so promptly. The problem is that these days, the clips you provide do not seem to work, and that whole thread is made up of clips.

Do you know of any threads where the detail of the method is discussed? I'll have a look later myself. I think there might be a Harley article, also.

I know that Dr Harley recommends a Galvanic skin response reader for people with a bad anger problem. You might be able to find them on Amazon, but I don't think it's necessary to shell out for this purchase if you can learn the techniques without it.


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Is this aplicable to both of you or does your H have his angry outbursts under control? In one of your previews posts, you mentioned his AO being a problem during your entire marriage.

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Thanks, Brainy, for supplying that so promptly. The problem is that these days, the clips you provide do not seem to work, and that whole thread is made up of clips.

Do you know of any threads where the detail of the method is discussed? I'll have a look later myself. I think there might be a Harley article, also.

I know that Dr Harley recommends a Galvanic skin response reader for people with a bad anger problem. You might be able to find them on Amazon, but I don't think it's necessary to shell out for this purchase if you can learn the techniques without it.
You're correct that the clips seem to not work anymore.

Here is the article that Dr. Harley talks about the galvanic skin response reader How to Negotiate When you are an Emotional Person


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here is the article that Dr. Harley talks about the galvanic skin response reader How to Negotiate When you are an Emotional Person

Thank you!


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
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We’ve encountered a problem with me husband’s new job. The job was supposed to be remote for awhile. The exact wording in the employment offer was “this will be a remote position with the possibility of going hybrid or in-person in the future.” That was basically the same as his previous job, and though we really wanted a permanently remote position, after going three months without an offer we really couldn’t afford to pass this job up.

Now, after only a week, the company did a complete about face and told my husband yesterday that he had to come into the office in person today and that he would be working full time in the office from now on. Needless to say, we were floored. My husband has worked remotely for the past two years and, even though it’s obviously still possible to have an affair while working from home (he had two during that time - one emotional and one EA/PA) obviously there’s a lot more opportunity while working in an office. His company is based in California and for their Utah employees they just rent a few offices in a shared-space building with a lot of people working in individual offices for a number of companies. So my husband will be working in a large office building with employees from his company and many others. He has no choice if he wants to keep the position, they made that perfectly clear. And since Utah is a right-to-work state there’s really nothing he can do about the abrupt change in terms. They can fire him for no reason at all at any time.

Neither of us are comfortable with the situation. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression all day, which has made doing my own job extremely difficult. Even though it isn’t what we hoped for, my husband is continuing his job search in hopes of finding a better position that will be permanently remote. Meanwhile, he has to stay at this job until he finds something else. After three months living off my income alone we just can’t afford for him to quit without something else lined up. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this situation until we can solve the problem. My husband is doing what he can and has called and texted me multiple times throughout the day, but I’m still struggling. I’m looking for advice on how best to deal with the situation?


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Have you thought about emailing the Harleys?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you thought about emailing the Harleys?

I hadn’t really given it much thought. I could do this. It seems daunting to attempt to explain this whole mess, which is probably why I didn’t initially consider it.

I will write the email. Right now, I’m dealing with crippling anxiety about my husband’s work situation. I’ve been having an extremely difficult time functioning and I still have my own job to maintain and my daughter to care for. I’m not doing well at the moment.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
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If you link your thread, they can read your background.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Originally Posted by LongWayFromHome
If you link your thread, they can read your background.

Trying to figure out how to do that? The problem is, I can only access the forum on my phone. It no longer works on my very old MacBook. But I need to use the computer to write the email. Right now, I’ve just been posting on the forum through my iPhone which is tedious. I get a “this site is not secure” warning when I try to go on the MB site on my computer and it blocks the site.


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You can usually overrule that by clicking on: show me the reasons and the certificate and then making an exception.


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And also you can write wonderful emails on the iphone by using speech input.


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Originally Posted by happyheart
And also you can write wonderful emails on the iphone by using speech input.

I’ve never tried that before. I’ve been typing here with my thumb, which gets tedious.

I did try overriding the security problem on my computer but it wouldn’t let me. I can do it on some sites but not others.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Originally Posted by writer1
I get a “this site is not secure” warning when I try to go on the MB site on my computer and it blocks the site.
You need to clear your cache to get rid of this warning and block.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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