Thank you all for responding to my earlier posting "God is a Loving God". It is warming to see so many people in one place with such Faith, Hope and Love.
A lot of my studying came from one book "Winning your Husband Back, Before it's too Late" and it started with "Develop an Overall Plan". If I may, I would like to share it with you.
Once I had admitted where my relationship was, I had some choices to make:
1. I could decide to remain angry and blame myself or my husband. (This will result in me being stuck where I am until the pain becomes so unbearable that I finally admit, "I can't go on like this forever." Anger and blame become terribly self-destructive as well as deadly to any possible future reconciliation with my husband).
2. I could decide to grieve and stay depressed. (If I continued to grieve over my marriage, I may already be filling out it's death certificate. What husband would want to be around a constantly depressed wife? If the marriage isn't dead, don't bury it prematurely).
3. I could decide to bargain with God or my husband. (This attitude is characterized by, "If you do __________ then I will do _________." Bargaining seeks to manipulate God or my husband into being who I want them to be or into doing what I want them to do.)
4. Or I could simple decide to assess the situation realistically, accept reality, and refuse to stay stuck.
SO I CHOOSE #4 and first I decided that I was going to:
1. Establish Christ as my fulfillment in life,
2. Become whole again,
3. Get support,
4. Discover ways to energize myself during the remodeling process,
5. Honor my husband,
6. Open my husband's closed spirit. Try to reverse the damage I have done to my husbands spirit.
7. Forgive my husband,
8. Keep further damage from happening,
10. Become a student of my husband. Learn about my husbands relationship needs.
11. And if he doesn't come back.... I've have become and better person in Christ and found my way back to God.
God bless you and please continue to pray for my husband and I.