My husband and I have 3 children, ages 10,6, and 3. We have been married for 8 years. About 22 months ago he developed a "friendship" with a young woman. This woman has four young children. She grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father. She had her first child at age 14. She does not work and does not have custody of her children. She also has a drug problem. My husband says he became her friend because she is a nice person, with a lot of problems, and no one wants to help her out. He says he does things for her, such as take her to court for a traffic violation. He has also given her money for things such as buying her children christmas presents. <P>He informed me of this friendship about18 months ago. We have had many discussions over why this "friendship" developed. We have determined that our marriage started out with bad communication. We have gone to a counselor and are in the process of learning better communication skills.<P>My problem is that I have asked my husband to terminate this friendship, and he won't. I know he talks to her on the phone. He claims that he has not seen her in person in a month, however I do not believe him. My husband says that I should continue the counseling and things will improve. I do not know if improved communication will really eliminate his friendship with this person. <P>I have been working on rebuilding our marriage, however every time things are going well, I find out my husband has lied about something pertaining to his "friendship". I am continually torn between being nice, and being angry over things my husband has done. I am trying to move forward, but I don't know if it is possible as long as he has this friendship.<P>My husband claims that he is not having an affair, has never had sex, or even kissed this woman. He says if he was having an affair, he never would have told me any of this.<P>In order to save the marriage, should I ignore his continuing friendship and hope that with improved communication he will stop?

My feeling is that he is not giving any concern to your emotional needs. He needs to be in counseling with you. Otherwise, his lack of concern for your feelings makes him untrustworthy in my eyes. I know I am commenting without knowing the whole story, but that is my opinion.<P>How would he feel if the situation were reversed? I'd bet he would feel very jealous about it. Don't get me wrong, helping another person is the Chrisitan thing to do. However, if he's serious about this, he shouldn't see her unless the both of you go. If this idea intrudes on his privacy, then there is more going on here than meets the eye.<P>As a male, he may also feel good about someone having to rely on him. It must make him feel needed. Are there any needs at home that your husband is not getting from you that would cause him to want to provide support elsewhere?