My wife for 14 years has just left for her company Christmas party, doesn't want to say where it's at and didn't want me to attend, this has been an on going process for several months and at times I wish the finances were available to hire a private investigator to help me figure out what the heck is really going on.<BR>I will try not to be redundant, but again married 14 years, two children, 13 year old girl and a 10 year old boy, I am 46, my wife is 36, My children at this point are what I would consider lost ( more than myself ) poor grades actually failing, my 13 year old which hand had written material I have found in her room has left me in complete shock!<BR>other Internet chat messages just saddens me, when bringing this material to my wife's attention and at the same time going through a conflict with her with our relationship, which is in short me telling her I need more help with the kids, when they were younger and we lived in San Francisco, I was able to deal with them but as they are growing up, finding myself needing the help of their mother and keep on trying to express this to her, I am not a mean person, so when my wife and I confronted our daughter with my findings she actually had the nerve to say a few of the written papers she had no idea how they got in her dresser and the other tried to say that it wasn't her hand writing, which in fact we knew it was, my wife in the end tried to say that was just talk....I really don't think so, after speaking to a few people who have teenage girls about the matter of my daughter and their girls, if and how they dealt with the matter, in fact they expressed how they put their foot down, my wife seemed to take it a little more serious, but I am the one here with the kids, My son I feel is suffering from the same neglect of mama that we are all suffering from.<P>about my wife: ( mama ) since our move back here to PA things seemed to be getting along pretty good, she had taken a job in the day time and we were all together as a family in the evening, went places together, started going to church and I was feeling very encouraged and could see a future as a family, then about 4 months ago she changed jobs, she had bought a new car for her self, another cell phone and her attitude towards myself and the children had switched like night and day, all of a sudden all these mens numbers started showing up on her phone, men calling her up on her cell phone at night time and how it was brought to my attention was one evening when I was in the basement I came up stairs for something to drink, heard her voice and thought she was saying something to me, so I walked over to the stairs and heard in a conversation with someone, at first I had no idea who it was but just listened and if one read between the words it was more than social chit chat, he is a 30 year old male, (we don't have any problem in the bedroom, I am always willing), so after she was finished I had walked up stairs and looked at her and she asked what was wrong, and I had asked who she was speaking with, she just became silent, would not say anything, I had said common' this is not fair we are a team husband wife and family so lay the cards on the table, what's going on? she told me it was none of my business, again I said that's not fair, and so we exchanged words but nothing that was of a yelling nature, I had just wanted to know where I stood, if anyone was abusive I feel it was from her side, telling me I had no life, and to go out and find one ( I thought I did , her the kids and our small jewelry business which I will tell you about down the line ) she was going to talk to whom ever she wanted and didn't care what I had said, told me to go F my self. well in the mean time my daughter had called to get picked up, so on the way driving I started thinking about her conversation and started putting two and two together and realized who she was speaking with, when I got home and got in bed I said that I knew who she was speaking with and told her why, I had uttered a few things before I had fallen asleep, she didn't say anything, the next morning she said that he had called her to talk about his girlfriend, well if that was the case the conversation had taken a whole different road when I was listening, and not sure why he would be calling my wife about it?<BR>As I started becoming more alarmed by her shift of attitude I started becoming suspicious, whether it was right or wrong I had to try to see if I could figure out what was going on, so I every once and a while would turn her cell phone on to see what numbers were on it, they led back to guys , if everything was innocent then what was the big secret, if they were platonic friendships, then why hide them from me, why not introduce me to them, that could have made all the difference in the world and when I started worrying what was up , just a few times I took a look into her purse, I know it's not right! but I was worried about the state of my family and when we lived out west she never had a problem if I had opened her purse to get some money out if I needed it, now everything turned into off limits.<BR>So as the weeks went on she was and at times turns very bitter towards me and the children, and at times I would lose my cool! and yell backin basic because I was hurting, I had searched the Internet looking for advice about marriage, mediators, family councilors, I had run into this one site that I thought had some very good rules and advice for marriage and family <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/</A> I had read through the site and printed out the discussion topics, my Wife, after I had asked her to read them, kind of browsed through them, it's possible that she did not like what she was reading and had just sarcastic words for me, my reply was I wasn't the one who wrote it it's was then I realized that it takes two to make it work, it's just sounds solid too me. so after about a week I had asked her would she please listen to one of the DR's radio pre-recorded playbacks on Family Commitment, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html</A> well she mocked it but the next week she did come home early a few times and we and the children went out to dinner one night and when she returned from the rest room before we left I said, thank you babe for being here with us and gave her a hug which turned into a family hug, I am not sure if the radio show had any part in it, but I know something not right, why all these phone numbers, why be secret, what's their to hide, I would really like to know, is she cheating on me???do we have no future??<BR>I felt like I had to say something to my parent's about it just for the fact that we weren't showing up for Sunday family dinner, well my mother was up set my father wasn't to happy to hear about it, but told me if that's the case the get the darn camera when you suspect something and catch her in the act.<BR>none of this has been wearing on me very well, I have lost 15pounds down to 155lb @5"9 I have a very hard time keeping my focus on anything, while in the mean time till I Am able to get my Jewelry Business off the ground on the east coast, I took a job in a near by hospital to help bring in some extra income, so I had gone home last week one day for lunch and browsed through the security camera, just to hear my daughter say that she had taken a shower the night before as my wife had mentioned to me when she dropped my glasses of at work, well I started gasping for air when I heard her make a phone call for a one room apartment and take her clothes, it knocked me off my feet, I had called her at work and when she came to the phone I just said babe please, don't walk out on me,I we,all need you, she said we would talk about it later, I didn't push anything, kind of pulled myself together and went back to work, well I was standing in a back store room and my boss walked in, he said what's wrong? I had explained to him what I heard and saw and said I feel like I need to go down to her place of work and talk to her, he just said, go, he understood, so I did, walked in and asked if I could please speak with her for ten min. she came out and knew I was very up set and again I said babe, please don't walk out on me, told her I don't know what's going on, I am very confused, maybe I am not conveying to you the right way but all's I know is something, I was at the point of trembling, I had explained what I saw on the surveillance tape, she said she would be home after work and we would talk, it was after that she started coming home a little early and we went out as a family, and have spent a little time together, but still remains firm on her privacy and having her own friends, what friends I have back here have accepted her, we have a history together a family, these are just new people coming into her life which to me I would not be calling a friend, a mere aquantaince, how can they hold more value than us, her family who have stood by her through all her up's and downs, good and bad.<BR>I love this Woman and I love my Family and would like to remain a family, but the truth has got to come out, what in God's name is going on, I stop by the alter every day and ask God to please bring us back together as a Loving Family with Spouse and Family Commitment. What is she going through, I am the one in my mid life, not her
