mvg I am so sorry to hear this . I am guessing that yesterday did not go so well.
Please don't leave. You do not need to help others. I know that you have not told your children about your H's EA, have you told anyone? I think you could use at least someone to talk to things about even if it is just on a forum.
SC & SL, thank you for your kind words. The reason I said I was leaving is...are you ready????? Think twice it's LONG.
Actually the court hearing (Monday) did go well, protective order stays in place for 2 yrs. SOB SIL's mother admitted on the stand he said he'd kill DD.
Custody hearing was delayed due to overbooking of court docket. We return on Oct. 3. The court did change visitation to unsupervised every other weekend until Oct. 3 because SIL has/in process of fulfilling all social services requirements. DD's attorney presented SIL with an generous reasonable visitation schedule which they declined. SIL wants either full custody or shared (splitting weekdays 3 days with her 4 with him, etc.) His mother is not going to 'push' for custody unless he doesn't get what he wants per Guardian Ad Litem.
Guardian Ad Litem is well......a ditz and EASILY charmed by any man in my observation of her. She came to inspect our home the night before court. She said she would/will? agree to shared custody because she's never seen a father wanting to spend so much time with his children! HELLO??????????? If he's with the kids he's NOT working to support them! Not to even mention the domestic violence under advisement/conviction AND child abuse even if that wasn't prosecuted!!!! SIL has proposed he wants to pickup children when daughter is in school at night and keep the kids overnight each time. He will take off work to pickup or keep children if/when they go to daycare while she is doing clinicals for nursing during the day. WHEN DOES COMMON SENSE COME INTO THE PICTURE? Also he wouldn't have to pay for daycare since it's SCHOOLING not working. Ok, it's fine for her to have the gov't pay food and medical, he can take off work (self employed) to keep the kids AND
she'll be penalized for TRYING to make a better self-sufficent LIFE????? IMO her options are became a FULL welfare mom and keep her kids, or get no assistance. IT DOESN"T MAKE SENSE. There are so many other issues that are just as crazy I won't even go there.
My head is spinning. I feel physically sick. My H has been gone for over 2 weeks. I'm triggering like heck and wasn't so kind the other day on the phone with him. There are alot of crews in LA. They are all VERY tired working 16 hours a day,
NOT doing storm work (UGH), no day off BUT get a bunch of guys together (tired or not) and what do you have???? Drinking and carousing. But of course my H isn't one of them...nah he's behaving like a saint. He's not drinking with the guys like a frat party, he hasn't gone to any T-bars...nah. He isn't looking/finding any redhead with big t's to keep him comfy. Maybe, maybe not?! TRIGGERING BIG TIME!
I feel alone in a crowd. I'm screaming inside myself. I feel like I'm losing any sanity I had left. I feel like I'm having a breakdown and I don't have time for that. I'm taking anxiety meds and AD's. Thank heavens because as much as they aren't strong enough right now if I had nothing I wouldn't be here, ya know?!
I'm also having a VERY hard time with myself spiritually. I (as I'm sure most moms do) promised my kids from day 1 I would lay my life down for them, I would never let anyone hurt them, I would protect them,
I'm struggling with that. I can't keep that promise and it I feel I am letting her down and very selfish. I believe in heaven and he11 and I don't want to go to he11.
I'm falling apart.
So there my friends is a glance at my life and mind. Not a pretty place.
After all that do you think I should stay here? I vent here that's about it.