So now William J is gonna try your approach... and I can see that it could work. But I have to ask again, and I'm sorry if I seem like a broken record...<P>I have fought no matter which side I'm on. My H has <B>not</B>. He has had several emotional w/ slight physical affairs. I fought to win him back. When I was unfaithful I wanted to kill myself, I had great shame and guilt. I read everything, came here, prayed, hoped, cried, and as now, complained about my situation. But all the while, I fought, and kept fighting. Did he fight for me, woo me, try to win me back? No, and in fact, "fell" for someone from his church (since my affair) for whatever reasons - sadness, retaliation, who knows?. He goes there alone, I'm not invited. He is not fighting for me <B>at all</B>, and in fact, is continually punishing me. <P>I would <B>kill</B> to have my H post what William did. I want my H to <B>fight</B> for me! <P>I don't know why, but I feel like you hold some key for me. HELP!

BY THE WAY, I've never ever in all the time I've been here posted this many new messages in even a WEEK... <P>I am standing on the edge here... I feel a change coming... and I'm scared sh*tless...

NB<P>I have read many of your posts and have sometimes replied.<P>They always begin ...<P>I am both betrayed and betrayer....<P>Forgive me but I think you have to decide what you are. Having both experiences does give you insight, but it also confuses the cause of your pain.<P>From your post it sounds like you want your H to recognise you as betrayer - fight for me!<P>If you truly want your H back, I suggest you think of yourself as betrayed and fight for your H, even though your betrayal seems to be his reason for his latest affair. Remember there is no justification for the affair only in the mind of the betrayer.<P>In the current state of mind your H will not fight for you, he is acting as a betrayer not a betrayed. <P>I hope you don't mind my intruding. I only want to help with some change in your thought process, whatever the outcome. <P>------------------<BR>It's always darkest before the dawn

NB,<P>I can feel your pain coming through each and every word.<P>My beautiful W has given me no affection for two months it hurts like hell to know punk-a$$ OB is getting it all. In fact it feela like if she were to give me any affection she'll be cheating on HIM!<P>We have been living apart for 3 weeks now. I don't suggest separation. You can't realy work on M apart.<P>Like Genie said in her post DO NOT expect anything from S. Thats a hard a$$ pill to swallow. However I think Plan-Aing the crap out of someone will eventualy get to them.<P>Look at his love bank and deposit, deposit, deposit. Eventualy YOUR ballance will be greater than hers.<P>If it werent for hope I would not have the ability to change me, pain is a great motivator.<P>Hang In,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

awoken, since he's betrayed me <B>four</B> times, I choose betrayed. I am tired. And I'm sorry if I sound testy, my head hurts like heck and I should leave this computer, but H is in bed already and I am, as usual, alone. And frankly, I'm just too tired to do this anymore. I'm close to tears because it seems like I'm the only one trying, and have been for <B>YEARS</B>. I can't do anything right. <P>Don't worry about intruding... and I don't mean any offense. I'm just sick of this.<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited December 05, 1999).]

Hey, Sheryl....by glass #3, my headache went away!!!!! (See, I remember!!!)<P>DON'T follow my example. I gotta work tomorrow and three is TOO much for little me!! <P>Stay strong. Heading for your other posts.<P>Lori

Okay her I go...<P>My H has also had multiple affairs, this latest being the most intense. While we were separated I received attention from other men although I was to stuck on H to act on anything.<P>Sometimes I thought that I would be better off without him in my life and that should be the first serious question to ask yourself. Do you want him in your life still or not?<P>If your answer is yes you do then you have to do what you have to do. I know how much you would like for your H to say this and do that but he either is or he isn't and from what you have said he isn't, and you can't make him.<P>So either decide to do it yourself or don't, the decision is up to you but only you can make that decision for yourself.<P>As far as encouragement because I know exactly how hopeless you are feeling right now, yhou are somebody and you are worthy of the best. <P>I wish there was a magic word or phrase that I could say to take all of your hurt and pain away but there just isn't. It truly is a mindset that you have to achieve. So decide; either you want your marriage enough to do what you have to do or you don't. <P>Either way you and you alone have to get it together, do not let your H or anyone else continue to rip you apart like this, and especially don't do it to yourself.<P>Anger, sarcasism and lovebusters is not the answer in either case, but you must think more about yourself at this point so that you don't crack!!<P>I will think more on this situation and get back to you but for now try and do something for yourself and give yourself a night off, sometimes it makes all the difference in the world.<P>Genie

Genie,<P>Where'd you come from...heaven?