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For many who know my story, there was ONE SINGLE event that made me stop and realize I was losing him and something was wrong in my marriage. I didn't investigate or pay attention. My stupidity.
I believe there was one single event last night in all of my recovery that solidifies we are recovering. I ordered Chapman's books for the both of us. The men addition for him and the regular addition for me. I asked him on the way home from our meeting if he had the mail key because I was hoping that the books had arrived. He hadn't. I didn't ask him and in fact forgot about it, but when we got home, he made a special trip out, dead tired, and went and checked the mail box specifically to see if the books had come in.
Thank you so much G-d for this. Thank you so very much.
With love and devotion to my G-d, Queenie
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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![clap clap](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/clap.gif) Recovery is so hard, but worth it!
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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{{{{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}}}}}} ![kiss kiss](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/kiss.gif) I love you honey........ What a great story!!!!!! Not
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Queenie, just want you to know that you are an inspiration to me and some times I wonder how you did it.
Just a note to let you know that H told me 3 weeks ago that he didn't feel any different after being home for over 6 months. I am still praying to God and I know he will answer my prayers and show my H that he still loves me. I have turned everything over to Him. My life, my H life , my children's lives, and my marriage. For I am tired and cannot do this any more. I prayed and cried for almost 3 hours yesterday. I haven't given up hope and I won't give it up.
Told H last night that I still prayed for our marriage and that I wasn't going to divorce him. H told me that he had free will. Told him that I knew that but God would show him where to go and lead him there. Found out H has never read the Bible even though he has one that I gave him. Told that was his problem, maybe if he read the Bible he would actually learn something.
I have decide to leave MB for a while to work on myself but everyone here will never be far from my thoughts.
Still hoping and praying and always will.
BW-me 47yrs WH-him 50yrs married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012). D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009 D-Day#2 7/26/2009 Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12 WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009 Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010 2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho. "Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Hi Traci,
Thank you so much for telling me your plans. I won't have to worry about you knowing that you are so in G-ds hands. Sometimes crying, praying, and being so beaten down is just G-ds way of having the clean canvas to reinvent into the person HE desires for us.
I know. I was there my friend. If you should check on here, try and get this book called, God is More Than Enough, by Tony Easton. It's about Psalm 23 and it was my story. I can't recommend it enough.
Should you get lonely and want to email...**edit**. Or if you do facebook, we could become friends. Email me and I'll tell you my real name.
Most important. G-d loves you more than anyone EVER could. He knows how you are suffering, he knows what you need and you are doing the very best thing. Seeking him and TRUSTING him.
I love you and wish you peace on this journey, but knowing how hard it is.
Last edited by MBLBanker; 07/22/11 02:58 AM. Reason: removing email address
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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Good Shabbas to Queenie and family!
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{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}
hey ya gorgeous!!!!!! Glad to see ya putting your input around here. I've missed you.....
Not
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Just checking out some of the threads over here on the Recovery side. I get tired of being stuck in the Affair forum. And the new people just keep coming and coming. What is wrong with people?
Hope all is well with you, Queenie. Take care and visit sometime.
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Hi guys,
In 15 days, it will be 4 years since D-day. I'm a better person, my relationship with G-d is still the most important thing in life to me and my new marriage is alive and growing.
I'm very sad today, I lost a very special friend to me, and feel the pull to come and here and thank you all again so very much for what you helped me through. I couldn't have done it without you.
So much good, so many blessings, and yet the remembrance of my lessons with G-d have remained forever in my heart. My grandson is almost a year old, my son in the navy is getting married in a little over a month and a half, the last season of lacrosse with my youngest is coming to an end and with G-ds grace he will graduate. I received my 24 year clean and sober coin last night.
My sister lives with me clean and sober, doing very well, my husband is coming to work for my school district and I might be up for a new job and I'll know sometime soon hopefully.
I stayed up and watched Will and Kate's wedding like I did for his mom. My heart so heavy because Princess Diana was someone that I strive to be like every day since those devastating days almost 4 years ago.
Pep, I love your profile picture on facebook. I love you dearly for all the kindness and encouragement you have shown me. It seems that many of us have gone away, gone somewhere else or whatever. And though I don't get here hardly at all, I remember everyone of you, yes Vladi even you and with all my heart and soul, pray that you have happiness, joy and peace in your lives.
With love, Queenie
Last edited by QueeniesAdventures; 05/01/11 12:09 AM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Queenie, I'm sorry you lost someone close to you.
Great to hear from you.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hi Queenie,
Well its June 2011. You did say that if the SF was still missing from your M you would be leaving. I said I hoped you'd have the strength when the time came. That was over 1yr ago.
How goes it?
Plan D June 08 Me FBS 36 W 38 Married 13/1/09 The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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The reason that I felt that the networking marketing business was bad for our marriage is because it gave WH the opportunity to have the A without my questioning him. We had made it to certain level in the business, and he really wanted to push to get to the next one. We sat down with the DDs one day and the four of us made a pact that WH would pursue the business hard for the next year, even if that meant being gone 7 nights a week. I was to take care of the DDs so that their life remained much the same with activities, etc and would participate in the business as much as I could within reason. So, 6 months in to the agreement, WH started his A with OW and I never questioned his whereabouts. He would never have gotten away with it otherwise. I absolutely do agree with this. I think this part gave them the ability to be gone and we didn't even question it. In fact encouraged it. WH is looking for a person or thing to make him happy. Back in October 07, G-d smacked me over the head with this realization. WH was absolutely miserable in his life and he was running and blaming ME for everything. He wanted someone to make him happy, but the reality is it's not my job nor anyone elses. His happiness comes from G-d and that relationship. I realize that I have to work on ME now - Plan B. It looks, smells and tastes pretty hopeless to me. I do feel better without contact right now. Plan B was my saving grace of serenity and peace. It was so hard at first, but it was during this time that I believe G-d really worked in me and my life. It was when G-d had the time to design me into Queenie and have me become the woman he always meant me to be. Believer's mantra was affairs almost ALWAYS end. My MANTRA - you DON'T know what is happening on the other side. have FAITH and walk in TRUST of what G-d can do no matter how hopeless.. So what happened b/w May and October or so? There is a chunk missing when I guess the board was down. And what WAS happening on the other side? How did the affair finally end?
Married 1/2000. D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013. Single mom of 4.
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Hi Queenie,
Well its June 2011. You did say that if the SF was still missing from your M you would be leaving. I said I hoped you'd have the strength when the time came. That was over 1yr ago.
How goes it? hope you come back to update soon... ![smile smile](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/smile.gif)
Married 1/2000. D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013. Single mom of 4.
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Hi there,
Wow, it's been a LONG time since I have been here. How is it that life goes by so fast and you almost do't realize it until you wake up a poof, it's been over 4 months. I think about this place on and often wondering how people are doing. But life just simply got so busy the last few months, and emotionally I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening around me.
So as I look back it's really been about a year since I have checked in with what has happened. So hang on... Last September my MS, turned 21. In December my YS was involved in an accident where someone was killed. He sustained non life threatening injuries, but the emotional scars are there. In March I turned 50, he turned 18, in April my DD turned 25, my grandson turned a year old a month later. Throw in my 4 year D-day anniversary. Hubby changed jobs and started working for the school district like me. I applied for an upgrade in jobs and bombed the skills test. In June, 4 days before graduation my YS learned he would be graduating. Then two weeks later my MS got married and in July he left for the Persian Gulf for 7.5 months.
Last edited by QueeniesAdventures; 09/18/11 12:02 AM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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True to form Vladi was here asking whether I had gotten what I wanted and if not did I have the courage to leave my marriage. I saw that post Vladi, and at the time I simply chose not to answer because I was afraid. And here I am today, thinking you know what, it's not your life, it's mine. So no Vladi, there is no SF between us. It is an issue in my life, but I gotta say I'm not afraid to leave anymore. I just don't want to.
My marriage is absolutely NOTHING like it was before. There is a commitment to us that has never been before. There is a spirit of love between us that has grown. There is a gentleness that has never existed. We enjoy begin with each other, we cuddle, we kiss, we talk, we spend time together. We give each other space to learn about ourself.
We have traveled to more places than ever before. I am not stupid, I hold him accountable to his time, I watch his calls, I read his emails, I keep watch for ANY signs. But ya know at some point it just doesn't matter what the past was. It's the present now. We have build a new life, a new marriage. We continue to go to AA and work our own program.
Is it perfect, no. I miss SF, but more importantly what I realized is that I love this man. NO OTHER MAN can give me the whole picture like this man. No one would have the history, no one would be my children's father, no one would be my grandson's papa. No one would just have one family the way we have it now. No other man will offer me this which in it's whole is more important that one single piece. Albeit a very strong one.
We are friends, we share a life and whether most people want to really hear this, I made a vow till death do us part and I can't leave because of that vow. Because through all this, I have to remember my g-d has my back and he provides me with everything I need, not necessarily everything I want.
Last edited by QueeniesAdventures; 09/18/11 12:18 AM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Hey Queenie! Thanks for the update. Glad to hear things are going well. And relieved to hear your son was not hurt too bad in his accident. <shudder> ![hug hug](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/hug.gif) My son got married last October and is doing well in his career. I am so proud of him. I hope to have grandchildren some day like you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am not perfect and truly I have my days where I'm frustrated and not content, but when I really peel away the onions on my feelings it's always about what I want, I, I, I and this alcoholic/addict doesn't have the luxury to live like that anymore.
If that means I'm chicken or settling, then so be it, but ya know I'm reasonably happy and that's a pretty darn good way to be. My YS who in many ways was the most affected by the affair, has struggled internally and couple with the accident, well he just is struggling to find himself. He has bravely decided to go into the marines. If he does get in, then he'll be off living his life and do you know who is the most excited, my husband because in his words, we get to finally start the next chapter in our life which is just about us. That is so different than before this.
As for me personally. My weight, continues to haunt me. My food seems to be in a place of peace, thank g-d. While I love having my grandson over often, I have gotten a voice and said no on numerous occasions when I felt the need to take care of myself. I have become union chapter president and OMG, what a trip this is. A HUGE challenge to me on so many levels. If there is one thing that concerns me, it's my relationship with my g-d. My ego has put a wall in that I'm struggling to let loose. Tonight at my meeting, I said if there was one thing that I was most fearful about it's that I haven't discovered what g-ds will or plans for my life is and I am afraid I will never ever truly be comfortable with myself until I do. So, I look, I pray and I seek g-d earnestly these days.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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