I don't think you should be inflexible about the idea of moving out of state, or about the surgery, or any of that. I think those things should be used as carrots in the Plan A effort.

Next time she brings up moving "I've thought about that WW, and I'm not completely opposed to moving. However, I don't see any sense in moving right now. Right now it seems to me that moving would be an attempt to run away from our problems. I think we both know that won't work, we'll simply be moving our problems somewhere else. I'm not comfortable with that. "chorus" What I would like to happen, what I believe can happen, is for us to implement a plan that will restore the love in our marriage, bring us closer together, and give us the tools to build a happy lifelong relationship together. The first step to doing this is for you to end your A and stop contacting OM."end chorus""

Same deal with the surgery: "You know I think you are beautiful the way you are now. I am not completely opposed to you having the surgery, but I feel like I need to understand why. Right now, I am worried that your unfounded poor self image has led you to make several very poor decisions that are destroying our marriage. I am not currently comfortable with our family incurring the expense of your surgery given the tenuous state of our marriage. "insert chorus" "