|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
Try not to let your ups and downs be tied to anything he says or does. Hard, I know.
Please believe that you are doing stupendously. You are making progress, and the conflict is killing him. He will take it out on you, but the more he is angry and unpleasant, the more your Plan A is getting to him.
In a strange, backward way, it is a good thing for him to be a jerk right now. It means he's on schedule and following the script.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502 |
Curious how long BSs have been able to continue with Plan A??
I'd like to hear how long you stayed in plan A after WS moved out?
And those of you who's WS didn't move out, how long did plan A go on?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I did Plan A for about 9 months - MUCH too long. I think the Harley's suggest 3 to 6 months for women, more for men, since they have more of a sense of competitiveness.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499 |
when do you count the starting point?? DDay???
sorry about the t/j....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
You start when you started doing a solid Plan A with no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502 |
so i've been doing plan A for about 3 months, very, very minor LB here or there.... just doing a little thinking about how much longer I want to keep up with plan A... I'm going to start studying up on plan B this weekend.
NOT, wouldn't consider that a TJ
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502 |
my wh? no, wasn't expecting him tonight, the kids all ended up with plans so dinner was put off until tomorrow, I can't help but hope that inconvieniances the warthog
I'm having a heck of a time... thinking let him go... and he will come back,
but let him go... and he will forget about us ;-(
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,560
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,560 |
It is always a risk, but it is also a risk to wait too long. You will lose that love for him. Even if it doesn't seem that way now, wait till he comes back and tries to fix things...THAT'S when the anger really comes through (for the BS). SO, you need to make you move while your love is still strong. You are nearing the end of that period, and have done a fantastic Plan A. I would say you really do need to think about it soon, SS.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
During my countdown shortly before Plan B, several people posted on here that Dr H was now recommending shorter Plan A's. 1 1/2-3 months for women, and 3-6 months for men.
Apparently in many cases it was taking too big of a toll on the Love Bank when it went on for longer.
If you've made it to 3 months of Plan A, it's probably time to at least start thinking about Plan B.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499 |
(((Serenity))))
I gave you an assignment....the MENU.....don't think I didn't forget in all my drama over here.......lol
So your talking Plan B??? let's plan it together....
see ya tomorrow hun...
not2fun
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541 |
When I had my counseling with Jennifer I asked about Plan A, and how long I should stay in plan A before I go to plan B. Here's what she said. I asked about a time line for Plan A and how long I should stay in plan A… She said it depends on the individual. Here are the guidelines I should use when deciding if I should go into plan B.
1. You can’t control yourself from Love Busting anymore. 2. You can’t function normally anymore… (You go to work but can’t get anything done, don’t clean house, not taking care of yourself etc...) 3. If what WS is doing is causing BS unbearable pain… (I.E. If WS & BS are “‘dating” on weekends and BS can’t take it anymore)
BH, 46 STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary) D-Day #2 12-26-2007 D-Day #3 5-11-2008 Separated 1-5-2008 STBX filed for divorce March 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 13
Junior Member
|
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 13 |
Can any one please help me with sending a post. I dont know how to make a post. very much appreciate it. thanks Alex
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
Alex,
Just go to the forum that covers the topic you want to post about. Right above all the topics, you'll see a button marked "Post".
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658 |
Can any one please help me with sending a post. I dont know how to make a post. very much appreciate it. thanks Alex OT: do you mean a new one for you? If so click on the section you want to post in. (I suggest general questions II) then at the top just above the actual posts there is a button that says {POST}. Click on that and you will see a small box that you can put subject information and then a larger one that you can post your situation. Then scroll down and there is a continue button. Hit that and preview your post. If you want to change anything scroll down again to fix it and hit continue to view the new changes.
W (me) 44 H 43 Married 19 years DS 17 DS 15 DD 13 DD 8
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
Right above the index for General Questions you will see a button that says "Post".
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,499 |
(((Serenity)))
nice t/j there, huh??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Ok girl, you are in the doghouse, where is your menu???? Hmmm...anyway, good luck tonight, make sure YOU are looking hot....of course, for me I tend to get more reaction out of WS when I am not trying to look hot...(not saying I look bad, just that I wear nice clothes, just not thinking this will be the outfit to knock him on his knees with.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />))....
Oh well, we have another snow day, and more bad weather on the way tday and tnight, so we may end up with another one tomorrow....gotta love the midwest....they never know how to plan for bad weather.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
not2fun
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541 |
So... SS...
Tonight was the night that your WS was supposed to come over for dinner...
We gotsta know....
Did you...
Feed him a cake baked with Salt Peter?
Smear sparkly stinky perfume all over him?
Put a pair of your sexy panties soaked in stinky perfume in his glove box?
Kiss him on the forehead with bright red lipstick before you sent him out the door?
Then follow up by sending a sexy picture of yourself to his phone?
Tell us all…. We gotsta know…
LOL
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
BH, 46 STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary) D-Day #2 12-26-2007 D-Day #3 5-11-2008 Separated 1-5-2008 STBX filed for divorce March 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502 |
I don't know if you are all ready for this. So WH runs kids to dentist appts... here and there... texts saying son and he are going to movie, and then oops change of plans else where, per sons idea... then what time he'd be home. Well girls were ;-) at their friends for the evening and WH was dropping son off at drivers ed and then coming over for dinner with me and the girls. So he thought, I got rid of the girls ;-) So... he walks in and the table is set... enchilladas his favorite! Candles and wine glasses. I was just taking the enchies out of the stove when he walked in. I was wearing my new VS sexy pink pj's and the f-me heals I picked up this summer. Lets just say... enchies got cold!! and then when he left, I called warthog and said "guess what I just did?! Yep that's right I just did your boyfriend in the kitchen and the dining room!!" She just slammed the phone down!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 502 |
Oh shoot it's not April 1st... darn I'm a few weeks early!!
Really though... I didn't make his favorite. I made tacos, he usually loves them. He and son came in just about the time they were done, he flipped on the tv and complained of a belly ache, boo hoo. Then he only ate 1, I figured he was saving room for dinner elsewhere. But I wasn't going to let it get to me! He stuck around for two hours... an hour and a half longer than I thought he would. I doubt as oldest DD pointed out to me that they would eat that late, by the time he did leave ;-) We did a little money talk and that was 'about' it.
So it's been about 2hrs and I text him, knowing he's careful about not reading it around her, like he ignores hers until he goes into the bathroom, or whatever... anyway I said "hope your belly feels better, hope the taco didn't make it worse. Sweet dreams (of me) and then maybe you'll have a story to tell me tomorrow night."
LOL!!! I crack myself up. it's been a half hour with no response, I'm not really expecting one.
|
|
|
0 members (),
462
guests, and
55
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|