I am not Dr. Harley of course and you should surely carry on your conversation with him and ask him directly. It is great he is supporting you directly.

But i can say that Dr. Harley has regularly been skeptical of 'therapy' that revisits past traumatic experiences. Why bring the past into the present? These experiences are a red herring and not the problem. They did not impact your marriage before the affair, did they?

The problem is the affair and not what happened in her childhood or in previous marriages. Please ask Dr. Harley his position and share with us if you are willing.

Me: BH
Marriage: 22 years
2 kids
D-Day 5 Sept 2011
EA w OM started Fall 2010, PA w OM Spring 2011, OM died end Sept 2011