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#743189 01/14/03 08:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
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DanaB Offline OP
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Hello friends,

It seems like I haven't been here in ages. I just wanted to send a quick update about where I've been.

I started my new job in August and closed my daycare business down. I also relocated to the 1000 Islands area, and in October, I remarried.

In December I graduated from college with my second degree in IT and a 4.0 GPA. I have to tell anyone who is going thru this whole affair business, that returning to school did wonders for me. It got me out and around people again. It gave me a sense of direction , helped me keep my mind off the exH and the affair, and I did something for me, that no one can take away. No one helped me, I did it alone. I would definetly recommend it to anyone.

It wasn't easy. As a single mom with 3 kids, I worked 50 hours a week, took the kids to a night daycare, stayed up all hours studying and barely slept. But it was a small price to pay for the future we can have when I have a much better job.

Marriage is going great for me. I'm not naive. I know that affairs can destroy a marriage and I know that second marriages have a larger failure rate, but this time I also know about needs, and that it's ok for me to have my needs met too. It's ok to receive and not just to give.

My exH continues to remain with OW yet they never married. The engagement that hurt me so deeply 3 years ago, is just nonexistent at this point. Supposedly he is never going to marry her because he says "why buy the cow when the milk is free", (his words, not mine).

Recently, exH lied to the court and told them I took kids out of county without his knowledge, it was total lies, but I was ordered to drive 3 hours each way for all the visits.

Last week, it was reversed, we now meet half way. ExH lost all holiday visitation (remember, he left on Christmas, served papers on Vday, ignored kids on all holidays?), I got a judgement for all back support, and on top of it, I was granted sole custody and right to make all decisions on my own. It was the major victory I needed 3 years ago when I divorced.

I just wanted to let my friends know I'm ok. I made it . I made it past affairs, plan a, plan b, other women, all of it. In the end, I still own a house, I ran a successful business, and I remarried. My ex is suffering a miserable existence and is so much worse off in every way of his life.

OW still doesn't let him talk to me much about OUR children, but my husband is their primary male role model now. I gave up a few months ago when my middle daughter was being tested for leukemia and lymphoma and my exH wouldn't get involved for the sake of comforting daughter's fears and being a real dad.

Thankfully it was a bad case of mono that tricked us on blood tests but we're all still recovering from the scare.

I know that there are new people here every day. Looking for help. Answers to the affair, how to get the ex back, or just for comfort.

I discovered MB just 2 days after ex left and I don't think I'd have survived without it, literally.

I want other people who come here to know that Plan A and B are great, but if you can't make the marriage work, once you finally give up and make peace over it, and just let it go, there is a better life out there.

And the principles in MB work in any relationship, I think it's a great concept.

Prayers and hugs to you all, It took 3 years, but it's finally in the past,
Dana B.

#743190 01/14/03 11:32 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
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Hi DanaB,

I remember you, I rememeber when the OW dumped your WH and he tried to commit suicide, right? I'm happy to see you succeed in everything now, what you say is true about school, it forces you to apply principles and positive goals for yourself. I think more than anything its getting around a positive people environment and you're challenged to learn new things. When d-day first occured I couldn't have done this because my mind was to occupied with constant pain, but I see now that too much idle time doing nothing and not being challenged makes you dwell on the betrayal too much......Sure I read about what happened to me of how my WW cheated and betrayed me but thats from the victim standpoint and its all true what she did, now things are turning to what is the victim going to do to empower themselves from all the betrayal. After God heals you and pick you back up then what are you going to do? Well going to school for me is a small step to a bigger picture...Congratulations on remarrying and a new job! There is life after DV...

I like the funny comment your exh made "Why buy the Cow when the milk is free" [Big Grin] ...I guess he knows he has a true heifer. [Big Grin]

Take Care

#743191 01/15/03 12:00 AM
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Hi Dana,

It's good to hear from those who have gone before me, you give me hope for the future, no matter where that leads.

I am in awe that you went to school, worked full time while raising 3 kids. You truly are an inspiration!

God Bless,

D.

#743192 01/15/03 12:19 AM
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[QUOTE]
I am in awe that you went to school, worked full time while raising 3 kids. You truly are an inspiration!

Ditto from me! Thanks for showing us how to do it with style and class..something sadly lacking in our WS. I'll remember this on my not so good days. Take care - God Bless

#743193 01/15/03 01:25 AM
Joined: Sep 2000
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Hey! Nice to see you!

You sound awesome - married!!! so happy for you!!!

4.0!!! Amazing even for someone who is paying complete attn to their studies - but you had real life to deal with too!

I'm just thrilled for you.

[Big Grin] Seeing posts like this just brings so much joy into my little shriveled up brown little heart... [Wink] OK, well, I'm on the mend too...

And yes, once you make that decision to let things go and move on it is simply amazing what a wonderful world there is out there... [Big Grin]

E

#743194 01/15/03 02:21 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
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Dana,
Congratulations and thanks so much for the inspiring story. It's wonderful to hear how it all worked out: relocated, remarried, sole custody, back child support, 4.0 GPA as a working single mom, and you still own a home!

Although we BS's feel like the victims on D'day, it's our WS's that are often the ones suffering in the end - it shows us that the A's really aren't about us but about the person having the A.
Leslie

#743195 01/15/03 11:00 PM
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{{{Dana}}}

Congratulations!!! I came in and posted after being away for a long time, too (think it is the holiday season and all the time spent with the forum family over the years?). You were a wonderful inspiration and I'm so glad to hear that all is well with you and yours! [Smile]

Lori

#743196 01/16/03 08:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
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Hey Dana!

Thanks for stopping by and checking in. I remember when I started here back in 2000 you offered me compassion and support.

All the best to you!!!

Jay

#743197 01/16/03 05:15 PM
Joined: Apr 1999
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Hi Dana,
I'm really glad your life is working out so well [Smile] .

I remember how fast everything moved for you after you discovered the A & H moved out.

#743198 01/16/03 05:36 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
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Well done Dana,
I remember your posts from day 1. You have not only survived but done what you needed to for you.
You have made your life all it can and should be through all that has come your way. You deserve all the happiness, respect and love you have and more.

Enjoy.

I am finally done after 4 years since d-day. As of last week finally have settlement and divorce is only peperwork to be completed through the court system in the next 2 weeks. Matters not a bit. My life is great.... and I could not care about stbx and his OW...they now have to live their life ...without me to conflict over!

#743199 01/17/03 09:45 PM
Joined: May 2000
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Dana, I'm so happy for you. I didn't know about the scare with the middle daughter. I did know about the other stuff and you are, truly, proof to a lot of people here that this whole ordeal can be survived.

Anytime you need something to do [Roll Eyes] , come visit us in the kingdom. We can always use someone else there. And we never do anything serious.

#743200 01/19/03 11:44 PM
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gsd Offline
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I never come back here, but I read your post. It is kind of neat to see names from the past. I have told you before how awesome all of your new developments are and I will say it again...you go girl! You have really helped me a lot over the past two years (the last one especially!). I thought about posting an update here myself, but didn't think anyone would remember me! It has been almost 3 years since my ex left and I love my new life! There is hope after a tragedy like this and you (and I) are proof of that...

Take care.

Hugs back at ya!
Cher


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