BBGY's update site

AD,

[/QUOTE] BG~

What, are we twins or something? A lot of the same thoughts today! [QUOTE]

I am not sure, Lord knows my head is clouded today! But you are on point as always! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe it is easier to give Albany all this PB advice so I can live vicariously thru her! (LOL)

I think my head is clouded most days. I'm not sure I'm so on point. I just try to relay what I've learned, not so much by personal experience, but from what I've read and heard so much around here. A lot of it is just common sense from an objective observer, I guess.

As far as living vicariously through others. You know, I was kind of thinking along those lines today. My thoughts were how you ladies have put up with so much crapola. I try to think of what my H should've done, had I been the cake eating, assine things coming from my pie hole type of spouse many of your H's seem to be. I consider my H to be darn close to a saint, and I don't see him putting up with such behavior for very long. I would hope that if I hadn't committed on my own, that there would've been someone around to give my H good, sound advice as to how to get my a$$ in gear!!!!

I care about and respect all of you ladies. I am so grateful for the way my situation turned out. I want to give back, and for now, this is how I try to do it.

Well AD, I for one am thankful for you as well as others here but especially ladies who have gone thru the storm & come out still M!

I have been reading some old posts & find comfort, (though very little), that there have been ladies on here who posted who had H's just as crazy & selfish as mine w/ crazy OW to boot! I am finding little strength reading these though, can't tell if the ladies are still M or not, but reading these posts confirm how looney I am to have endured what I have already w/ little or no commitment from H. I wish someone would talk to him, I have one good friend that has tried to get in contact w/ him but no luck yet.

Oh well, what will be will be....

Hey, any more problems w/MIL? How does H see D at daycare, at not want to bring her home to spend time w/ her w/u ? Does he still C OW? Just wondering. I'm glad to see you are doing things and going out for you. He gets jealous, but is ok and your not to worry if he does ? Typical man. I'm kinda glad I don't have any boys. I would have to pop them on the head if they ever acted like some of these guys do. But I think after all of this my 17 yr old thinks all guys do this crap and she will never find anyone worth having. I tell her just to pray real hard for the one God has in mind for her. Quit looking for what she wants and look for the one God is sending her.
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Believe it or not BG and maybe you've heard this before as well, but it has been said that more M's survive an A when an OC was the result, then A's that didn't produce an OC. I don't know that there are any real statistics out there to prove that or not, but I have heard it on here. I believe it has to do with the fact an OC tends to wake the WS up, and lift the fog a lot more quickly. Nothing like the reality of an OC to take the bloom off the rose as it were. Obviously it doesn't work that way in every case. I just thought I'd add that little tidbit for whatever it's worth.

As far as finding a lot of BS dealing with crazy and selfish WS, that is so true. Afterall, an A is the most selfish thing a spouse can do. Some of us WS change, some never do, some change sooner, some later, some too late.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hey, any more problems w/MIL? How does H see D at daycare, at not want to bring her home to spend time w/ her w/u ? Does he still C OW? Just wondering. I'm glad to see you are doing things and going out for you. He gets jealous, but is ok and your not to worry if he does ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sunny, no more than usual, in one of our heated discussions last week he brought up how I disrespected his mummy, I told him she has been in our M from day one & has shown not one bit of loyalty to me since finding out about OW & baby on the way. I know I need to forgive her, but I can't stand the thought of her. H works at the daycare that the baby is enrolled in, how convenient isn't it. I am not sure when he sees OW anymore, but I am sure he does, I don't know where she lives, working on that one though cuz if I find out he is spending time there, the lock smith will be getting a call asap! Oh yeah he is real jealous that I have been going out, won't admit it though, he is worried though, cuz that is not me, I tell him all the time why shouldn't I go out & enjoy myself, I have no babies to tie me down! Sunny I wouldn't trade my son in for the world, I never wanted a daughter, but God saw fit to give me a step daughter, for what reason I may never know. Not gonna stress about it though, not anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe it or not BG and maybe you've heard this before as well, but it has been said that more M's survive an A when an OC was the result, then A's that didn't produce an OC. I don't know that there are any real statistics out there to prove that or not, but I have heard it on here. I believe it has to do with the fact an OC tends to wake the WS up, and lift the fog a lot more quickly. Nothing like the reality of an OC to take the bloom off the rose as it were. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AD ~ that is amazing, only thing about my H is that this is his only child & he wanted her to be born. If he found out that the baby was not his he would literally die. She looks a lot like him though. I believe H & OW are still having an emotional A, he looks up to her & honors her for doing what I wouldn't so that is a really heavy fog for him to see thru. I am just biding my time though, & thinking maybe I am the one who needs to wake up from the fog, the fog of thinking this could ever work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Ok my opion, and I guess I have a lot of them. ya'll going to think I don't have anyone else to talk to. But I really have begun to care about everyone and my friends have never been where we have been! SO I like talking to ya'll. But the Ow is a ego thing. Ok picture this. W is the mommy, the worker (if you do) and the wife, then turn into a sex goddess that weights 100 lbs when you go to bed. Split personalities for sure!! H's go to work and come home eat dinner do a couple of things around the house and they may fuss and not do as much as you like them to, get on the the kids, ect. get it. So we become the MOMMIES for everyone cause they can't find this or that ect. And here comes this person,(OW) telling them aren't you cute, aren't you great. And in return well my W doesn't care about me just the C, never get any, (why cause the sex goddess is tiered and he's been an A) And so on. Then we have to fun, sneaking, special plans made just for them (WS&STOW)And what did the W do? Well you fixed dinner that he missed, you bathe kids that he helped make, washed his undies, and on & on. THEN the fun (OW) sees he goes home to the "BAD" person and why? Well he needs to make a choice!! I'll help him out. After all he's only there for the kids right? NOW the fun just turned into the MOMMIE!!! OMG!!! And guess what they stay home because they LOVE their wives and their children. Why bust something for something that you know can work, cause it has in the past, for something that was so stupid in the first place. Men and women who have had A tell me this. I know why I almost came close but hello, God taped me on the shoulder and said HELLO ! You are M, either be M or get out. And I did tell H I wanted a D then and liesten to him and stayed. But we made no changes. This time we have and OC might have really opened H eyes to see what kind of person OW really is. Anyone who does the I'm prg thing to get a man is sick, sorry. My 2 cents again. Sorry so long.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny

I was talking to a friend of mine today who is involved in a emotional A right now that she is trying to get out of. I told her the same thing, the guy who is a MM tells my friend who is also M, that his W is lazy, does nothing for the kids, he cooks, he cleans, he does it all. I told her yeah right! Maybe he has a brother????? LOL

Also told her to stop jeopardizing her M for what - some jerk to talk to, that if you are not careful you will end up having sex with & really be in a mess.

I know my H told OW that I didn't make him happy, wouldn't have his baby, & most of all that we no longer had sex! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LIAR

So this STOW definitely thought having his baby would allow her to have him as well. It is the oldest trick in the book & it still doesn't work. I have yet to figure out why H came home but he did & he didn't have to. So yeah she is one sick cow, sick & a single mother of 3! What an idiot. Even if we dont' make it, he will never marry her, he doesn't believe in D. A little adultery & illegitimate child is ok though, go figure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Go figure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> My H said the same thing. H would never M the OW. I talking to a friend last night me and OW are so different. We don't look alike we don't act alike, nothing alike. Oh we can both be B's at times! LOL. I wounder if thats the way it always is? Have to start a new thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I hope you have a good weekend and are you going out w/friends again? Me and GF use to go out on tues nights it been so long since we've done it though. Everyone busy in summer. How does he work at the d/c and not se OW. That would be hard. Is he still going to mummies all the time. Maybe he just goes cause its quiet. Has mummy , and baby boys do no wrong. Doesn't have to talk to u or ow? Hiding maybe?

Hey Sunny,

I know me & OW are nothing alike, first of all she is 28 on public asst. w/ 2 other kids whose daddy is in jail. Totally young & stupid. Granted I did some goofey things in my 20's but never tried to steal someone's H by getting pg.

How does he work at the d/c and not se OW. That would be hard.

He drives the bus, not sure if he picks up the baby or sees OW when she is dropped off.

Is he still going to mummies all the time. Maybe he just goes cause its quiet. Has mummy , and baby boys do no wrong. Doesn't have to talk to u or ow? Hiding maybe?

Not sure about that either how much he sees mummy, don't think he is hiding but maybe your right, she is giving him spiritual advice I am sure, you know she is really holy!

This morning I asked H what time we would discuss the contract tomorrow, he wouldn't give me a time & didn't want to talk about it of course. I sorta left in a snit, was listening to the radio in the car & they were having church at the radio station, I was praising God & crying all the way to work, almost had to pull over. I sent H a text message & told him if WE could put GOD first in our M, we could work this out. No response of course.

He doesn't want to sign off on the contract & abide by it I already know this but if he dooesn't
I am done, plan to do the best PB I can w/ him there until I pack his stuff & put it out. I am too tired to dance this dance anymore.

Not planning on going out tonite, need a rest from it, even though it pisses H off when I do. Actually have no plans for this weekend, maybe do something w/ H on Sunday if he acts right tomorrow, big IF there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Big ((((HUGS)))) BBYG!

Be strong and take "me time" this weekend.

I will Albany, thanks again for your support.

I real calm right now, will try to stay that way when we talk tomorrow, after my "praise session" in the car this morning I am feeling like I want to be close to him, I am sure that sounds strange. Anyway, I will find something to do w/ myself this evening other than think about how tomorrow will go.

Of course I got no reply from him re: my text message. But it is all good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey BBG how did your weekend go. Did you get H tired down and get to talk w/o lb'ing all over the place? Hope everything went well.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

BG,

I am so sorry. I see that it's been since Oct. and still not much of a change in H. From reading this post I can't tell if OC ever comes to your place? If not why? If so, when did it start?

I keep thinking that once visitation can take place at our house, things will calm down. I just need to make it another 2 mos or so. Not sure if I can.

Hey Sunny,

Wish I could say things went well, we talked Sat., he wants to make revisions to his portion of the contract & we will on Thursday. I did LB, I told him to leave me alone, I even attempted to move out of the bedroom but that futon is too uncomfortable.

We talked briefly about Fathers day, spending it togehter with his D, I don't believe it will happen though. When Thursday gets here he is gonna come up with some more stall tactics I am sure.

I starting to think about my future without him in it, I will be sad because I know we could have worked this out & had an even better M, but it looks to me as if I am the only one who wants this.

H's phone is off again so MIL called promptly looking for her baby boy, I started not to answer but did, took a message, we were civil to each other, that is it. I got really pissed & told H to tell her not to call anymore, which he said he would. I later felt convicted about it & told him, (against my better judgement), that it was ok for her to call the house, he appreciated that, I just hope I am not sorry I said that. Knowing mummy dearest she was going to call anyway, if he even told her, I was proud of myself for being an adult afterall that is his mother & he loves her, right? I turned off my ans. machine so at least I won't hear her irritating voice when I come home everyday!

Other than that my weekend was good, spent yesterday celebrating my grandmothers 89th b'day. This weekend my girlfriend turns 43 & two of my great nephews are celebrating their b'days too so I will be busy partying!!!!! Looking forward to that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so sorry. I see that it's been since Oct. and still not much of a change in H. From reading this post I can't tell if OC ever comes to your place? If not why? If so, when did it start? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H lived w/ OW & his D from her birth unitl last April 03. I saw the baby on a frequent basis while he lived w/ OW, of course once H came home OW started her s*&#. So since last April I have seen the baby on an irregular basis, since he has not gone to court for visitation, have not seen her since Feb. now & may never see her again, which I can live with, but I will not continue to live with H & not have his D visit at our home, so as I said he may not be in the picture much longer, this in not our only problem of course but it is a major one as you can imagine. That is why I keep telling you to nip this in the bud, I don't want to see you in my situation a year from now.

If your H won't put his foot down w/ OW than you put yours down w/ him! I sure wish I had of.

BBYG,

I AM INCLINED TO AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT THAT. I AM SORRY YOUR H IS NOT REALIZING WHAT HE HAS AT HOME. HE WILL DEFINATELY MISS IT IF YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE. THIS SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIVES AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE TO ENDURE. H SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS HURITNG YOU, BUT THEY DON'T REALLY SO THEY?

I HOPE THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE THAN TO REALIZE THAT THEY KNOW AND JUST DON'T CARE. I AM SORRY I'M SO HARSH TODAY JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS STUFF OFF MY CHEST.

SNYWAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND PRESERVE YOUR HEART SO THAT IT DOES NOT HARDEN. YOU MAY NEED IT AGAIN!

JT

BBG so glad you had a calm weekend. MIL is a case! Just remember your son may one day get you a DIL, so you know how NOT to act. So you will revise the contract and go over it thursday? I hope he will sit down w/ you and do it. Question. If H is seeing the D at daycare, maybe he thinks that is enough. Or does he go to OW home to see her too? Maybe he feels if he sees her at school then he doesn't need C at the home to upset you. Don't know. How did you act when she came around at first? How did you feel. Did it just come rushing all back to you? Its ok if you dont want to answer. I was just courious. I'm tring to picture what I will do and feel, but I guess I wont know til then. Talk at you in a while
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny

Hi Babygirl,

I am so sorry for your pain and that your husband has so little consideration for your feelings.
(((((((((((((((hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
Like I told love we need to love ourselves and do things for ourselves to feel better. I went and got my hair done. I think I will make an appointment to do my nails. I also go shopping for new clothes. That always feels good.

hEllo,
I just wanted to say I have been following your story. Just really no time post. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You asked how old the baby has to be before DNA is done. It can been done anytime after the birth. So people do it right at the hospital. They swap the inside of the cheek of the mother, child and alledged father.


Dawn

Sunny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BBG so glad you had a calm weekend. MIL is a case! Just remember your son may one day get you a DIL, so you know how NOT to act. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

This is my second M, my 1st MIL is as sweet as sugar, & even though my 1st H re-married 11 yrs. ago, she still tells me I will always be her DIL. I know one day I will have a DIL & I always tell everyone I pray I like her & one day will love her, but I know I will NEVER treat her like mine does me. I would never want to put my son in a position where he felt like he had to chose. It will be time to let go.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So you will revise the contract and go over it thursday? I hope he will sit down w/ you and do it. Question. If H is seeing the D at daycare, maybe he thinks that is enough. Or does he go to OW home to see her too? Maybe he feels if he sees her at school then he doesn't need C at the home to upset you. Don't know. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

That is the plan, if he backs out again I have to let it go & him too. I am not sure if H sees her other than daycare or not. He knows seeing her would not upset me, I ask him all the time about, this is what we talked about while we were separated, having her for the weekends, of course OW agreeded w/ that unitl H left her to come home to me.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How did you act when she came around at first? How did you feel. Did it just come rushing all back to you? Its ok if you dont want to answer. I was just courious. I'm tring to picture what I will do and feel, but I guess I wont know til then. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The very first time I saw her other than at the hospital, was in my home on Thanksgiving, she was about 7 weeks old, I felt nothing but love for her, & sadness for me, H fell asleep while I was holding her & I cried because she should have been my D, but H couldn't wait to see what the Lord had planned for us once I had my tubes untied. The last time I saw her this past Feb. I put her to sleep & while I held her I prayed for her, like it was the last time I would ever see her, since I knew then that it was a real possibility. Sure some days it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday, the pain, the anger, the frustration over the visitation issue being unresolved still, & I think why am I wasting my life in this??? But I have never felt anything but love for that baby.

Genia thanks for the hug & your support.

Hi,
I feel your pain. I thought of haveing my tubes untied for my husband too. I was just waiting for the right time. Not sure that I wanted to, but was thinking of it because he wanted a baby by me so bad. So thoughts of other woman's baby are bitter-sweet. Just sad that I could not be the one to give him that baby.

Genia,

I had my tubes tied after M, since H & I decided we didn't want any kids. I was preparing to have the surgery when this all came out.

I guess it wasn't God's plan though.

BBYG~

You are such a strong woman--I look up to you so much. ((((HUGS))). I haven't heard anything from KT, have you?? She is probably lurking. You are in my thoughts every night.

Thanks Albany,

I put on a good front. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are strong too, never forget that! Stronger than you know, this situation hasn't taken you out, you are still standing, still fighting like all of us here.

I am sure there are more women out there who throw in the towel upon DDay and never look back!!

BBYG,

YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN - PRAY FOR GUIDANCE AND IT WILL COME TO YOU. I THINK I REMEMBER YOU TEELING ME THAT ONCE. I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD BE IN YOUR SHOES BUT YOU HAVE TO SEARCH YOUR SOUL AND GOD WILL LEAD YOU. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE H MIND OR HEART YOU CAN ONLY FOCUS ON YOUR OWN. PRAY FOR PEACE WITHIN YOURSELF ANF GOD WILL DO THE REST.

THE DEVOTIONAL THAT YOU POSTED WAS WONDERFUL AND VERY INSPIRING. KNOW THAT WE LOVE YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU ALWAYS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

JT,

Thanks so much, I am starting to feel at this point all I can do is try in my own feeble way to encourage others.

My M is going down the tubes fast, H & I got into it last nite over $. He told me he would look for another job "when he got time" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He only works part time that I know of, he has so much s&%t w/ him it is unbelieveable. I got some AD's from my dr. yesterday, have not taken any since this whole mess started but I am starting to feel like I am coming apart at the seams. On top of all H's other BS I should have to deal w/ this financial stuff cuz he doesn't want to miss seeing his precious D at day care everyday?

I told him last nite that he is a "real man" & should be very proud of himself. Once again we are not talking, this once again lets him off the hook, we are supposed to go over the contract tomorrow. I knew he would come up w/ some excuse, it is fine though. My prayer last nite was for God to take me out of this mess, that is what I truly want now.

Looking for my way of escape.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BBG Just remember you have to take that step. God will see you through what your heart tells you to do. I think he likes you supporting him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Did you say the OW kicked him out or did he come home on his own? We've seen he doesn't want to leave, but he's not acting like he wants to work on the M either? These people are so hard to figure out. (WS) You either want to be there or not. Thats simple! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If your there then get happy and show some effort. If not leave so everyone else can be happy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Most people will make the other persons life unhappy w/ their actions and you should be able to tell if he is going to make an effort. I'm sorry your on such a roller coaster. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know you want off so bad!. Keep praying and your on the top of my list! I will pray that he gives you the strenght to do what you need to do.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Hi BabyGirl,

I am so sorry. It is like everything is too much to deal with. These WS keep walking on us. I am angry with my man now because he is not showing me affection. He goes to NA meetings and they hug each other. I guess he does not think about how he is the only one I got to meet my needs. He sees that as my problem. He rubs it in as my insecurity and failure that I don't have friends outside the marriage. I left him a short note expressing my anger and my needs. I wonder how he will respond to it? I am gonna call him and see how he took it. But if he responds indifferently, I will probably cry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you say the OW kicked him out or did he come home on his own? We've seen he doesn't want to leave, but he's not acting like he wants to work on the M either? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I believe it was a combination of both, he had planned to come home in May & she called & told me he would be home on April 13. Most times I think he is home cuz he has no where else to go, working on the M or assuring, supporting or just loving me seems to be so hard for him.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These people are so hard to figure out. (WS) You either want to be there or not. Thats simple! If your there then get happy and show some effort. If not leave so everyone else can be happy! Most people will make the other persons life unhappy w/ their actions and you should be able to tell if he is going to make an effort. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have said this to him so many times, this is very simple - you either want it or you don't. I told him if he doesn't want it - me & the M then I can accept that, I am a big girl & I will get over it, he accuses me of running & not wanting to work at our M when I ask him to leave. Go figure that one??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He is crazy & pretty soon I will be too if I dont' get rid of him.

I am borrowing $ from my parents, which I really didn't want to do, to get my house painted, I may use some of it to have my locks changed & put his stuff out on the curb, why am I even hesitating at his point? What else am I waiting for him to do or say? I venting, I know I am the only one who can answer those ?'s I just don't see anything changin at this point & I don't even think I will do Plan B, I just want him out of my life, & the great part is we have no kids, no financial ties so I never have to see him again, unless I totally lose what is left of my sanity & want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

BBYG,

Make sure that this is really what you want to do. Because if you so it there is no turning back. H will not want to come back and if he does he'll know that he can jerk your chain and do what he wants to do. The good thing about this is that you guys do not have any kids together so affecting their lives is not an issue.

I know that it will be hard, but how long do you plan to go on like this. Does God not want you to be happy? If nothing is really changiong and you are giving it your all - then you have answered your own ?. It is not good for you to stay with someone who in turn is not contributing or even trying as hard to keep the love alive.

Be sure to answer these questions for yourself and maybe then you'll have your answer. If not keep praying! Isn't that what you tell me. I don't think I could invest two years of my life to living in misery. I am setting a goal for a year of this agonizing pain, and then I must move on.

JT

JT,

Everything you say is true, & since the majority of you ladies have children w/ your H, it makes the decison much more difficult as to know when to call it quits.

I think I have hung in here this long cuz:

#1 H said he didn't want to lose me or give up on our M, still loved me, didn't want OW, would never M her - blah, blah, blah

#2 I still love him, even now, & this is 2nd M for me & I didn't want to feel like a 2 time loser, really thought God sent this man to me for life, so I vowed to stick it out & fight to the bitter end for my M.

#3 Because of my faith I thought that H & I could work thru our problems & that we could have an even better M including his daughter in our lives. I thought this was what God wanted me to do, I now think I was wrong.

I am slowly coming to terms that this is not meant to be, God has another plan for me. Maybe I invested the last 2 yrs. in trying to work this out so God could work thru me, building my character & showing off his strength in me when I thought I had none left or others thought I'd be in jail or the looney bin by now.

If this ends now, so be it, I can walk away w/ my head held high, my dignity & sanity intact & most of all w/ no regrets & what ifs???? And what is most appealing of all right now is the PEACE I will have. No more wondering where he is, if he is w/ OW, is he ever going to bring the baby over on a regular visitation schedule, what they have planned for D's b'day & Christmas, all that garbage.

I am praying & God will answer - in HIS own time though.

BBYG,

Just keep the faith and follow your heart and everything will be alright. I knwo you have invested a lot into this M and you need to know that if it is not meant to be - you are not a loser. The men in your life are the losers, they losta very loving and giving woman who tried her best to stand by them no matter what. They were to stupid to realize just what they had.

you'll know when you should let it go. keep the faithand let God lead you.


JT

(boy I'm on the positive role today it feels good)

BBYG~

You will know when it is right. Plan B it and if it doesn't change anything then just keep moving ahead with your life. You have done more than I could have I think since the two of you have no children of your own. you are an outstanding individual.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(boy I'm on the positive role today it feels good)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you are, & I am loving it!!!!

I know I am not a loser, that is what flashes thru my mind when I think of impending divorce #2.
Negative thoughts from the enemy.

Whatever the future holds for me, God will be w/ me, love from a man is nice although it often comes w/ strings & conditions & maybe even a time limit but my Fathers love for me is eternal, & I am so glad about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks so much Albany,

Don't make me cry.

Hi Babygirl,

I am supporting you either way. You ultimately will do what is best for you. I too think of that. I do not want to be one of those people who have five marriages. It seems I always chose the wrong men. If I do not make it this time I have got to take my time. I think I will make canidates fill out EN questionaire before I date them. How does that sound?

Genia,

Sounds like a plan to me, how about a pre-A clause before M, if H has an A the BW gets EVERYTHING automatically & H has to pay for the divorce. If OC is produced from A H must have vasectomy (sp) also! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey,

That sounds good!! I should have thought of that eventhough I asked my H to have one when we had our last child, but of course nothing came of it. Except an A and a baby with someone else!!

Let's stay positive I want him to experience life without me in it and a strain from not being with the children and see how he likes it!!

I was thinkning about not going home a couple of nights and still not telling him where we are and see how he likes it. I wonder if he thinks that this is all a game.

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Let's stay positive I want him to experience life without me in it and a strain from not being with the children and see how he likes it!!

I was thinkning about not going home a couple of nights and still not telling him where we are and see how he likes it. I wonder if he thinks that this is all a game. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That sounds like a good idea, I saw a couple of H's on Oprah left alone w/ kids for the weekend while the mom was away - it wasn't pretty!

I believe that they all think it is a game, maybe not intentionallly, but that is what it feels like to me. I am too old to play anymore, & too tired. I agree though do what you have to do to get his attention. I have been there done that. Now I'm just done. Not trying to bring you down, & sorry if I sound negative, I am only speaking for myself & this mess of a M I am currently in. There is hope for you, I do believe that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Whatever the future holds for me, God will be w/ me, love from a man is nice although it often comes w/ strings & conditions & maybe even a time limit but my Fathers love for me is eternal, & I am so glad about it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BG - You are so right as usual. The love of God is all we need. I am beginning to think men are more hassle than they are worth. Let's ship them all back to Mars.

I don't know how you have done this for so long. I have really been trying to stay strong and focused. But I am getting so tired of the same old lame excuses. My H is so selfish. He has always looked out for himself first. Not exactly my idea of family. I am really beginning to wonder if he will ever change. There are those doubts creeping in again. Sometimes it is just so hard to fight them.

Sorry, didn't mean to start on my problems on your thread.

You have done all you can do. There comes a time that we have to realize we can't do anymore. All we are responsible for is ourselves. We have taken this horrible situation that we didn't ask to be in and we give our all to try and save our M's. We can try and try, but it can't be done alone. When the time is right, you will know that you are done. I hate to see anyone give up, but we can't keep doing this forever with nothing in return. You deserve more - your H is a fool. I pray that you find the happiness you deserve. You are a great friend and I hope you will continue to share your great advice with us.

Hi Baby girl,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how about a pre-A clause before M, if H has an A the BW gets EVERYTHING automatically & H has to pay for the divorce. If OC is produced from A H must have vasectomy (sp) also! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like the humor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Hi KrisM,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am beginning to think men are more hassle than they are worth. Let's ship them all back to Mars. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
It is so good to have humor with our emotions being out of control and all. We deserve a good laugh. Thanks!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kris,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am really beginning to wonder if he will ever change. There are those doubts creeping in again. Sometimes it is just so hard to fight them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember only GOD can change H or mine, we can't do it, all we can do is pray for God to touch their hearts & be still while God is doing his work on them. In the meantime we need to pray for ourselves & our family as we wait for God to change us also. I admit I could have prayed harder for my H & this situation, as I say though if it is God's will then it will come to pass, & I don't believe it is so I have accepted that & I am ready to move on alone.

Currently I have nothing to say to him, of course he was to exchange hellos & goodbyes now, I don't. We are supposed to talk about the contract this evening, most likely I won't even mention it & he won't either. He is not ready to do anything I have asked of him, & pulling his weight financially is at the top of the list. I am now checking on what will happen if I lock him out, I don't want to do that only to have him call the police & have them tell me I have to let him stay there unitl I have a D in the works.

Your are 100% right Kris, my H is a FOOL.

BBYG,

He is a FOOL!! He does not even realize what love you ahve ofr him to even tolerate this behavior. I am praying for you, but you know when it is time for you to leave. God did not put you here for this torment. Plus God might be giving you your answer by not changing H. It may not always be what we want but we have to face it when it comes.

H has a different agenda and priorities so you need to be focused on you and what you need to do. You can not change him and maybe you are not the woman who is suppose to. I don't mean to sound harsh but it hurts me to know that you have given two years to making this work and he still has not gotten it.

I don't want a time to come for you when you think that you've wasted ten years trying to make it work. Or when OC is graduating H.S. and H finally decides that it is time to work on your M.

How long is too long with nothing is the real question? I am praying for you and will try to support you in whatever you do!!

Love ya,

JT

BBYG,

One other thing that I want you to remember is that GOD already has your future written. He knows what you will do so whatever you decide he will not be disappointed in you, for he knew al along. He holds our future in his hands, and happiness is promised to those that are righteous. I believe you to be a righteous woman and virtuous woman.

There is no way that you would not be doing his will for knows all things!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

BG,
I hope you guys talked last night and it went well.

I do like the idea of having a pre-marital agreement regarding A and OC. I would be set if I did that before.

BG, I have the same exact feelings as you do. All three, even the looser one. We know we are not loosers but just like everything else, either the heart or the head pulls you in one direction more than the other. In my heart I know I am not but my little pea brain tells me I am.

Take you time, I know it's been two years but you can still plan and think before you make a move. Haste makes waste. My H hastely left last time over something so simple and stupid and the waste his haste made was OC.

I think there needs to be a saint of marriages or family or somthing. It should be all of us, everyone here fighting to keep it together, trying to forgive and move on, looking to God for support. I vote us Saint's of Marriages. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Since I am not really up on all the Siants, I have no idea if there already is one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am praying for you, but you know when it is time for you to leave. God did not put you here for this torment. Plus God might be giving you your answer by not changing H. It may not always be what we want but we have to face it when it comes. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I know God can change this & turn it all around, change H & me too, but as I said, it may not be his will, & if so I am ready to face that.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H has a different agenda and priorities so you need to be focused on you and what you need to do. You can not change him and maybe you are not the woman who is suppose to. I don't mean to sound harsh but it hurts me to know that you have given two years to making this work and he still has not gotten it. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

There is NO WOMAN that can change him, only GOD. I think maybe I am not the mate God has chosen for him. Everyone is not meant to have the gift of M. I don't think you are being harsh just a caring friend.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want a time to come for you when you think that you've wasted ten years trying to make it work. Or when OC is graduating H.S. and H finally decides that it is time to work on your M.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

No worries there, I will not waste another year, maybe not even another month on this. Unless H does a 360 immediately, I am done, & I don't see that happening. I made my peace w/ not seeing my step daughter ever again this past February so I am ok w/ that too.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How long is too long with nothing is the real question? I am praying for you and will try to support you in whatever you do!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thanks, I am praying for all of us as well, unless the Lord says different to me I have a deadline in mind, someitme between now & the end of the summer H will have to leave.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One other thing that I want you to remember is that GOD already has your future written.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that, I tell myself all the time it is already done, whatever the outcome may be. I will be alright & praise the Lord anyhow!


Luv,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope you guys talked last night and it went well.

BG, I have the same exact feelings as you do. All three, even the looser one. We know we are not loosers but just like everything else, either the heart or the head pulls you in one direction more than the other. In my heart I know I am not but my little pea brain tells me I am. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

All the emotions, the ups & downs, the positive moments & the moments where you just want to throw in the towel for good. They are part of the rollercoaster. It has taken me almost 2 yrs. to figure out this ride is making me sick & I better get off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> We didn't talk last nite at all, we may tonite but I doubt it. I really don't have much to say to him at this point.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take you time, I know it's been two years but you can still plan and think before you make a move. Haste makes waste. My H hastely left last time over something so simple and stupid and the waste his haste made was OC. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I understand what you are saying, I made a hasty deciscion on DDay & threw H out, I will never know if it would have mad a difference in how this all turned out or not. I doubt it. He was seeing OW as much as possible during that time, & I know he would not have ended A w/ OW so it is highly that I still wouldn't have had to put him out.

At this point I am totally drained & w/o any real effort from him I feel as if I am wasting me time. As JT said how long do I continue to put up w/ this from him??? I feel as if he is continually pushing to see much I will take before I snap, and I am really close now.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think there needs to be a saint of marriages or family or somthing. It should be all of us, everyone here fighting to keep it together, trying to forgive and move on, looking to God for support. I vote us Saint's of Marriages. Since I am not really up on all the Siants, I have no idea if there already is one </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I agree, a saint would be lovely, especially if they could come down & kick our H's in the butt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Love you guys too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well ladies,

Headed home, off tomorrow, but I will check in. Going out this evening to celebrate the arrival of my best friends new grand baby!


Hope everyone has a great evening!

Hey posting buddy!! Hows everything in your world! I hope good. Are you still consitrating on you ? Girl I hope so. Hows H doing? Tonight we are to do the contract thing right? How do you think its going to go? SOO many ?'s who is close to ar? Are you? I'm going on vacation, off for 12 whole days!!!! H has to work so me and the girls are hitting the road. Don't know where, but the cabin is the starting point. I hope I've build enough trust in H to leave. But if he does anything,as many people are watching us lately,
I will know. But if I didn't feel I could I don't think I would leave for that long. He will be coming up on the weekends too so its not like we will be apart for 12 days. I need this sooo bad and so do the girls. H needs it to but he has no Vacation time built up. I do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well enough about me. Send me back to my thread. Tell me hows you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hey BG - I saw that you posted a few things tonight and was hoping you were around now.

Did you and H negotiate the contract tonight? How did it go?

Hope things turn around for you. You deserve so much more than he is giving you. Hope you find some happiness soon.

BBYG,

I hope that you had the discussion with H last night. I know that you are strong and you will do what is best for you. I do think that you have been doing what is best for your H is stead of taking care of yourself. You need to make sure that you take care of yourself also - M is a two way street and both partners must participate.

But on a lighter note I will have a Martini for you too this weekend and will toast each of you. So know that someone will be thinking kind thoughts of you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep praying!!


JT

Hello Ladies,

H & I talked briefly, he forgot to re-write his contract, said he didnt' have time & I know he did. Actually had the nerve to tell me I was not abiding by the things he wrote down on his contract previously????? Duh - why would I when I never signed off on it. He is truly a piece of work.

I told him to find somewhere to go & live, I am done for real. No more games for me. Surprisingly I am not upset, expected as much from him - NOTHING & that is what I got. It is ok though this won't last much longer. Right now I am gonna concentrate on getting my house painted & me & of course getting him out. I just talked to a good friend of ours, the same one I wanted to talk to H & he was trying to reach him, of course H was ducking him, & my friend told me that he never understood why I took him back anyway, he has known us both since we got married & he knows how inconsiderate H is & how he has shown no remorse about any of this, he wondered why I have stayed in this as long as I have, I know that he cares about us both & how much he admired me for not walking away from H in the beginning. He is a minister & I kinda feel like that further confirms what I know I need to do.

I didn't make it out last nite, but I am going out tonite to celebrate my girlfreinds 43rd b'day. Tomorrow I have a b'day party for my two great nephews & I plan to get my goddaughter tomorrow also so my weekend is not looking too shabby.

I hope everyone had a good day & will have a great weekend, I will check on everyone else now.

BG - Hope you have a fabulous weekend. I'll say it again - your H is such a fool. Hope you find the happiness you deserve. Remember when one door closes, God will open another. Take care of you and know you are in my thoughts.

Hi Babygirl,

It takes a lot of strength to do what you are doing. I may be going through the same thing soon. It seems wayward husbands always try to get us to give in an inch and then they take a mile. So sorry. I hope you keep your head up and stay around positive people. You are doing what is best for you. The roller coaster ride is very painful. I am still riding but I think I need to get off soon unless husband starts treating me with more respect.

BBGY~ Do what you need to do and we will all support you here at this site. You do have to promise to keep posting because it has been you many times who has kept me going.

Kris, Genia, & Albany

Thank you all for your thoughts prayers & encouragement. I hope things are going well with all of you.

My weekend was good, Friday I was off because of Regan's funeral & I spent the day w/ my girlfiend, buying paint for my house, shopping for me & we went to lunch to celebrate her b'day, plus went out that nite. H was asleep when I got in, & wanted to grill me about where I was & who I was with Sat. morning, I gave him one word answers for the most part. He stayed home til almost 2:00 p.m. which was unsual for him. I found out, by snooping of course that he is about to have his license revoked because of non-payment of child support! It killed me to say not to say anything to him about it but I didn't, in some ways I really don't care, but then again I do, he is digging himself in such a hole & he thinks this will not affect anyone but him. His phone is still off & he has not helped me pay a bill in over a month. Most annoying of all he seems to not care about any of it. His main focus right now it what????? Certainly not me or us. The thing that bugs me too, is that he was always quick to call my son's dad a deadbeat, he spent no time w/ my son & paid little or no CS unless I dragged him into court. Now who is the deadbeat????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I have no clue as to how his mind is working these days & I don't think he does either.

So the rest of Sat. I spent at my 2 great nephew's b'day party, H went out Sat. nite & I didn't see him again til Sunday morning. I left for church w/o saying good bye. Thought about him a lot while there since the pastor was talking about how we as chrisians are supposed to invite others to get to know Christ. My H is a christian but has been out of fellowship for yrs. I know I should be praying for him earnestly, that if nothing else he would come back to Christ, even if we are not together, so I did pray for him yesterday for that reason, I feel right now his walk w/ the Lord is more important than anything else. I was gonna talk to him about how I missed the God fearing man he used to be, the man who exteneded the invitation to me to accept Christ as my personal savior when I got home but he was leaving as I was coming back from church, I didn't see him again until late last nite, he was trying to make small talk but by then I didnt want to talk. My neighbors were having a loud party last nite so I slept in the other bedroom on the futon, when H woke up he was pissed & asked if I was sleeping in there for a particular reason? I told him I couldn't sleep in our bedroom because of the noise, he slammed the door, later said see you later & left for work. I had a terrible time sleeping last nite, as much as I want to I can't move in there for good, & I have asked him too before & I know he won't plus he has a bad back. So that is pretty much where I am at right now, except now I am not sure what to do, how can I put him out now with him possibly about to lose his license, he drives for a living, I know it is not my responsibility that he is screwing up his life more & more each day,& he is leaving me in the dark about so many things, living this double life still & he really thinks that I am going to continue living w/ him like this. I know I shouldn't care what happens to him but I do & is it wrong of me to further add to his problems by putting him out? I am wondering if I should even bring up the suspension, he will know I went thru his pants again but so what, things can't get any worse at this point. H used to discuss EVERYTHING w/ me especially financial matters before the A, I used to help him manage his $ but now like I said everything is done is secret or by letting his mummy or OW help him I guess. I will most likely bring it up, since have never been one to keep my mouth shut. I am starting to feel sorry for him, it is like he is in this downward spiral & I can't stop him from falling. I know I should be more concerned about myself & getting him out of my house, &walking away from it all.

Friday, my best friends live in boy friend left her after a 4 yr. relationship & they lost a baby 2 yrs. ago, so I have been trying to help her, when I am such a mess myself, so sorry for the long ramble, I needed to get that all out & I didn't want to burden her with it. Thanks for reading ladies, you all mean so much to me.

BBG TELL HIM TO GO TO MOMMIES !!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She listens to him and he talkes to her more. I don;t understand this man. Either act like you want to be there or get out. Dang. I feel for you having to deal with the roller coaster like you do. I wished it would come to an end before you end up hating this man. And to spend that much time with someone and end up hating them is bad. I'm glad you are making a life for yourself and this has not gotten you hiding from the world. I'm glad you have friends to turn to. Do you have to file papers to get him out? And he's not worried about your feelings and the pain he is causing. Send him to his moms. Sorry I just hate to see him do you like this. You are a great person and a wonderful mom and friend! Don't let him tell you different. And with your faith, God has a special person in mind for you !!! (If hubby doesn't get a clue soon.) I hope your day has been good! You posting buddy.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny,

Thanks for reading my "novel".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wished it would come to an end before you end up hating this man. And to spend that much time with someone and end up hating them is bad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel the same way, I don't want to hate him, there was once so much love between us & to see it reduced to the situation as it is now, is so sad. I do still love him but not as much as I once did, he is killing it slowly, & I have told him that more than once, he doesn't get it though or doesn't want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am really starting to pity him cuz I know he is a good man, at least he used to be, he has been running w/ the devil so long & thinks he is his only friend I think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know I can't save him but it hurts to watch him continue to fall like this.

I do think I am going to bring up the suspension & ask him to leave again. My lawyer told me once I file for D I could have H removed from the house. I can't see him fighting me if I lock him out now w/o filing legal papers, but I don't know.

As far as finding someone else, don't even want to entertain the thought, maybe I am supposed to be single. I have a ex-boyfriend who will be divorced soon who is waiting for me to throw H out, but I don't want to pursue a relationship with him or anyone else right now, & I know that is not what you are saying, you are talking future.

I have a wonderful family a great son & god daughter, I have friends who are closer to me than my own sisters, a good job & my health. I love the Lord & I know he loves me, so I will concentrate on all those positives in my life. Of course I can't fully do that until the living situation w/ H is resolved.

I am really tired of limbo land.

Babygirl!

Chica! Take your prozac. There was a reason your doc prescribed it...believe me, once you begin taking it, you'll be FAR more able to look at your situation more objectively and more apt to make positive choices for your life.

I know I'm still new to this board, and you all don't know me from Adam, but I am so seriously not new to this situation.

I am SO here for all of you - just as I know you are "ears and shoulders" for me. Baby - email me if you have ANY questions. I totally don't mind. I'm such an open book that it irritates the heck out of my dh (LMAO - he should've considered that, eh?).

Baby, you've got the right 'tude 'bout the positives in your life...you're doing great, imo! Hugs.

- Kimmy

Thanks for your reply, I am the one who actually asked my dr. for something, I figured after struggling w/ all this for almost 2 yrs. maybe it was time to get a little help.

I am truly tired of the up/down flip/flop of course H giving me false hope doesn't help anything. I still say you are remakable, I always have it in the back of my mind that H will get OW pg. again, I truly think I would snap & kill him if he did.

If by some miracle H & I stay together I will take you up on that email offer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks again.

BBYG,

You are a strong woman - what have you all been telling me about getting on some meds? If you have a sript you need to fill it. thias is hard times and we all might need a little extra push and stability. But you know that i am here for you girl!!

just pray and take your time!! you will prevail!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

Baby - Can I ask you a question? Did it piss you off royally that YOU had to be the one to go to the doc and get the meds? I know this is a weird question. But see, remember when I said I knew I needed help when I lost my sense of humor...well, in retrospect I know I needed help a long time before that - I know that my life could've been a lot better had my dh tried to help me. I harbored a lot of resentment that he couldn't pull himself out of his quagmire long enough to help me - because in essence I know that husbands are supposed to care and be there for their wives.

I dunno if I'm wording this right. For a long time I was SO PISSED that he didn't take care of me then and help me be better. Now I know that he couldn't even take care of himself at that time...but at the time OH BOY did I ever resent him! It was like why do I have to be strong enough to get myself help? Why am I the one to have to hitch up my britches and make my life right? He promised to take care of me, why can't he do it???

Of course, me knowing the whys of his behavior then helps a little - but it still hurts sometimes.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this....I tried to 'splain it to some people, but most don't even comprehend my situation, much less my feelings...you know?

- Kimmy

JT,

I have had the pills since last Thurs. I was waiting to take them cuz I knew I'd be drinking over the weekend. I guess I am a little afraid to take them, not sure why. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am gonna start today though, thanks for your support.

Kimmy,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did it piss you off royally that YOU had to be the one to go to the doc and get the meds? I know this is a weird question. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually at this point yes & no, it pisses me off that I am in this situation, in Oct. 02 shortly after the baby was born I told my doctor about the whole mess & asked for rx sleeping pills, at that time I had lost over 30 lbs., DDay was July 02 & H , fast forward to the present I have gained back those 30 lbs. +, I am tired, think of nothing but this situaiton & or how to get out of it, so I think it is time. I guess I am not pissed because I have kept myself in this situation this long for whatever reasons, my faith, love for H etc. So yes I could have gotten out of this while he lived w/ OW & I was 30+ lbs. lighter, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but I didn't do I am somewhat pissed at myself.

I understand how you feel completely & only those of us who have lived & are living it can.

BBG email sent? Did you get?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Got it, sent reply.

Hope you are having a good evening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Babygirl,

Hope you are doing OK. I made a Doctor's appointment and will talk to him about Meds. My husband talked to me and told me I was letting Other Woman rent space in my head. What a way to put it. It is true. I need to do something before I run everybody away with my sadness. Good Luck to you Babygirl. I updated my story under my name. Keep me posted concerning your situation. I do care.

Genia - Your dh put it perfectly! I'll have to remember that one! Good luck and let us know how you fare.

- Kimmy, who's seriously considering changing her life's slogan to, "better living through chemistry."

PS - Told you I have a warped sense of humor.

Hey Genia,

I took my 1st pill yesterday, (generic prozac), I am still not sure if I need them, since I know what I need to do to feel better.

I didn't talk to H at all last nite, just hello last nite & bye this morning before he left for work. I am thinking of talking to him tonite when he gets in about the license suspension & what is going on w/ him. Mostly though I plan to tell him one more time that I want him to leave, we could exist like this forever I think if it were up to H. He doesn't want to do any work on himself or our M. I have no idea what is going on w/ OW & baby & he claims to still be waiting for a court date for visitation in our home. He is lying I know, has been for quite sometime, OW doesn't want the baby around me & he goes along with it to not rock the boat or who knows maybe he thinks I am unfit to be around the baby too.

It was funny this morning I started thinking about his cell being turned off & how his first cell phone was in OW's name, bought so they could keep in touch secretly at the start of their affair, but dummy gave the # to his family & job so I found out about it - duh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It just pissed me off, maybe cuz the 2 yr anniversary of DDay is approaching too, I know one thing this July 14 will be a lot different than in 2002 & 2003, most likely I will be alone, but this time alone & in peace.

Baby -

I'm glad you decided to at least try the meds. Your cell phone story reminded me of all the little things dh did that I either didn't know about at the time, or wrote off to him being so busy at work. Believe it or not, you'll probably get to my point where something like that might cross your mind, but then you'll just say, "Yep - what a horse's [censored]," then get on with your day. That's how the meds helped me. Instead of getting mad at the stupidity of it all, I can drop it - he can't change that he was a horse's [censored] then, and neither can I - and the madder I get about it the worse it makes ME .

Darlin' if you're ready, kick his butt to the curb. You certainly don't need him being there - good for nothing but being a paperweight, and he sure as heck is sittin' there moochin' off you cause he knows what a good woman you are - he'd sit there till the second coming if you'd let him. Your heart's been through enough if you're ready, it's time to breathe a little easier!

Whatever you decide to do, though, you got people here to support you!

-Kimmy

Thanks Kimmy,

should I call you that or Nios? I guess I really didn't get truly pissed it was actually more funny than anything that he thought he could keep the cell phone a secret by telling his job & family about it?????? I will say it again - DUH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You are right though, God help me I still love him, but I love him enough to let him go & that seems to be the only way I CAN LET GO. He is draining the life out of me literally, & in a lot of ways I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, not enough to fight for me, for our M, for my right to play "step mommy" on a regular basis - NOTHING.

I do have to say I am not mad as I used to be about all of this, it just saddens me that H can't see that the very best woman he will ever have in his life is about to be gone for good, & that after 2 yrs. it has come to this. So maybe if nothing else the meds will help me deal w/ the last leg of this journey.

Hang in there BBYG. You will make it and the meds help so much--they just allow you to let things go. Big ((((HUGS))))

Thanks Albany,

I am a hanging. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Thanks Kimmy,

should I call you that or Nios </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Either is fine. Nio is my dh's nickname - I've used it as a screen name since...oh I dunno...since forever. My online mommy girlfriends call me Kimmy - we've all known each other since ttc (trying to conceive) our Nov. 99 babies - it's kinda a working mommy club. Both are habit for me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are right though, God help me I still love him, but I love him enough to let him go & that seems to be the only way I CAN LET GO. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, believe me I totally understand. I'm to that point right now. I think dh figured that out because for the past month or so he's been tops for me. He's had a complete turnaround. You know what did it? Unknowingly, I began doing the steps in Plan A. It was unknowingly because I hadn't even visited this site yet. How weird is that? All those things that it said not to do - talking about the future, telling him I love him, I just cut it out and began visiting the beach wit the kids every weekend, taking them to the library, in essence not waiting around for his sorry butt to get up off the sofa. Now, even as of this morning he was talking about buying a house, what we're gonna do on bacation (that's what my 4 yo calls it), making plans. I love that man to pieces - but you know we can't change them, we can't change the past, and we sure as heck can't make it "better" for them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just saddens me that H can't see that the very best woman he will ever have in his life is about to be gone for good, & that after 2 yrs. it has come to this. So maybe if nothing else the meds will help me deal w/ the last leg of this journey.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, there's always Plan B, and maybe you doing what you have to do will open his eyes up. You are so right - it IS so very sad what they do to themselves. I think we all get to a point where even tho it might hurt, we know that our lives would be a heckuva lot more peaceful without this drama. Drama is exhausting, you know? I don't know about you, but one way or another, I'm gonna have peace in my life again - I swear it!

Whatever you decide, tho, I'm behind you 100%!

-Kimmy

Hi Babygirl,

I feel for you and wish you strength to do what you need to do. In my near breakup over the weekend I had mixed feelings. I hope staying together was best. If not I will be where you are soon.

BBYG~

Just checking on you. Wanted to see how the battle goes. Thinking of you.

BBYG,

I hope everything is going better for you 'cause I am having a bad ady and a bad life! Please tell me your H is doing better than mine about the M. I hope he can really wake up to see what a wonderful person you are. Talk to you soon gotta go back to work.

JT

I got sick with a stomach virus from the time I left work on Tues. & still not feeling too hot today, so H & I didn't talk at all. He has been very attentive & helpful, even called to check up on me yesterday, but it doesn't change anything.

Kimmy- </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, there's always Plan B, and maybe you doing what you have to do will open his eyes up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can't see myself doing PB w/ H, I should have done it while he was gone for 8 months, I have endured 2 separations from H, won't do a 3rd. Don't want to be concerned w/ what he is doing & whom, do that now, do that now, it would be worse if he didnt live here again. Me throwing him out again I am sure will wake him up, but it will be too late.

Genia - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel for you and wish you strength to do what you need to do. In my near breakup over the weekend I had mixed feelings. I hope staying together was best. If not I will be where you are soon. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, it is sooooo hard to come to the conclusion that your M is not going to work & you need to live separately, I hope you don't get to that point either, but you & only you will know when you have. Until then pray & fight for your M.


JT </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I hope everything is going better for you 'cause I am having a bad ady and a bad life! Please tell me your H is doing better than mine about the M. I hope he can really wake up to see what a wonderful person you are. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could tell you my H is treating me better or at least making some strides toward meeting my needs. He will think it was a great accomplishment that he called me yesterday & was concerned about me being sick, like a few hrs. of caring will wipe away all the rest of the crap. I really don't see him waking up anytime soon unfortunately, too childish & stubborn.

I have a deadline in mind of July 14, 2 yr. anniversary of DDAY, as good a day as any right? I am still gonna talk to him tonite, & I know he will get upset about me going thru his pockets, oh well, tell the truth! Not to mention fathers day is coming & I has asked him about the 3 of us spending it together. I know he won't have his D that day either, maybe OW is taking him out, & why do I care anyway. I may as well spend that day with the only man who has ever truly loved & cared for me - my Father.

bbyg,

I AM SO SORRY. YOU SOUND SO SAD. I WISH I COULD JUST SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOUR H FOR YOU. IF I DID HE WOULD DEFINATELY HAVE A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE BECAUSE I PACK A WALLUPPING PUNCH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!

NO SERIOUSLY I HOPE THAT HE DOES BETTER IN THE NEAR FUTURE. I CAN NOT BLAME YOU FOR THE DEADLINE EVENTHOUGH YOU WOULD PROBABLY ADVISE ME NOT TO RUSH THINGS. BUT OF COURSE YOU HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH AND ARE NOT ACTING OUT OF ANDGER. YOU WOULD TELL ME THAT GOD HAS HIS TIMEFRAME IN MIND AND YOU SHOULD WAIT ON HIM, BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO STEER YOU AWAY FROM YOUR PLAN JUST REMINDING YOU OF SOME WELL APPRECIATED ADVICE A FRIEND ONCE GAVE ME (THAT WOULD BE YOU!)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


TAKE YOUR TIME,

JT

JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> YOU WOULD TELL ME THAT GOD HAS HIS TIMEFRAME IN MIND AND YOU SHOULD WAIT ON HIM, BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO STEER YOU AWAY FROM YOUR PLAN JUST REMINDING YOU OF SOME WELL APPRECIATED ADVICE A FRIEND ONCE GAVE ME (THAT WOULD BE YOU!)!

TAKE YOUR TIME, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are absolutely right, that is what I would tell you, I love it when someone gives my "words of wisdom" right back to me. If LB should be your middle name, Deadline should be mine. Seems as if I always have a date in mind to do something about my H & my M.

I was thinking maybe I got sick the other nite cuz I wasn't supposed to talk to H, right now I just feel like I need to make something happen, (did I ever mention that I am a bit of a control freak??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) If I follow the advice I just gave you on your thread, be still & listen for God's directions, how do I not go crazy in the meantime? Ah.... Prozac?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I am really not as sad as I sound, or maybe I am fooling myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Not sure what to do when H comes in tonite, want some answers but not in the mood for a confrontation or him being pissed off w/ me. We haven't been talking at all, & sometimes quiet can be a good thing. Am I making any sense at all????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

BG - I have been reading and hearing the words deadlines and taking control alot. Not just from you and others here (including me). I hear it from my Mom (You can't let this go on forever.) I hear it from friends, neighbors, family... All mean well and want whats best for me.

This is our society - control and deadlines. Makes us seem like such impatient and untrusting people. How does God put up with us?? I struggle with this all the time. I know I need to let go and let God handle all this in his time. Why is that so hard???

I am struggling with so many issues lately, I think my head is spinning. I doubt myself about everything. Do I fight or give up? If I give up, will God be disappointed? How do I know what God is telling me to do vs. the enemy tempting me? What am I missing out on questioning everything?

Heck, I think I am just going insane most days.

In the end, it doesn't really matter what I want or do. I have no control over this and that is what is driving me nuts. I sit back and try to do what is right, but all I see is my family still falling apart and H still hiding away. When it comes right down to it, until H finds God and puts his life back together, I don't think there is hope. I can talk to him about God until I am blue in the face and tell what is the right thing to do, but he has the freedom to decide what he wants. And if that is not his family and God, then my M will end. Question is how long do you wait? How long are we expected to endure the pain and suffering?

I know God will reward us for our pain and suffering. That we will find happiness and love again. But when and with who?

So many questions, so many doubts, such lack of trust and faith. What is my problem??? Maybe I am just absolutely certifiable.

Sorry for the long ramble.

Hi Babygirl,

I really do care about you. I feel a connection because we are all going through similar things where our husbands basically just take us for granted. They feel they can treat us any way they please. The only thing that wakes them up is losing us or fear of losing us. God will guide you.

Hi BG, long time!

I apologize, not very up to date on your situation, but I did catch the deadline thing.

I don't think you're wrong at all to have a time set in your mind. As long as threats aren't being made to your H, and it doesn't sound like that's happening.

You've been on this ride w/out a destination for a very long time. It's ok to have a time set up to disembark.

My only question is, (and again, I apologize if I missed something), is July 14 the deadline before you file for D or for PB? I'm guessing D, because you said something about PB waking him up but it would be too late? What I don't get, is if you think PB might actually work, why would it be too late? You've waited this long, but another month or two would be too late?

I guess I've never understood when people want Plan A to work really badly, but when it doesn't, they don't want to go to Plan B, (usually out of fear of losing their spouse for good), but are willing to go straight to D <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . I'm not saying you're doing that, (because God knows you've been there done that w/ all the plans!), but I wonder what would be the harm in doing Plan B. It will give him time without you, but also time for YOU without him, so that you can more clearly decide if you want to proceed with the D.

Hope you're feeling better.

~ad

Morning,

Well against my better judgement I couldn't keep my mouth shut & brought up the suspension & asked why he wasn't paying CS, of course he lied, said he was & that he got everything straightened out w/ his license. I then asked about his job he only works at the daycare he says, & after work everyday he goes to the bowling alley or his mummy's or family house, not to see OW or baby, anywhere but home, so I asked how are we going to work on anything like this of course he got upset about me knowing about the CS & suspension cuz he knew I snooped to get that info & he avoided the my questions totally.

I then asked him about Fathers day of course his mummy & sister, nieces & nephews are taking him out, he won't have his D though, he is such a liar. You can't tell me he won't have that girl on Fathers Day. His family took him out last yr. too, I wasn't invitied of course, not this yr. either. Said we could so something before he went out w/ the family, I told him no, I wanted to spend the day w/ him & the baby. I also told him it was mighty funny that he has been a step father for 6 yrs. & his mummy never took him out until he made this baby out of wedlock, oh never mind that LETS CELEBRATE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Then he told me the doesn't bring the baby over cuz he just hasn't, has nothing to do w/ OW! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So what does that say ladies, HE doesn't want the baby around me????? Of course that is not what he meant - so he says, it is still about that b*&ch, it always will be. I told him I was going to lock him out & maybe he would get it then, that I am not going to continue to play this game w/ him. Told him he was holding me back from moving on & holding me down. I told him that he thinks I am a joke & this will go on & on, he asked me if I wanted him to leave?????? Duh I wrote you a letter, gave it to you twice. & I ask you at least 3 x's a month to leave me the hell alone. No one is that thick!!!!

There was a lot more said that I dont even remember, the same ole stuff, I LB'd but I remained calm, which is not my usual style. He got real hyper, & said he could tell I wasn't sick anymore.

This morning he started in about me going out tonite, I told him he doesn't love me or care what I do so why pretend, he got upset & left for work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When it comes right down to it, until H finds God and puts his life back together, I don't think there is hope. I can talk to him about God until I am blue in the face and tell what is the right thing to do, but he has the freedom to decide what he wants. And if that is not his family and God, then my M will end. Question is how long do you wait? How long are we expected to endure the pain and suffering?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kris I feel the same way about my H, I meant to tell him these things not that he would listen but it couldn't hurt, he was pissed off anyway & gets more pissed when I mention he is out of fellowship w/ the Lord. I wish I could tell you how long to wait, I sure wish God had told me point blank not to spend 2 yrs. w/ this bulls#@t. I reminded H about that coming up (2 yr. anniversary of DDay), & he says all I do is dwell on the past, maybe if the future looked different from the past I wouldn't. He would be content to live like this for the next 10, maybe 20 yrs. He has his separate life w/ OW & baby & I fit in where????? When he wants SF, that is all I feel I am good for, oh & I provide a roof over his head, I can't forget that. I am really sick of him & right about now I can be alone the rest of my life, men are not worth the trouble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My only question is, (and again, I apologize if I missed something), is July 14 the deadline before you file for D or for PB? I'm guessing D, because you said something about PB waking him up but it would be too late? What I don't get, is if you think PB might actually work, why would it be too late? You've waited this long, but another month or two would be too late? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey AD,

Good to hear from you, I am feeling better, thanks for asking.

I probably answered this ? in the other post, but I found out about A & OW being pg. on July 14, 2002, that date is fast approaching & I figured I would use that as a deadline date for changing the locks if H won't leave before then OR by some miracle he makes a true committment w/ action to back it up to work on our M.

I don't really see it as a PB at this time, as I said before I don't want to do another separation, it is now or never, it doesn't take this long to figure out what you want out of your life or should I say who you want in your life. He has had TWO YEARS to figure out which head to think with & use it accordingly. I am tired, a month or two living apart from me may wake him up, but I am not gonna wait on him again like that.

I have no plans to file for a D, why should I pay for that, I did nothing wrong, plus I don't have money for it. If he leaves there will be no contact, there is no reason for any & I will begin to move on with my peace of mind & sanity intact.

I agree, time for him to fish or cut bait.

He's had plenty of opportunities to do what is right. Is he nuts? He has a wife willing to do C w/ OC, and he still cannot do what is right. Another cake eater.

Imagine if I told my H, "Hey hubby, I'm having another man's baby, but I want to live with you, oh but sometimes see the om too, cuz afterall he's the bio-dad...I'll see how things go...if you treat me good, maybe I'll be nice and hang around you more...or maybe if you don't wait on me hand and foot, I'll spend more time with om...oh and btw, my mommy and daddy are taking me out for mother's day, they're so proud of me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> "???

There is a reason for deadlines, and I think God has no problem with them. We need to be still, and listen to God though. We need to remember our timeline isn't always His timeline, but still there are timelines in life. Time for every season...He gives us X amount of time to come to Him, granted it's till our last breath, but none of us knows when that is. It is a deadline, nonetheless, (no pun intended).

I believe a WS has a limited amount of time to make up his/her mind, and so also does the BS. Life moves on. One can not be expected to live in the same muck and mire forever.

You've decided what you want. He has not, or shall I say, he has decided...he wants it all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> There comes a time, when it's clear the BS and WS do not want the same things, it is best to move on.

Forgive the ramble...

AD,

Who is rambing more than me today????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's had plenty of opportunities to do what is right. Is he nuts? He has a wife willing to do C w/ OC, and he still cannot do what is right. Another cake eater.

He is most definitely crazy, & he is not a cake eater he is a cake glutton!!! Soon he is gonna explode. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

[/QUOTE] Imagine if I told my H, "Hey hubby, I'm having another man's baby, but I want to live with you, oh but sometimes see the om too, cuz afterall he's the bio-dad...I'll see how things go...if you treat me good, maybe I'll be nice and hang around you more...or maybe if you don't wait on me hand and foot, I'll spend more time with om...oh and btw, my mommy and daddy are taking me out for mother's day, they're so proud of me... "???[QUOTE]

I have said all this to H, he wouldn't stick around for one second if I did this to him, H's dad is dead but his sick mummy makes up for it & she is VERY proud of her wh#*&ish son.

I know God has a time frame too that is most likely not mine but unless HE gives me a new deadline it is 7/14/04. Enough is enough.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know God has a time frame too that is most likely not mine but unless HE gives me a new deadline it is 7/14/04. Enough is enough.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right there with you BG. Wait upon Him, but if there is nothing to stop you, as in the miracle you spoke of...move on. He helps those who help themselves, and that's what you're doing.

<small>[ June 18, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

AD,

You are so right on. I am biding my time, will most likely have one more talk w/ him tonite just to add in some of the spiritual content that I left out last nite, then I am done & watching the clock tick.

I have done all I can do.

hey,

just wanted to send you lots of love today. I know that you have a rough time ahead waiting and I just wanted to let you know that you are strong and can overcome anything so keep your head up. Know that God is with you and so are we.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
JT

<small>[ June 18, 2004, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

Hi Babygirl,

You have given him more chance than most of us would. But then I have given my husband more chance than most women would. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
And all I can say, But I love him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Why do we love these men so much when they stomp all over our hearts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Genia
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do we love these men so much when they stomp all over our hearts. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They only do what we allow them to do, as a friend of mine told me why would he leave he is having his cake & his ice cream too! Why, cuz I allow it!

JT - I know God has my back, thanks for your prayers, I am more concerned for all of you who have children w/ your H's though, being that it is not as easy to walk away. God has already planned an end to all this though, we just have to get thru the middle.

BBG I hope you have a good weekend. You know the fence does get old and does come down w/ time. But you have to help him off. Do you still have your date set? Any progress w/ visitations papers, ect. I know you are wore slap dab out and I'm praying for you. Talk at you tomorrow. Oh how did you like the email about women? That way so funny ! Hope it made you smile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> See ya posting buddy.!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Just checking on you girlie! Hope all is going as well as can be expected! Let us know what is up!

Okay--I see you are back you had better give me an update--I missed you.

Ok you asked for it....

My weekend was really interesting, on Friday I found out that OW's 2 son's father is out of jail has been since March! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So I wondered & also got happy for a split second that H is probably not spending anytime at OW's apt. anymore since she is desparately trying to get back w/ him. This also would explain H’s need to keep working at the daycare since he can see his D Mon. - Fri. there. Of course reality then set in that even if that is the case it doesn't explain why he doesn't spend more time at home w/ me now does it! There is still some sh*# going on w/ him. So I told him I knew about the jailbird being home & how OW wants him back, he wanted to know how I knew & insisted that it had no bearing on his relationship w/ his D. He tried t make a big deal out of me going out, even though I didn't Friday nite, but it really bothers him that I do but he won't admit it. Poor choice to use to try & change the subject. After I got it back on track I once again told him again that I would be putting him out soon.

So Sat. he comes by w/ guess who???? The baby, my step daughter. I was pissed cuz I knew it was a ploy to pacify me. Her appearance proved my point that OW is not only unfit, but that she never wanted this baby is just using her to try & keep H. She was over about 3 hrs. spent most of her time trying to be up under daddy, why wouldn't she, she doesn't know me. Well needless to say I didn't enjoy the visit, I also came away thinking I don't miss this at all, the don't touch this, her saying mine, mine, mine & telling me no, watching her every move, my home is no where near child proof & toddlers need much protection.

On Fathers day I told him that I didn't appreciate him insulting my intelligence by trying to pacify me w/ a visit from the baby. He had this damned if I do & damned if I don't attitude. I told him our problems had to do w/ so much more than the baby coming over, & that was still not on a regular basis. This was before I went to church, he shut down & stopped talking to me so I wrote him a note & told him that since he didn't want to talk to me all I wanted to hear him say was "I'm leaving, here are your keys." also put some snippy stuff in there about OW & his D having a new jail bird step-daddy soon if he didn't try to get her back. Got to church & my Pastor was preaching from Luke 7: 22 & 23 talking about how John asked "if you are not the Christ, shall I look for another?" how John expected Jesus & his faith in God to get him out of prison but it was not to be, bottom line the situation you may find yourself in is a gift from God, he may not change the situation or person(s) involved & you should not give up or give in. God has a reason for your "go thru".

Well of course I was convicted after leaving that note, got home & H was waiting for me, we talked, really talked for over an hr. about the past, present & future. He of course still says he wants US back & the baby would be worked into our lives eventually & that right now he wants me to work on ME, says he never wanted to D or give up on me, that he holds back on honestly & his time cuz of the way I have treated him in the past, controlling, judgemental & disrespectful, I admit I still do these things, but I also told him that he has to understand that my LBing, (disrespectful statements) come from his lack of commitment, honesty & a resolution to this baby visitation schedule & contact w/ OW. I told him I know that it serves no purpose to cut him down, talk about OW & be rude but because of the frustration I feel over this situation, me talking to him the way I do is my only weapon to fight back.

I felt a bit better after our talk, but yesterday he was back to shut down mode & he spent no time w/ me after he got off work. I am kinda of numb right now I guess but I do feel torn, I want so badly to hear clearly from God so that I don’t make a wrong move here & be out of his will. I have done so many things wrong in the way I have handled this situation & I don’t want to make any more mistakes or wrong decisions. It figures as soon as I once again have a deadline in mind, the Lord sends a word to me to chill out & wait. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Sorry for the ramble. I have a sinus infection & I am in bad need of drugs!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WOW!

Everyone was busy while I was off at lunch.

BBYG~I see some possibilities here. Not all bad. Keep your chin up--you are a great women. You give me such inspiration on days I'm down and all I can say is that I many times WS's just can not figure out how to repair the damage--not making excuses just saying men seem so less evolved then us women sometimes.

Albany,

You are too kind, I like to call them "dumb animals" - not all both MOST men.

He did say some things to me that he hasn't before in the last 2 yrs. But he is kinda reminding me of your H now, his actions & words don't match & they have to, or else this won't work.

I am ok though, not feeling overly optimistic but not in "woe is me" mode either. Just trying to let go & let God. H needs a WHOLE lot of prayer, he is defintely struggling w/ his inner man, the enemy has become a really close side kick for him for awhile now & it is not easy for him to let him go.

Hi Babygirl,

I think counseling would benefit you two so much. They have counseling at my church. My husband has agreed to one session. We have a problem with communication. It seems you guys have the same problem. He shuts down because he feels guilty. You shut down because you feel hurt. At least that is the way it is for us. Maybe a counselor could help you two communicate. It sounds like he wants to come back but feels guilty and scared of you judgeing him. Make sense.

Genia,

I know it would help us, right now even if he would go to IC it would help him. He has no true friends so he talks to his Mummy who means US no good. We went to one session together with one of our pastors& he didn't want to go back, only went then cuz he needed to drive my car, so it wasn't for the right reasons to begin with.

Looking back I see where I did a lot of damage to his ego & hurt him in many ways that I just didn't see at the time, not to excuse in anyway what he did, that is where communication comes in & we had the best communication ever while we were separated. Now it is too much like work for him it seems or there is the fear or my reaction to what he says to me, but he has to get over that.

I hope that counseling will work for you guys, it is great that he is willing to go.

Hi Babygirl,

I got to go till tommorrow. Mine is going for the wrong reason too. He wants to prove me wrong. I am gonna keep my mouth shut and hope it goes well. I hope you can figure out how to bring him out of his shell.

<small>[ June 23, 2004, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>