I am new to this site, and have not had a chance to check everything out. I understand the Basic Concepts. I need help with the situation I am in...I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Maybe this isn't the right place, but here is my story. Please respond with any help or advice you have...I am desperate.<BR>My name is Rhiannon, I'm 23, a single parent. My SO and I have known each other for 2 months and have been in what was supposed to be a committed, monogamous relationship since the day we met (pretty much). He didn't make the mistake, I did. I am just getting out on my own, just getting out of a string of abusive relationships. With my SO and I, things were not perfect, but they were good. Better than I had ever hoped for myself. I started working outside of the home for the first time since my little girl was born (she's 11 months old now). After two days at my job...wait. This week my SO and I were very distant because of what ended up maybe being a misunderstanding. I was the one who misunderstood. I thought I no longer wanted to be with him. At my new job, I met someone I was very attracted to physically. Last Thursday night, we started talking. He was attracted to me also. He told me all the right things...I want to settle down, I want someone who will be there all the time, I can see it happening with you, etc. He walked me home, and I invited him in. He ended up staying the night...and the rest is obvious. My SO came by the next morning...the OM was still here, but he did not know for sure. I told him he needed to walk away from me. He came back to the door and said he didn't want it to be over. He was going to declare his love for me right then. I stopped him and told him again he needed to walk. I called him later at work, and told him what I did. We talked for a bout an hour, his reaction what I expected...crying, yelling, etc. He came over that evening and we talked for a few more hours. He said we have to do something. He didn't know if he could stay with me or not, but he wanted to. Now the anger has set in strong. He broke his hand last night. He came by this a.m. to say Look what you did to me. He is angry that I am keeping my job - I don't have a lot of options. I will never work with the OM. I don't think I will ever see him. I have no interest in an affair - this was a one time thing. I want so badly to save this relationship. I realized right away that I LOVED my SO, that I wanted to spend my life with him. He looks at me with pure hatred. Please, give me an idea of where to go from here. I want to save this. I want to make it work. What do I do? How do I do it? Anyone, any advice, threads, whatever you can give me. Please help.

RL...<P>Sounds like you have quite a confusing situation, to some degree. As I read your brief story, one thing sticks out right away to me...you are coming out of a string of abusive relationships, and after this incident and you coming forward, your SO breaks his hand? Forgive me for noticing, but if he can break his hand, I think you may be in for more than you bargained for here. Two months is not nearly enough time to know full well the personality you are dealing with. Don't let the fact you want to settle down allow another *mistake*. Take your time and read and have him read too. This site and the people in it are a wonderful source of support and strength to let you begin building together. The anger and the yelling, and the violence to himself stick out in my mind. It is just a thought from your short notes, but I know from being in an abusive relationship, we tend to relive experiences with other partners. I think before you profess this is *the one*, look into your relationship and his anger a tad deeper. Understand, I am not judging, nor accusing you or him. That does not happen here, but for some reason, those lines stuck out in big bold letters to me.<P>Beyond that, if you two are really going to give it a go, you BOTH must read How to survive Infidelity, in this site, and keep reading every relevant part of this site, as well as buy the book and do the exercises. You two are starting off on shaky ground, but it is not impossible to strengthen things. If your SO doesn't commit to this, then I would rethink your relationship. There is going to have to be a lot of healing, forgiving and rebuilding done here and that takes time and effort, love and understanding. If he truly loves you, and you him, then you two have a chance. But you must both work hard and work together. <P>*From our greatest fears come our bravest deeds.*<P>Best of luck, <P>T

Right on, Trueheart...RL, please listen. It is really tough to be a single parent..I don't know this from personal experience but from friends and clients I've seen suffer and endure great loneliness.<P>It isn't worth it, though, for the conditional of a man who may hurt you...the accusation that you made him break his hand (how did that happen, anyway? It sounds like you were not even present when he hurt it?) If SO is already blaming you, that's a red flag right there.<P>Do you have family/friends (NOT this other guy) who can protect and support you? If you have left a string of abusive relationships, may I lovingly suggest that you let yourself heal? You are a person of significant value yourself and your eyes are opened now to the fact that you deserve more. Please give yourself time to really love yourself and find out why that magnet to the wrong guys exists within. If you can possibly find counselling, do it. If it's impossible, we are all here for you. <P>Learn to love you. Then you will know what an awesome special woman you are and hopefully you will meet someone who sees that in you. Sounds like right now is the time to let your women friends help support you emotionally. I really hope you have some trustworthy people in your life.<P>I can't stress it enough...you are a very special woman. Allow yourself dignity..you deserve it and incredible but true, it can be found without a man...I think you will find when you feel better, Mr. Right will be ready just like you ...hopeless romantic <P>thanks for your courage to seek advice...lots of support here..you've come to the right place <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Rhiannon Love, How are things going for you? Just catching up a bit and actually may be offline over the weekend as I am moving but not far. I hope things are better. We care about you. Please let us know what is happening, OK?<P>thanks...FS