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Hey Jo ~ I wouldn't even mention it to the SIL.<p>IMHO - Enjoy the renewed friendship if thats what it turns into, and leave the painful stuff where it belongs...in the past.<p>Instead of involving xSIL with your X, invest in Caller ID. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't make someone else insist that X respect your boundaries....YOU respect them instead!<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: BrambleRose ]</p>

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BrambleRose:
<strong>Instead of involving xSIL with your X, invest in Caller ID. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't make someone else insist that X respect your boundaries....YOU respect them instead!<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: BrambleRose ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thanks Rosey ...<p>Do have caller ID. And XH is blocked on every conceivable avenue of contact, or so I thought. This last instance, XH got sneaky and sent stuff in snail mail. <p>Also, I have just recently learned he is again driving by my home.<p>Jo

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hmm....start documenting?<p>You may need a restraining order if this escalates...

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Hey Jo, Family, one neighbour and one best friend are the only ones that know. The rest of the world is uninformed. H says January is the month of going "public".

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Hi Jo,<p>I would definitely contact your SIL. These relationships are really important and it is so hard to lose everyone. I would keep it light too tho....eventually it may come up...but, for now I wouldn't mention it.<p>I think the hardest part about the break up of a marriage is losing "the family". My BIL and MIL called on Christmas morning. They have been supporting my H and it has really hurt me. They told me they loved me and to remember all the wonderful holidays we had. My MIL also told me to move on and get over this so that healing can take place. Pretty sad for me to hear. <p>Have to run...take care Pat

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UGH!
I don't know, Jo, I just had the strangest, weirdest thought while reading everyone's recommendations. I tended to agree with Terrified, and ALSO wondering if her brother put her up to contacting you?<p>Have you ever heard the saying blood is thicker than water? IF they are so close, or should I say SINCE they are so close, what if HE put her up to it? What if HE is using his sister to find out about you and what you are thinking and what is going on and what if he talked his sister into reestablishing contact with you to try to get you to talk to him?????<p>Do you have a restraining order in place? I mean, if you really want to be rid of the guy, there is a way! You still love 'em, don't you?<p>*sigh* I'm sorry to disagree with so many but it sounded to me as if you have doubts anyways. Did you contact her??? Please tell us what you did!

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>UGH!
I don't know, Jo, I just had the strangest, weirdest thought while reading everyone's recommendations. I tended to agree with Terrified, and ALSO wondering if her brother put her up to contacting you?<p>Have you ever heard the saying blood is thicker than water? IF they are so close, or should I say SINCE they are so close, what if HE put her up to it? What if HE is using his sister to find out about you and what you are thinking and what is going on and what if he talked his sister into reestablishing contact with you to try to get you to talk to him?????<p>Do you have a restraining order in place? I mean, if you really want to be rid of the guy, there is a way! You still love 'em, don't you?<p>*sigh* I'm sorry to disagree with so many but it sounded to me as if you have doubts anyways. Did you contact her??? Please tell us what you did!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Nope, haven't contacted her yet. But I'm about to.<p>I do still love my XH but, he would need to end it with OW for me to even talk to him and I do mean just TALK. He knows this. I can't allow myself to be pulled back into that craziness. OW is very unstable, no telling what she would do, she somewhat scares me. <p>Thanks for being so interested BTDT. How was your Christmas?<p>Jo

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Whoa, is he sniffing around again? What's going on there? I've kind of been under a rock these past few months, so how about an update?<p>Also, let me give you my e-mail addy (just in case, since we're sorta neighbors [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) agarrett@anvilcorp.com<p>I'm with everybody on continuing the relationship with the SIL, but only bring XH up if she does. You don't want it to seem like you're contacting her just to talk about XH.<p>Also, are you going to the MB weekend in April in Seattle?<p>Ali

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong><p>Nope, haven't contacted her yet. But I'm about to.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>What happened, anything worth mentioning? It's okay if you don't feel like discussing it, but just curious... Did her conversation seem genuine or do you think she was put up to it by your ex?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>
I do still love my XH but, he would need to end it with OW for me to even talk to him and I do mean just TALK. He knows this. I can't allow myself to be pulled back into that craziness. OW is very unstable, no telling what she would do, she somewhat scares me.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I don't blame you and if you did reconcile, you would never be rid of either OW, esp. if your exH is maintaining contact with the OCs. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It is a tangled web, indeed...<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>
Thanks for being so interested BTDT. How was your Christmas?
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>OF COURSE I'm interested! Your screenname says it all. You are amazing and after I saw your photo on zorweb's thread, I thought to myself that your exH must be CRAZY!!!!!! Either crazy or BLIND!?! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyways, thanks for the reply, still interested in your SIL's intentions cuz I'm sorta suspicious seeing how your ex has been unable to cut the strings between you & himself. (I think he still loves you too, but has created such a huge complicated mess and has to live with it... OCs can't just fade away like a bad memory or a terrible mistake.) <p>My Christmas vacation is going great, thanks for asking. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Nice being home and getting 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep like normal people. I'm getting spoiled. Do you realize I have not needed to use earplugs or my eyemask to sleep in an entire week!?! WOW! <p>*sigh*<p>Next Tuesday it will be back to the night shift and living the life of a "vampire" as my colleages call me... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As quiet as it's kept, Jo, you will not have any trouble finding another good man--if that is what you want--someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Someone who can give you the quality of love that you are putting out in return. Someone who will love you the way God intended for you to be loved. The ball is in your court! That's the way I see it from where I'm sitting...<p>Your ex knows this. He blew it, bigtime. He lost you and he can't accept knowing that you are this close (*snap*) to moving on with your life. Now I could be wrong, but he probably knows you still love him and his ego won't let him set you free to be with another man. I can totally picture him crying on his sister's shoulder about how he can't get you to talk to him, how he still loves you, and if SHE could please talk to you and convince you that he is truly sorry...<p>I say this because it sounds like something my own brother would ask of me... "Please talk to her, BtDt, she'll listen to YOUUUUUU... Tell her I'm sorry and I would do anything to get her back..."<p>[ December 29, 2001: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

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Jo, <p>Driving by?!?!?!?!? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] You didn't tell me that before! Well, I still say talk to her. But I will certainly respect your decision. <p>Hugz,
L.<p>ps: Thanks for the pep talk last night. I got the same 'loving' kick in the pants from the rest of the gang.... LOL!

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^bumping^ for an update...

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You're so thoughtful, BTDT. Thank you for again thinking of me.<p>Welp, I haven't responded to my SIL's card. Something in me is keeping me from doing it. Is it pride? Or maybe I'm trying to punish them for not being there when I needed them the last year?<p>You know, when I decided I would never allow my H contact of me, there were three reasons. First, because I couldn't emotionally handle the hurt of his betrayal and on-going contact would remind me, and second because OW is an unstable person and lastly it is a way of punishing my H .... to just disappear, never to be heard from again and no way for him to know anything about me (no common friends anymore). <p>If I contact my SIL, she'll surely share basic info with my XH that is none of his damn business anymore. He doesn't need to know that I'm well and I'm doing better, he has no longer any right to know ANYTHING about me. <p>Is this wrong? Are my reasons for not responding to her wrong? Please be brutally honest, I can take it guys.<p>Lv,
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HI Jo,<p> I have been divorced once before from a shorter marriage and had sil friend.. who I am no longer friends with.. neither of us tried to keep the friendship. I do think that was best.<p> My MIL who is divorced from my FIL who was/is an adulterous musican lawyer in GA... is still friends with his sister, her ex SIL... well, she recently told me that even after 15 yrs of friendship... after the big D... the ex SIL is now wanting to do things and has for some time with the NEW WIFE... I know this is hard to bear, and I am not trying to be mean... your Relationship may be different-- as an outside observer to this happening to my dear sweet MIL who I love... I think it is terribly hurtful to her... it was not her fault her adulterous husband ruined their family and marrigae... and the sister in law saw that in the beginning and watnted to keep the friendship... as the yrs have changed us all... and the brother of that SIL grew up a little and went through 2 more marriages... now in the 2nd... first he married the OW... He is now married to a nicer woman than the OW, even I have to admit... the SIL of course responds to the new wife wanting a friendship between the new wife and her the sil...... well my poor dear sweet mil, and also the mother of the children.. btw.. new wives had no kids.. no the wild musician hubby could get spoiled and not have to worry with kids.. in his new lifestyle... anyway the ex-wife... was recently told 15 yrs after divorce... by sil that Sil would rather do things with her brother and his new wife, with her and her H, since they are both COUPLES< and it is fun to do stuff as COUPLES> Well, the ex -wife has remained single and had to deal with yrs of hardship due to what that sorry sob did when he ran off with the OW he even had in their own marriage bed, and who danced around nude in the family home for the maid to see while the mom and kids were out of town... MEN...<p>I doubt that the SIL would intentionally hurt you... but realize she has been close to brother all her life... despite their real relationship.. her loyalties may lie with brother.<p>I am not trying to be cold, and I know it sounds cold... I guess I am in a really honest mood these last few days... honestly looking at peoples actions and how they have hurt me in my family. I know I did some hurting too... but hey it wasn't worth the OW and breaking up a happy home... at least what I thought was a happy home..?? MY FIL turns agaisnt me every time my H does something crzy to me... and alot of it is because of his alcoholism... which makes my life crzier... and i know if you were in music scene.. you would at least of been exposed to the partying I have seen.<p>Hugs to you sweetie... I know it is hard... I am here too. I can tell you are strong, and I appreciate your support of me through these hard times.<p>OH- My opinions in no way based on harley method etc... just my humble opinion, hope it helps. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU....<p>
HONEY

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NO WAY! I don't think you are wrong to follow your heart. If you don't have peace about it, then to me, that means don't. You'll know when/if it is right.<p>There was a reason why your first note got kicked back to you. The coincident of her contacting you could have a spiritual connotation, but not everything spiritual is necessarily from God!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think the hesitation you have is there protecting you from further pain.<p>I have heard it said that we can forgive with the door closed. In other words, you don't have to keep allowing someone to hurt you once you realize the patterns of abuse. <p>I don't see your reaction as punishment. I see it as protection. You are the best one to recognize what you are dealing with.

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>NO WAY! I don't think you are wrong to follow your heart. If you don't have peace about it, then to me, that means don't. You'll know when/if it is right.<p>There was a reason why your first note got kicked back to you. The coincident of her contacting you could have a spiritual connotation, but not everything spiritual is necessarily from God!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think the hesitation you have is there protecting you from further pain.<p>I have heard it said that we can forgive with the door closed. In other words, you don't have to keep allowing someone to hurt you once you realize the patterns of abuse. <p>I don't see your reaction as punishment. I see it as protection. You are the best one to recognize what you are dealing with.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>BTDT,<p>I know! That was so so weird to get that email bounced back at me and THEN receive her card two days later. I KNOW someone else is at work here, but the question is ..... WHO is it??? Is it God or the devil?<p>Can you tell me how to tell the difference, does praying help us know?<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

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Well I hate to beat you over the head with scripture ( [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] kidding), but since you asked... "wisdom's paths are peaceful," and "reverential fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." So based on that, if you felt peaceful, then there wouldn't be a problem with any of this. Since you didn't, you had some doubts, then it seems to me, that is the red flag.<p>Sometimes it's not all the devil/evil, etc... But when God's timing is not right, we won't have His peace either. When it's just our will (not HIS will), we can get ahead of God too. It's not always the devil whose to blame for our problems! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

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JO,<p>I have no answer. Don't kown if I even have ideas.<p>I am in contact with my STBX in laws but I have kids. MIL & I have always been close, she feels she hurt her relationship with my STBX her son by trying to make him see the light. Now I know regardless of how she feels she will accept OW in her home. I don't know how I will deal with it buy hey they still sent me Christmas presents. Of course I done them gifts for thier birthdays.<p>Just do what makes you happy. <p>go ride one of those horses for me. I need to escape a few demons now.<p>2002 will be better for us.

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