I see you were honest with him. I see he held you and let you cry. I'm not so sure it was a bad thing at all.

Man........I don't either!

But you do need a break. Enjoy your tub! I might have one too as I just checked the mail and got THREE new books I was waiting for. Heaven. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not at all! You just showed the human side of Superwoman. Now you just regroup and continue. Just a bump!


He knows he has hurt you. Just can't do anything else right now. His WS mind is just too screwed up to do anything for you. He hasn't felt the pain of betrayal himself so doesn't have a clue to the depth this hurt is to you.

LilSis:

Your letter from yesterday?

Spilled out from your heart onto your H today.

What did Schoolbus say: If you are thinking about it, you will say it?

And you were thinking about it. You wrote it all down yesterday. From the heart.

And this morning, he decided to kick sand into your face.

And you had had enough.

And what you were thinking? Came out.

All of it. In some way or form.

Do not suppose what might happen from here. Do not speculate. Let WH react to this. Sometimes, it is ALL on the Wayward Spouse to move.

You have a plan. And tommorrow you can decide what part of that plan makes the most sense to implement, going forward from here.

Just like the next day after that you can decide what part of the plan you would like to implement. Based upon the activities of that day.

Did you Plan FU?

Did you destroy Plan A? No.

Maybe it was just time to lay it all out there for THIS MAN to step up. And if he doesn't, then you know.

((( LilSis )))

Not sure if this is the right thing to say, but --

Can someone from here call LilSis on the phone ?

I would do it in a heartbeat right now, unfortunately, I have a house full of guests (small house)

and, not sure if I could give the right advice to her anyway. But would gladly listen to her for as long as she wishes.

Like I said, not sure if this is even proper but I hate for her to be alone right now.


Carnation

LS, I haven't posted to you in ages but I keep up with your thread. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes waywards have to hear the truth. It may not sink in fully but it was the truth. I was afraid you were trying to plan A for too long. Take a short break and re-evaluate. Be good to yourself ok? You and your boys need you. {{LS}}

Lilsis... that was not a plan FU. Not by a long shot. You have just so sonditioned yourself to do this PERFECT plan A that anything that doesn't follow that path exactly you see as failure. It was not.

But IMHO... it IS time for Plan B. If not to everyone else, it is obvious to me that your energy is slipping. You have fought a great fight with Plan A... now... you have to continue that fight... and in all honesty... this is what I think will work. I DO NOT think your H will ever return in response to Plan A. He is not being forced to make a decision and as I said yesterday... selfish people will take "both" when given the option. He needs at this point to believe he is losing his grip on you...his ability to have this go on much longer.

I am so very proud of you for what you have done and WHO you have become.
LG just said EXACTLY what I have been saying the past few days...It's time to lay it all out there for THIS MAN to step up. And if he doesn't ....
It's time Lilsis.

{{{{LILSIS}}}}}

I was thinking this same thing. I know what it's like to feel completely alone when you feel like your world is crashing down. I would call Sis in a heartbeat if she wants me to. I will only be on here for a few more minutes so Sis, if you need a shoulder please let me know.

I think it's all going to be fine. He certainly can't pretend he's "not hurting anyone, LilSis and the kids will be just fine, look how great we're getting along" type thing.

Shh shh, just breathe, someone said that earlier, and I was glad. I'm always praying for you, and so are countless others. No matter what happens you're going to be better than fine. I believe God is working behind the scenes.

Sis, don't worry at all. You did not even come close to Plan F-U. If your side of the conversation did not include the words

b*stard
c*nt
wh*re
d*ckbrain
@ssw*pe
sh*thead
and
m*therf*cker

YOU did not even come close to Plan F-U!

Seriously, all you did was give him an honest look at the pain his choices have caused. And that's a very very good thing for an active WS to see.

I also agree, though, that it's time for Plan B. You have done a great Plan A and you can end it with the honest look he got at what his actions have brought about. If you try to hold out much longer, though, you WILL end up in Plan F-U, and while that actually does have some effectiveness on some WSs I'm not sure it would on yours.

If you want a short and to-the-point Plan B letter, try this one:

Dear WH,
I would love to have a marriage and family with my husband once again.

If my husband comes back, please him have call me and we can talk about doing just that.
Love,
LilSis

Plan "FU" generally involves several smashed houseware items (Pep raises her hand for show-and-tell)

You did not come close to what I did .. I kicked the Christmas tree (fully decorated) until it was on it's side and my legs were entwined with garland and broken glass was everywhere ... then I slapped him across the face got in my car & took off for 3 days, leaving the kids with him ... [color:"red"] now THAT's a Plan F U worth bragging about ! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Garden Variety Wayward Husband...

Which is what you've been trying to tell LS right along.

To accept that her H is gone...even though she thinks she sees glimpses of him.

It makes Plan A easier to bear, correct, Mimi?

~ Marsh

This is the ACCEPTANCE STAGE of grief. I saw you as being in DENIAL and I was afraid that we were enabling your DENIAL. This is the ACCEPTANCE that I have been speaking to you about.

Yes. The H that you once knew is GONE. That's why I don't like that concept of looking for glimpses of the H..IMO, you have a WAYWARD HUSBAND..period..end of story....

But..after healing, a man you can call HUSBAND can return..just like folks can recover after cancer and then chemotherapy..years later they are HEALED..their hair may come back different, they have DIFFERENT view of LIFE..but they have SURVIVED..it's like that with the FWS...

This made it easier for ME..because I NEVER BUILT UP MY HOPES TO EXPECT ANYTHING FROM HIM...

PLAN A was all ABOUT ME..GIVING..GIVING...

Basically, all I got in return during PLAN A was "CRUMBS"..

It really helped when folks here would remind me of that when I would get happy over any little thing..

Because after the GOOD..comes the VERY BAD..just like with Sis' WH...

Now I'm sorry that I didn't tell her yesterday to be prepared for this..this is some of what I wanted to say...

The GOOD NEWS that I can offer you tonight is this, Sis...

My H could be as cold and mean as can be..

Ask Mel, he used to pick the BIGGEST FIGHTS..make up lies on the boys..all kinds of things...

NOW, he is the KINDEST, SWEETEST, LOVING H there is..

He's the TOTAL OPPOSITE of who he was when he was a WH...

I DID NOT SEE GLIMPSES OF THE H I HAVE TODAY WHEN HE WAS A WH....

Like you say, WH looked like H and sometimes acted like him..but it was an ACT, IMO....The OW really had his MIND and his HEART..THEN...That was what I came to ACCEPT..

Sis,

Just after my Plan FU (and Pep and Mulan are right, Plan FU involves words coming out of your mouth that you never knew you knew ... ) we had the same conversation -- what did I do to deserve this, and no answer from him.

It was THE turning point.

My H now says that's when he finally realized how selfish he was being. How wrong. How all of his justifications couldn't really hold water. That (I'm quoting him here) "Yes, it REALLY WAS that simple."

He also says that he tried everything he could think of to make me give up. Every cruel thing he could think to say, he was trying to make me give up. So I imagine that your WH letting you walk away this afternoon was the same thing. One more try to make you give up.


I'd suggest a talk with SH about the next steps before you take them. He'll help you set up a good plan B. And walk you right through the timing, taking into account your energy levels.


You're ok, and you're going to be ok.
You're remarkable and valuable and LOVED (and also a HECK of a fighter!) -- whether your WH ever figures it out or not.

Sis, my plan FU involved throwing my WH's cellphone in the toliet and calling him every name in the book (just one episode, there were many others). At one point (towards the end) he actually screamed at me, "I have never loved you! It was all a lie! Why don't you just let me go?!?" This same man is with me and now often says that during that time he was in "la la land" and really doesn't remember half of the bad things he said and did.

You did nothing wrong tonight. You had a "Come to Jesus" moment with WH... now let's just hope that it sinks in. Pray for angels to visit him while he sleeps.

WOW..my FWH said the EXACT same thing.."I never loved you..blah...blah..blah..begged me: "LET ME GO"..several times...

It's all written down in a script somewhere for them to learn...

GARDEN-VARIETY WAYWARD SPOUSE... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning LS,

I do hope you are feeling better today.

I think you can regroup from this...i am not even sure it was all that off course.....no, it didn't go smoothly but you said some things that will indeed stick in his head when you do go to plan B. Things you needed to say.
he reacted poorly...he went to his mean place... becuse he is TRYING to not care....in some way he wants to be a total [censored] so you will hate him.....that would make his life easier.
He wasn't indifferent, was he? If he was indifferent I'd be much more concerned.

you are way too hard on yourself.

hope you see things in a different light today.
thinking of you.