Surprisingly I feel peaceful and totally stress free. Why, I can't tell you. I think back to '99 when my H told me he didn't 'feel' anything and the less than friendly reception that I got from the secretary when I called his office...I sat out to make christmas perfect and bought him all kinds of things that I knew he would like. I should have known...guess I really did but just didn't want to think about it.<p>Then a year later...he is in a new office away from her, he bought me a new sewing machine! It was the perfect gift and just what I wanted even though I had never told him. At the time I was in limbo as to whether I wanted the marriage to continue.<p> Now for this year...you know I don't really think about things too often. Yes there are unresolved issues and I think that I have finally gotten the courage to talk about them. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I sent my H an email the other day that said 'who do you love?' and nothing else. He replyed 'Who is George Thorogood'! His sense of humor is returning. I told him that was a good answer but that he still hadn't answered my question. Since then though he has been 'showing' me in little ways. Subtle but things that I pick up on.<p> I have 9 people living in my house for the holidays plus 2 dogs (well behaved though they are they are still dogs) and a cat, plus all the kids friends who drop in. I haven't been shopping yet. That alone should stress me out but it doesn't. The house is wrecked, there are people everywhere..but you know, the tree is beautiful, the fire is crackling, we have room to all crash in the livingroom and enjoy TV or board games or cards. We are a family...and it is nice.<p>I guess I have decided to NOT stress about things anymore. It is not because they are perfect, but because I know ME and have chosen to slow myself down and enjoy life instead of whizzing through it. Take time, pay attention and do the things that make you happy...and you will be happy in the end. It may take awhile to get there, but it can happen. Never thought it would, but darned if it didn't. Hope that you all can find that kind of peace in you lives too. You ALL deserve it.

Hi again Jo,<p>Good thread, you just seem to know when MB'ers need to get feelings out. It is good to get updates.<p>Victoria Farrar..ACK!...you haven't shopped yet...you are my Christmas hero, way to enjoy things and not let the crazies get to you. I've shopped like a maniac and I'm still freaking out. I always say "not next year, I'm just going to enjoy it" and then I do it all over again. Board games and a crackling fire -vs- the mall and spending $ I don't have. Am I nuts?<p>Gonna do a little update here...I tend to be wordy so I'll try to keep it short.<p>New Years 2000...the millinium. All I remember is H kissing everyone but me at midnight. I think I knew then. He moved out the following May. You guys know the scoop, most of you have been through the same.<p>I am close to being divorced. It's been almost a year since I filed. STBX is living with OW#2, his co-worker of 20+ years, a woman I've known for years as have my children. I don't know if he's happy, don't really care. I know he misses his children terribly, but he chose to move an hour away from them and live a very different kind of life than we had.<p>My children are my first concern. They will never be the same. They are still asking "why?", they didn't ever see us fight, just witnessed dad coming home less and less over the last few years of our marriage. He has them 2-3 nights a month, they generally refuse to go with him, and as teenagers they have that right. <p>Last January, I was messing around on the computer, looking at a personals page on AOL and ended up meeting the most wonderful man. I hesitate to post much about this as I was not divorced at the time, had not even filed yet. I know all the advice is to spend at least a few years alone and get to know myself again, but whew, when it's right it's right. We have been inseperable. We are truly best friends. He had been terribly hurt also in his marriage, and we helped each other to heal. There are no marriage plans (for many years due to the fact that I am recieving spousal maintenance and I can't re-marry) but he's great, so very different in every way from my STBX. The kids are wild about him, they were starved for attention too, and it feels like a real family.<p>So, life goes on. All I can say to my MB friends here is don't be afraid to try again. There are wonderful people out there. It was such a shock to me that I was loveable, worthy of being loved, and that I could still give love. We, as humans, still have that little spark, no matter how bad things get. Just because we've been rejected by one, does not mean we are not worth being loved.<p>This time last year is a complete fog to me. Even the kids don't remember what they got for presents last yearr. My cat had just died, I had a bad surgery just after Christmas and ended up in an ambulance. I had planned on drinking a bottle of expensive champagne on New Years to toast the horrible year of 2000 away, and ended up recovering on my sister's couch. January 2001, started a wonderful new job, my MB buddies Jo, Lora and Beth came to see me, met my Larry, and learned how to smile and laugh and love all over again. Life is amazing when you jump in and decide it's not to scary to give a shot to living again. <p>I wish happiness to all of you here. I know what it's like to be afraid and alone. More like scared to death and alone. May your new years find you making new beginnings...decide to love yourselves, you are not a reflection of what was done to you...each and every one of us are worthy of living well...it is the best revenge after all.<p>love to all....allison

Good, I feel good. 2nd Christmas in recovery. The wretched Christmas parties with the OW in attendance are done, I was smiling & dignified and my H was good to me. I believe we've gotten through the majority of the issues, pain, forgiveness.<p>We're going to visit both set of our families, leaving tomorrow, back Wednesday. For the first time in at least 4 years we've got New Year's Eve plans (he walked out 2 years in a row right after the holidays 1999 & 2000. Bygones!). We're going to a St. Louis Rams game the first weekend in Jan.--just the 2 of us.<p>We've got a good marriage and a great family.

Hey Allison,
Can tell how you are doing know just by the tone of your post. A lot different than ones from a couple years ago (has it really been that long?). Sounds like you are really doing well after all you went through, glad to hear it. You and I have been treading (or trodding) on this path for awhile now...seems like there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Heard anything from Lori (lostva) lately?

Guess I'll jump in here. <p>I'm doing pretty good. W (WS) and I have been seperated for a couple months now. I've been staying with my mom - no I'm not a momma's boy. Moving into an apartment after Christmas and actually looking forward to it. <p>Last christmas I gave W a new ring and never thought we'd be here right now. Finally coming to some acceptance and starting to move on. We still see each other every day and even though it's hard we are pretty good friends. <p>This is kind of odd for me to feel this way about Christmas. I'm not scrooge or anything but both of our parents are divorced so we've always tried to include everyone and not hurt anyones feelings (which is pretty much impossible). We had really good christmas' when I was growing up but after parents divorce (it was bitter) I started disliking it. I actually feel really good about how W and I have put our differences aside and actually worked together to make this good for the kids.<p>Anyways, I wish all of you the best. Every one of you deserve it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
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