It's so strange for me to see my H like this. He has been a very nice and caring H. He notices all the little things I like and did it for me before I ask. He takes care all the housework too. <P>I didn't know one and half year ago, for something I said in a fight, (I told him our marriage is not going to work) it makes him felt like this will come true since then. I think since that day he just watch me and remember all the little things to prove our marriage won’t work. <P>He agrees with me to move to the country my parents lives. I moved there early because their health problem. After two months, I got his phone call ask for separation. I was shocked. He said he doesn’t want to move at all. And he asked me don’t move back either. I asked him to see a therapist. He went there twice and stopped. He said the therapist thinks I am a controlling person. And he is an adult why he let that happened. He said his life is more important. He is thinking his life now. He pushed his unhappy feeling back for past two years. He will not do that anymore. And he took his ring off. After two months, I decided to quit my job to move back here. During that time we talk on phone, and e-mail a lot. I can’t stand it. Because he read my e-mail wrong and hear me wrong. After I found out he is angrier for what he though I said. Even I try to explain he won’t listen. He said I am making excuses. He is angry for I am moving back after he told me he wants to be alone. <P>I have been home for 3 weeks. Everyday he comes home with an angry face now. He said because he doesn't want to send me a wrong signal. He wants me to know he won’t change his mind. He will not save this marriage and he wants me to accept this soon. We can’t even talk normally now. If I try to start a subject, I either got no reaction or very short answer from him. He won’t have a regular conversation with me. He can only talk to his friends in privet. He found a place and will move out in this week. And we are going to see a therapist tomorrow. <P>He agrees to see a therapist with me after he moves out. But the reason he said he would go is to let therapist know he does not want to try to work on our relationship at all and she should focus on help me accept this (he is walking out of this relationship). He doesn’t want me to change. He said that is not natural. He thinks nobody should change. I felt bad, because my father past away last week. And He still telling me, he needs to think for himself. He is the most important person for himself. He is very upset because I talked to his friends. I just asked them what happened in past 4 months. But now I felt he maybe tell his friends something is not true. Such as we already separated. His new best friend, a female co-worker, told me sorry to hear our marriage is falling apart. I felt I still don’t know what’s happening about me. And I can’t talk to any his friends it only make him comes back and yell at me. <P>He needs to go to a bar tonight, because his new friend Joe asked him the other day. Before he left home, I asked him if he got hold with Joe. He said yes. But later I got a message from Joe saying he is returning my husband’s phone call and he couldn’t make it. I never get a chance to Joe. I wonder if he knows anything about me at all. I felt hurt again. I felt I couldn’t trust my husband anymore.<P>There are 3 major reasons he wants to quit. - Social life. -How to spent money –he doesn’t want to spend his energy and time on our marriage – he will meet someone is right and eventually I will find someone too<P>He does not think either one of us should change any. If it is right person, then we should fit without any changes. (I don't even think I need to change for the things he complains, because those are little things I don't care to do his way or my way. Because those are not important to me, I didn’t realize those are so important to him) He said he already spend 2 years to tell me. And I didn’t change any. Why I am changing now? And he doesn’t want to spend more time with me to see the changes.<P>We use to go hiking and have a good time. And last year I didn’t go with him. And I always let him go with his friends. Now he doesn’t want to go with me anymore. He doesn’t feel have fun to go hike with me.<P>He thinks I don't like most of his friends. It is not how I feel anyway. I really enjoy going with him to visit his friends while we just married. After we moved to here two years ago, we don’t have mutual friends anymore. And he said even two years ago, he doesn't think I want to be part of his friends group because I didn't talk to them too much. He said he went to our friends wedding. He saw all couples are happy together. And he feels no longer bonding with me. He doesn’t feel he loves me anymore. He doesn’t have affection for past one year and he won’t be able to love me like before. During these 4 monthes, he feels life can be alone and happy and healthier without me. <BR>Hope someone can tell me what to do.<P><BR>*NSR, thanks !<BR>Update-<BR>H moved out for a week. He won't let me know his phone number and address. Even I know he lives around 20 mins away. He came back once when i wasn't home to do his laundary. And after he left i found out he was using ICQ for cyber sex. and for past one year he has used that a lot. <BR>I am trying use plan A. But don't get a chance to see him or talk to him. <p>[This message has been edited by thcmch (edited March 06, 2001).]

Welcome <B>thcmch</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>First of all... I'm sorry about your father passing away...<BR>It is sad to see that your H isn't supportive of you during such a difficult time.<P>About what you can do...<BR>...first of all... what you can't do is change your H...<BR>...you can nost directly change you...<BR>...and through your changes...<BR>...he may change his mind and stay.<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>This female co-worker may have a greater influence on your H than you beleieve...<BR>...but even so...<BR>...Plan A is to focus on you...<BR>...you becoming a better W and person.<P>Your H may be in a "fantasy" world...<BR>...and for him to "snap out of it"...<BR>...could take some time.<P><B>You are not alone</B>!<P>Read all you can from this forum...<BR>...starting at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>