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#464448 11/12/02 04:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 127
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I'm new to these boards but I had read the How to Survive an Affair book. I didn't really grasp the concept of Plan A very well and my WH had already moved out. I unsuccessfully did plan A and then moved to plan B several weeks ago.

Since then I've been reading all of these posts and determined that in my anger and impatience to get my H back, I had not been really in a plan A but really went straight to a plan B after a lot of craziness.

My question is, can you go back to a plan A or have I really screwed up by going to plan B too fast? My H seems willing to talk to me and spend limited time with me as long as I don't ask him questions about our future, the OW, etc.

If it is possible to go back to a plan A, how is it possible to keep your head from going to the place where you realize you've been betrayed beyond belief.

Also, I'm pregnant and the baby is due in January (this happened prior to the A and may have been a contributing factor). My H and the OW had only known each other 3 weeks before the A began and they were discovered the first night of sexual contact by OW's H.

Also, is it true what they say that most affairs last only 6 mths once exposed? When this first happened, the idea of 6 mths seemed like forever. Now it's not seeming so bad, but when I read the posts it looks like these things can go on A VERY LONG TIME.

#464449 11/12/02 08:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 187
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yes.

I've heard of Steve Harley recommending that people go back to Plan A when they are in Plan B because they did not do a good enough Plan A.

Plan A is to set things up so the WS can see that you've made changes, without LBing, and are a safe place for WS to turn when A dies a natural death.

If you have not done that (it seems like that is what you are saying) then you should go to Plan A. You probably should consult with Steve about all this.

Also, becareful not to keep going back and forth between them as it will only confuse WS.

Additionally, be aware that Plan A is not easy and WS may seem to be doing one thing (things start to improve) and then do another (things not improve) and hence it becomes a rollercoaster of emotions for you (both.) During this time, don't let the WS's words/actions throw you off the path of Plan A and cause you to LB.

#464450 11/13/02 03:14 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
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I did. My H contacted me after 6 weeks in plan B, I just kept the conversation going. It has probably ruined my credibility a bit (with him), but I still had 'stuff' to do in plan A - like you do. I couldn't cope with plan B.

Later I rang SH and he said I should plan A even though I have been for (too) long - I don't have kids.


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