My husband came over last night. He called and asked if he could stop by. I said sure. He had left eariler angry about bills. My husband makes a nice income, but not for 2 households. He is staying at his folks, but if he needs to stay away for a long time feels he needs to get his own place but realises he cannot afford a place.<BR>But anyway, He is not happy to be at home. He is here sitting on the couch hardly talking. I do not know what to do. Do I snuggle like we used to do or it that pressure. Do I do some chores aroung the house and give him space? I decided to sit with him a while, but he does not talk and I decide he needs space so I start doing chores. About a half hour later he says he got to go. I asked why and he said I was too busy to give him any attention. Good greif. He is angry and I am just giving him space but all I really want to do is snuggle on the couch. So he comes back in. Daughter takes shower, one is at a play at school, and son goes to bed. While daughter is in the shower he says he does not even miss being here. Urrrggg. This is a eagle scout and a boy scout leader, someone who until this EA started loved his kids and being with them. He has had to travel with his job for months and months, long before EA started. I think that is why it started. He will be home all weekend, sleeping in our bed finally while I am gone. What my question is, while he is trying to be home a little more, but what do I do? I want him home, I love him, the kids want him home and love him too. He says he has no feeling for me now. But how do I deal with this anger. It is like he does not want to be here, but is forced too. I should say that we had a great day driving his Mom van to KC. We have a great lunch, sharing dessert, Like old time, then we came home to the bill to reality...then this anger. Please advise.

i think the anger is just guilt misplaced. I thnik all you can do is engage in conversation dealing with anything but your marriage.<BR>good luck- i hope you receive more replys

Try to concentrate on doing things for your self. Your husband is responsible for his anger. You can offer to listen if he wants to try and get things off his mind, but I know from experience that some times the anger will likely be directed at you making it difficult to listen to. <P>Good luck and patience.

Do you ever wonder if the anger is at you, because YOU represent that he can't have the OW and his "freedom"? I do agree that it might be guilt, for sure. But, I also wonder if our betraying S's are mad at us for wanting to stick it out, therfore, increasing their guilt and in their warped minds, maybe evejn they blame us for "messing up their goood thing" with the OP.<P>It's a little early for this warped kinda thinking, isn't it?????? <P>Roll Me Away

my3kids,<P>Your H sounds like my W after about 3 months following discovery.<P>Very angry with me for not giving her space... like RMA says... it was very much a matter of me representing a road block to her "Fantasy World"...<P>It is still that way for me... even after W moved out almost 3 full months ago (now OM lives in her apartment.)<P>I normally make the recommendation to try and keep H at home... once he is out... there is only more "poisoning of you marriage" by the OP! It seems in many cases that S moving out to be with OP is the "normal" course of events that just have to follow.<P>If that is the case you've got to just Plan A your hardest... but don't be a doormat! Show some self-respect... you aren't getting H's respect. <P>What are the particulars that you have to do...<BR>I don't know...<BR>Like I said, my W moved out!<P>Maybe...<BR>Try and work on youself, like TimJ says...<BR>Try and fullfill his needs...<BR>No Love Busting...<P>Many prayers for you tonight...<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...