Thanks, Noodle.

That is pretty much what I was thinking this morning when I decided "no more".

I am working on a plan..., I am signing up for a course, and I have several friends coming out of the woodwork asking me to get out with them or to their house. (This can be hard as most of them have families... but it's the life I need to get used to).

The problem was... it's tough to find a friend to hang out with when you get home and 3:30 AM from work and can't sleep. I was on the computer until about 6AM. When I had some sleep I thought about it and said I won't let her control me like that anymore. It is not changing her choices and only hurting me.

I spent the last 2 years with the mindset... "if I do this right, or work on this... then my W will probably love me again and everything will be fine... there is no way that she will walk away from what we have." This time around... I KNOW it is her and not me. There is absolutely nothing more that I can do to coerce, convince, invite, push, or wish her to stay. It is her choices and in God's hands.

I have to think about Plan B as not being a "plan" of action to stop my W from leaving. It is a plan of action to protect myself and allow me to heal and move forward.

I've worn a chain around my neck for most of the last 2 years which says "love is patient". Every time I started to get frustrated... or every time I started to stand up for myself, I would read that chain and figure that I had to sit down and be patient. It would all work out.

I took it off for a couple of days, but I am wearing it again. But now, the message is not that I am patient for my WW. I will be patient with God... and he is patient with us.

My action will be to protect my children and myself. To move forward. And to be receptive in the future for God's will in my life. This might include my WW and it might not. That will be her choice. She is giving up more than she can imagine.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!