Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#342585 03/05/03 01:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 139
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 139
Should a spouse continue a friendship that began when we were separated?

My story: met when we were 16, together 25 years, married 23 years, separated a few times. Basically, I took on most of the responsibilities and he was slow to mature (I take my share of the blame here). Our final separation was last summer (2 months). We had reached a crossroads where he ordered a motorcycle without my knowledge, let alone enthusiastic agreement. This was after many years of spending and denial that there was a problem.

After counseling (individual), we reconciled in September. I was aware there was a friend in the picture. I found a few emails, innocent in appearance, but he had saved them so I wondered. I didn't think much of it until just after the holidays, when we were in the same bar as the friend. A friend of mine pointed her out. For the rest of the evening I observed my H acting very uncomfortable.

I didn't confront him until a month later, when we were going to that same bar (he plays in a band there about once a month). I decided that I needed to know where his heart was at. So I told him I had heard that he was still in contact with her. He didn't deny it - in fact, he said it had been eating at him, and it didn't feel right, but he didn't know how to end it. I told him that his behavior was hurting me, and hurting his friend by leading her on all these months.

We've had quite a few discussions about this. I have asked him to have NC with her. He hasn't kept that promise for more than a week at a time. He says not to worry, he is where he wants to be. I believe that, because all of his actions prove that (except one).

I told him this morning that I will stop worrying when he stops feeling the pull from her.

Any advice/encouragement is greatly appreciated.

#342586 03/08/03 12:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 242
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 242
Mistymars,

the 'friend' most definately needs to stay out of the picture, that lure is just too much for a marriage to survive. No contact is the best advice I can give.
As long as he holds on even if it's a little, he is not giving you 100% that he should be!
Gods Blessings on you, SW


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 140 guests, and 97 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,810
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5