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#29195 11/10/99 02:45 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 277
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What can I do? My W has confessed to the affair, and i feel ( and could be way off) her guilt has resulted in wanting this divorce. I am not fighting it anymore- we are parting on good terms with no animosity- well, very little. she knows of my anger towards the situation.<BR>look, we were young, had no clue about marriage- made alot of the mistakes that people here did. stopped working on it, control, anger, etc. issues.<BR>what i am asking is what can i do to convince her that WE can heal together- as a family. Our 4 yr. old son and us. together. I 've read alot of the books here and others-i have also given her a copy of lovebusting and invited her to this forum. I even told her my handle. <BR>You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make 'em drink- i am prepared to go on, but always hope and pray for reconciliation.<BR>any suggestions?

#29196 11/10/99 04:57 PM
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covenant,<P>You can NOT make your W stop the affair nor MAKE her come home and want to work on your marriage. She either wants to or not. It sounds like you are still in the early post-discovery phase. All the anger may have driven her to wanting the D.<P>What you CAN do - keep doing Plan A - be nice and try to meet her needs. If she has ambivilence about the D vs. OM, planA will show her your commitment to change and meet her needs. If she doesn't see any of that, why should she ever look back? Remember, this is no guarantee, just giving her something to look at when she considers how "fantastic" the OM is. <P>Like the rest of us, you probably have some things you could work on personally, too. If so, do that now and show your W that you are willing to grow for the better. Agai, this won't guarantee her to come home, but it might sway her your way. And, even if she never comes back, these positive changes for yourself can only benefit you and any other future relationships you might have.<P>I understand how you feel - my H is gone, too. Like you, I read the books and gave to him, etc. You are right - you can't make that horse drink the water - so STOP TRYING! One thing I found out the hard way - the more I have been trying to lure my H back and "fix" our problems, the more obstinate and resistant he became.<P>Be nice and empathetic as you can, work on your own problems and as much as you can, give her the loving and supportive space she needs to sort things out for herself. Trust me, if there were magc words tosay to get your S to see the light and understand logic, we would ALL be using them. <P>Try to have patience, my friend...<P>Roll Me Away [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

#29197 11/10/99 06:43 PM
Joined: May 1999
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Hey Covevant,<P>RMA said it all. You can lead a horse to water, but, you can't make him mix a decent rum and coke.<P>[Quick stupid horse joke]. Horse walks into a bar, Bartender say "Why the long face?" Sorry I'm in another goofy mood today.<P>Sit down and put on your seat belt. It's a long and bumpy ride. All you can do right now is wait. Yes, I know wait [weight] broke the wagon. What other choice do we have. It is certainly most unfair that WE are the ones that have to walk on egg shells and try to meet THEIR needs. Something about blowing goats comes to mind.<P>It all depends on how much of this stuff you can take and if you are really commited to the marriage and your W.<P>]Another dumb joke]. Three guys walk into a bar, the forth one ducks.<P>Sorry trying to inject some uplifting spirits into the board. We seem to be so down lately. Yea, I know I'm failing miserably.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

#29198 11/10/99 08:39 PM
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Medic,<P>Reading your post gave me the first laugh I had today!!<P>THANKS! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Roll Me Away


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