YES MOMW needs and deserves to know the truth about her life. "Cause her more harm"? How? By knowing why her M is lacking intimacy because of the open sore of betrayal that she feels but does not know about? Because her H put her at risk for STD's? Because her H betrayed her in the worst way by getting his MOW knocked up? As a BS, you KNOW that she knows something is wrong and the gap between her and her H will grow wider over the years until the truth comes out. As a BS do you not think MOMW should be able to decide for herself if she wants to stay M'd to a liar and a cheater? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I wanted to add that all this poster is doing is blameshifting, I don't see her taking responsibility for her actions but I see her pushing all the blame on her H.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

REALLY? Whatever happened to loving your neighbor/brother/sister? Whatever happened to personal responsibility? I also wonder why you are posting this story on the p/c board instead of general. Do you have a desire to hurt the women on this board even further than they already have been hurt? If this is a cautionary tale of how not to become a WW then it belongs on general.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

Since no one knows what two bulls will do when confronting one another (and since the "other bull" was ten years younger) I opted not to tell him his name. I wanted to keep my husband safe from harm's way, and from legal trouble. He did exhaust himself trying to find out, which perhaps was cruel on my part.
[/quote] That was utterly selfish and cruel. I went through the same thing with my FWH and believe me it is cruel beyond belief that you could sit there and after hurting him in the way you did with your betrayal, that YOU could decide WHAT he could know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So you are smarter than Dr. Harley too? Wow! A liar, a cheater and smarter than the man that has saved countless marriages. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I truly hope the rest of this story comes to the point of you telling every detail including your AFFAIR partners name to your poor BH.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

your hostility is ooozing

You had me, I could feel your pain.
Then ya lost me, you cannot control someone else's reaction's, to do so is controlling.

You thought you did the right thing, now only time will tell.

but a serious ?, have you found a day sitter to help you with your children? I think you would benifit with the help.

I don't understand one detail.

Your husband was ignoring you and not involved enough in therapy yet he went to marital counseling with you twice a week? I can't envision a scenario where a husband goes to marital counseling, twice a week, at the most expensive therapist in town and yet his wife thinks he is not engaged in fixing the marriage or involved in the therapy to a satisfactory level.

Additionally, contrary to your hypothesis my wife was VERY forthright about all the details of her affair. There isn't a thing I don't know and my wife has reaped the benefits of being radically honest. A recovered marriage with ever growing intimacy. Your theory presumes your husband is merely your dog (fleas and all) in need of admiration. I propose that if you feed your dog too much junkfood, it MAY really wag it's tail and love you...but in the end all you've got is a dog, with an ever present upset stomach and loads of crap in your grass. A man you respect, love and desire to rebuild a intimate marriage with...deserves the entire truth and then he can do what he wants with that truth. Your dishonest serves neither him nor you.

Lastly, a guess...your graduate degree...in the pysch field???

Mr. Wondering

As Faithful said,
Your tale belongs in general. Your callous attitude toward marriage, your justifications and lying are not going to bring you any assistance from this board. If you want help for a healthy marriage, then throw out your pious, self-rightous attitude, find true remorse which you have shown none of for your spouse, children, and the other man's wife, and don't spout your justifications for the behavior you exhibited to those of us that have suffered from the same type of reckless, cruel behavior.

excuse me while I throw up. What are you writing a book? When my H asked me questions about my A, I gave him the whole truth. Unfortunately MY pain was extended for a great deal of time due to my H be very resistant to giving me the details I NEEDED to heal. YOU as the wayward do not get to decide which details are "important"

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

"And what did I have to show for this marriage? A man who yelled at me for trivialities, complete and total social isolation, three sick children out of five, and a dead baby."

Really? I see a lot of blame shifting here. Your husband didn't choose for you to be PG from the OM. Your husband didn't choose a dead baby either.

I am removing my post with the mutual agreement of my wife.

this is fishbait

Not odd at all. As a matter of fact its so typical we can map a chart to it.


So why didn't you just ditch it all (aka divorce) but BEFORE you cheated.

I'll tell you why, because having and eating cake is so much easier on you.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

So why not add to the perceived insanity by having an adulteress affair.

Oh wait, you did.


Now this is a stretch so bare with me, but do you think maybe just maybe, he was hurting unbelievably over your betrayal of him. I mean, how dare he demonstrate any kind of human emotions for feeling the devistating trauma of being lied to and betrayed by the one person he THOUGHT he could trust. The nerve.