My ex is $6,000 behind on child support. He's supposed to pay $626 a month. He drives a 2002 pickup and lives in the huge 4 BR house we had while married. When we divorced he was a truck driver, making $2000 a month.

I have a part time job that makes $600 a month. I also sew for people and make about $200 a month from that. I am raising 3 children, living in a drafty old house and driving an 8 year old pickup, because I had to sell the 2002 van to pay for the divorce.

Child Support Recovery (Iowa) took hiim to court on monday for Contempt. He claimed he is now a self employed carpenter.....and they allowed him to sign papers saying he will pay $110 a month.

I have a stack of past due notices and letters from collection agencies. What am I going to do now?

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Anna,

Have you talked to your Pastor about this?

Maybe the church can help you get caught up or at least help you out some---

Most churches have a benevolence fund for such things--

Thanks Laura and TR........wow, $40,000! I guess I shouldn't complain. TR, yes, my church has helped me so many times.......I just asked for help again, sigh..... I guess I'm really down cuz when I called my mom and told her she started criticizing me for now working enough, not getting on my own two feet faster. She doesn't understand that after 12 years of an abusive marriage and not being ALLOWED to work, it has taken all my emotional strength just to get this far. I feel like such a failure.

And then my fiance' and I had a difference of opinion on discipline tonite.....he gets very upset when my kids are disrespectful or ignore me, which is a problem I've been having. He yelled at my oldest son (12) tonite because he had refused to mow the lawn while I was at work. It just really upset me...both that my son wouldn't do it and that my fiance' yelled at him. Felt like a no win situation.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Anna,

Ignore your mom's comment's--or better yet, look at her's and your father's marriage and see how she handled things over the years--were they perfect? I doubt it--I bet she made all sorts of mistake's that she doesn't see--but knowing what you do now--you could see them more clearly--

And you could also see where you learned a lot of the things you did--and why you stayed so long in your own marriage--

I say don't worry about what your mom say's because you don't have to please HER!! You only have to please God--are you doing what God is asking YOU to do?? If so--don't worry about what everyone else thinks--

I guess one way to look at it would be this--and I know this is kind of morbid--but it's the first thing that comes to my mind---

If someone were to hold a gun to your mom's head and tell YOU to deny Christ or they will kill her-
would you do it?? Do you love your mom more than you love Christ? If so--she'd be considered an idol in your life--

Sure your mom would look at it that you hate her--
but that wouldn't be true--you do love her--BUT--You love Christ MORE!! So what she thinks and say's shouldn't be as important--so keep going and doing what you are--God will work things out--
for HIS Glory--

And really that goes for any relationship you have--

Anna -

I read this and wanted to cry for you. I truly don't know how you do it, but I totally admire you for everything that you have overcome and continue to overcome.

Do not let the words or actions of anyone else weigh you down. Do not feel badly about relying on assistance. You do what you need to do. You are an amazing woman and I really admire you.

Take care and God bless!
K

I'm so sorry to hear this Anna. But I probably said it before... you gotta live like that CS is never gonna come, and treat it like an unexpected bonus when it does. One of my friends' ex is over $10K past due. She has a good job, a modest apartment and decent car, and doesn't do much outside of work and her daughter's school activities. She lets the girl see him the 1-2 times a year he decides to take an interest in his firstborn.

Also please work out disciplinary stuff with your fiance NOW. If you don't want him reprimanding your kids, he needs to know that. My manfriend also gets irked when my kids are disrespectful to me. I told him that I understood but think about where they are coming from; they have never had respect for me modeled for them. Just love and respect ME, and they will come around. I do the disciplining, but they know that he also must be respected as an authority figure. Most of the time they all get along fine.

Now if Grandma would just stop undermining my authority... but that's another post.

It sounds as if you were living beyond your means for a while, to have a lot of collections and debts catching up to you. Is there anything you can cut out of your monthly budget, or a better paying job you could pursue?

(((((((((Anna)))))))))

Thanks everybody for the encouragement. It's been a tough week. Yesterday my banker called; he had to turn down our application for a house loan. Biggest problem is that I have too many late payments in the last 6 months.....I always get my bills paid, but not always on time. ANd while my bf makes a decent salary, he has NO credit, due to the fact that he pays cash for everything and doesn't use credit cards or get loans. Which means he's debt free.....but.... not much of a credit report.

So now we need to find a new place for us to live when we get married. My house is awful....substandard electricity, can't even run a window air conditioner. I hope we can find something to rent until we can afford to buy.

Just seems like everything is working against me right now.

Oh, and the No Contact Order runs out June 3rd. I can't really get a new one since he hasn't broken it since he went to jail last year. But he's always driving by and sends 2 or 3 letters a week.

I really don't want him back in my life.

Dear Annasnewlife,

I also have an ex that is thousands behind on child support. I can really empathize with you. The best bet is to try to do as much as you can on your own....and don't feel bad about accepting support. That was the hardest thing for me to do.

It has truely amazed me how much people will help when you let them. Hang in there...I will be praying for you and your kids. Pat

If you want to take a risk, ask your finace to help you financially. In 6 months you could get a home loan that way.

Ask him to get a credit card and run up some debt to give you money to pay off some of your stuff.

This will do two things, help you get stuff paid up and off your credit report and help him get some credit.

While you are unmarried is a good time to get this stuff situated. When your names become one and your credit gets joined, that is when you cannot be so flexible anymore.

Can he get a home loan on his own? Look at other lenders, I am sure your fiance has a good high credit score.

After 6 months reevaluate financially and see if your fiance can get the home loan. Maybe by then you will have a better job also.

Then, you can pay the fiance back if he wants you to.

Just a crazy idea.