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Izz #2567655 11/23/11 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Izz
and things went farther.

I was completely unfaithful

You are still trying to cover up the disgusting thing you did.

Face the fact that you chose to screw a scumbag loser while your husband was away. Face the fact that this loser used you as an unpaid whore while his wife was at home with his kids.

Until you admit the truth of what you did you can never recover from it.


BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
Izz #2567656 11/23/11 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Izz
Melodylane,
You seem pretty vicious about this, and not helpful at all.

Cut the drama, mamma. dramaqueen

Quote
I didn't come on here to have stones thrown at me.

Creating D.R.A.M.A. on this forum will not help your marriage.

Quote
I came on here for good solid advise from folks who have had experience in this matter.

And, that's what you've got.
I posted a direct quote from the owner of Marriage Builders (Dr Harley) which explains why lying to spare your husband's feelings is detrimental to your marriage.

Lying is lazy.
Lying is you putting a bandaid over a filthy infected wound troubling your marriage.... an infected wound which will not heal properly without being thoroughly cleansed.

Keep posting.
kiss

Izz #2567658 11/23/11 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Izz
it was basically a regretful one night stand.

NO this was you choosing to allow a scumbag loser to use you as a semen depository.


BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
Izz #2567661 11/23/11 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Izz
No, this person lives 5 states away, and my husband does not know this person. Yes, this person is married with two children.

Than you need to tell the scumbags wife also.



BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Originally Posted by Justlooking24
Originally Posted by Izz
it was basically a regretful one night stand.

NO this was you choosing to allow a scumbag loser to use you as a semen depository.

puke

Question:

How would you feel if your WW was referred to in such a way?

How does calling this WW in such a way help?

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Hi Izz. Welcome!

I just want to pitch in here and urge you to save your marriage before this secret either puts you in the funny farm or blows up in your face.

You havent stopped this affair. You and OM have a secret, still. You are continuing the deception against your h, dont you see?

Us BSs hate the lies more than anything that was 'done'. You have been lying for four months. You have made the last four months of your marriage worthless and untrue.

Do you want to make it a year...two..ten?

I personally never think of my WH and OW having sex, but I picture his face lying to me all the time. If he had come clean, it would have cleansed a lot of that pain away for me. I could have at least respected that he was honest at the last.

I will bet you anything your H has a very queesy feeling that soemthing is wrong, but he doesnt know 'what'.

For me the relief of finding out I wasnt crazy was almost worth it.

You have done something dreadful. If you ARE repentant you will do the right thing from here on, which is all any of us can do when we mess up.

You know what the right thing to do is.

1. Put aside any fear of what will happen to YOU.
2. Tell your H the complete truth, holding nothing back. Tell him he has access to anything and everything he wants to see. (phone bills credit card statements etc - facebook history)
3. Do what he wants in the way he wants to be healed. Take it on the chin unflinchingly.

Then you will have made a start.

Everyone here is pulling for your marriage, and there are many success stories on here. The vets (i.e MelodyLane who gives excellent advice and you are VERY lucky to have someone with her experience posting) will get a bit bootcamp - but it is for your own good.

There are numerous successes on here gained through truth but we have no truck with liars. So which is it? In or out?



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Izz, please don't be like me! I had a ONS 18 months ago. The guilt ate me alive, I became involved in an EA with another man. My marriage fell apart. My husband turned to other women to escape the pain. Deep down he knew all along something was off with me! Until I confessed the original sin that got us here, we were nowhere near recovery. I didn't know if he would leave me, but the truth was more important to him than the action. Tell him and do it soon,God bless!


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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See my sig, hon.

The Truth will set you free.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Izz,

Are you still around? I hope hearing some things you didn't want to hear didn't run you off.

Zeke351

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I'm a FWW & FBW, I found about my H A from a love note to OW#2 puke I wished that he would have told me instead of me finding out myself. It would have made our recovery easier and I would have respected him if he had grown some and confess to me. It was the deception that mutilated our M.

Now as a FWW, I can totally understand that you don't want to tell him. I was in your shoes! I didn't want to do it at all and was stalling and trying to find a perfect time to tell him but I knew that I needed to tell him if I want a chance to recover our M. With the intervention I got here and an angel/stranger, I told my H. There is no perfect time to tell your H about this so just do it. I told mine when I joined him on a business trip, the first night I arrived I just blurted it out. You just have to do it otherwise it's going to eat you and you won't have a marriage. Sure you can pretend that it's perfect on the surface and you would even convince yourself that your marriage is great but you have an infection in your marriage and you can't hide it with a band aid, you need to clean that infection out. Don't think and just do it.

Hope you keep posting.


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
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Originally Posted by TheRoad
Originally Posted by Justlooking24
Originally Posted by Izz
it was basically a regretful one night stand.

NO this was you choosing to allow a scumbag loser to use you as a semen depository.

puke

Question:

How would you feel if your WW was referred to in such a way?

How does calling this WW in such a way help?


The truth sometimes is puke

There was a time when the alien who invaded my WW was doing the same thing.


BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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