Approximately one month ago, I had a miscarriage which was/is very hurtful. My husband and two boys were very excited that we were having an addition to the family. My children were devastated by our loss. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't even want to consider trying to have another one. I greatly desire another child. I have found there isn't a happy medium in this situation. Any suggestions??? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I am very sorry for your loss.<p>One thing I've found is that no two people respond quite the same way to any tragedy. Men often seem to take longer to process something like this, simply because they do not grieve as openly.<p>You are right that there isn't a "happy medium" between having a child and not having one. Right now, your H may not feel like it is worth taking a risk of more pain. He may feel differently in a few more months, or he may not, but I would suggest not making any decsions for now...give yourselves both time to grieve and recover.<p>Again, my sympathy...<p>Kathi<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: kam6318 ]</p>

Thank you Kam6318! I know I am healing emotionally from the loss and I have lately been very distant to my H. I have apologized to him but he wants me to be back to my old self again! He says he is very concerned about me because if things are held in emotionally they can tend to manifest physcially. Part of me wants to move on and part of me is saying give me time! He's not trying to rush me but my disposition could be cheerier towards him. I truly believe I have dealt with the loss of our baby but again, my H's stand on having another one is difficult for me right now! We have been married for 12 years next month (May 5) and we usually go to a Caribbean Island to celebrate our anniversary but I'm just not there! Please keep us in your prayers! Thank you!!!

I know this must be very difficult. Ten years ago my H and I lost our second child unexpectedly during labor. One thing I learned then is that men and women often do processs miscarriage and infant death very differently...really I guess we just process everything differently!<p>Anyway, I'm sure your H has some grief over the miscarriage, but also misses having you more yourself, probably fears what another pregnancy and possibly another loss would put you both through. I know those fears were there for my H (and we did have a third child).<p>It would be great if you could discuss your fears for the future at some point before you have to make any decisions. I do think once the loss is less fresh, and he is not as worried about you, he might be more willing to consider it...but time to cross that bridge in a bit, when you get there.<p>Think about going to the Caribbean...it may not be the "happiest" vacation you've ever taken, but some time alone & feeling close could be great medicine.<p>Hugs--<p>Kathi