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Sounds like Chai has hit it right on the mark.

I mean, the more you talk to him, the more defensive, angry, confused and upset you get. If you proper PB these things would not be a concern for you. <O.K. I mean, not a concern for you today, anyhow- but you are so close to delivery- you should take it and rest!

You have lots of time to listen to BS from your WH. RIght now the focus should be on you and leetle one. ;-)


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Thanks guys,

It is funny how doubt can make you question everything and this forum has helped sooo much. I really have felt great up until this point so I get what the purpose of plan b is. And I swear that other than my plan b letter I have made zero attempt at contact with him since Jan. He got to me once because of faulty CID, and this last time I willingly answered the phone. My bad, I slipped, but being an equestrienne most of my life I know I gotta get back up and keep riding.

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Originally Posted By: babyonboard
Barbie,
I totally agree about the stress factor and the ultimate bonding taking place between me and baby girl. As I mentioned I am inclined not to include him and let the courts handle it. But I at the same time I have doubts as to if it is the right thing to do. And as far as being strong enough to handle him being there, I don't know for sure.

The things that keep running through my mind are- he was there when she was created, and what will I be depriving her of if he isn't there when comes into the world.

He said would just wait in the waiting room, but the funny thing is I think that if I knew he were at the hosp I would want him in the room with me.


BOB,

I know exactly how you feel. It's something I thought about repeatedly during the A. It's a very tough decision to make. However, you will NOT be robbing your WH and your child their chance to bond. HE will be. Please don't feel any guilt over that, whatsoever! It's his loss, not yours, not your childs.

Good luck.


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Some thoughts from other imminent delivery room situations with Active Waywards that have been shared here previously.

One found her husband had immediately left the delivery room to call OW - maximum pain. And sadly, your husband seems to be headed that way.

Another just surrendered that process and was bound and determined to use the one edge she had over the OW - his child - and this was the start of their recovery - OW was history after he held his baby girl in his arms having witnessed the labor and been there for his wife. Your husband is a long shot on this behavior but the noises he's making make it possible.

I would suggest having an intermediary at the hospital make him surrender his cell phone and car keys with the understanding that he is not going to bring OW into this FAMILY situation - she is not going to be receiving a call from him at all because the cell phone is not going to be accessible. Warn the nursing staff that a certain drama queen may be in the waiting room and that she is not to disturb this FAMILY situation - she's not welcome and make HIM tell the nursing staff that he supports this - that he will not be receiving ANY calls. If he agrees to this, and considers steps to coming home, then he can be there. Otherwise, he's too much of a risk for added pain.

Understand this: OW is very threatened by this birth. She does not want him there.

So consider whether or not to use this weapon against her.

Last edited by KaylaAndy; 04/20/09 09:31 PM. Reason: further intermediary clarification

Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Originally Posted By: Verve



However, you will NOT be robbing your WH and your child their chance to bond. HE will be. Please don't feel any guilt over that, whatsoever! It's his loss, not yours, not your childs.

Good luck.


You are totally right Verve, I have to let go of the guilt. I did not create this sitch, He did. Thanks for helping me get there!

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Originally Posted By: KaylaAndy

One found her husband had immediately left the delivery room to call OW - maximum pain. And sadly, your husband seems to be headed that way.

Understand this: OW is very threatened by this birth. She does not want him there.

So consider whether or not to use this weapon against her.


OMG I just puke when I read that. This is exactly why I come here for others insight. Truthfully, the thought of him including her in this process at all HAD NOT EVEN crossed my poor little niaeve mind! You have definitely given me something else to consider.


I can tell you all I am not much of a gambler, and letting him be there seems more and more like a gamble.

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Even though I am pretty sure the path I will take, I would still genuinely appreciate some more insight about this sitch. Especially from the men here, I like to understand as much as I can from all pov's.

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Back to Kayla's point, the OW may or may not want to be part of this process. There are those OPs that want the children to be part of one big happy family because they think it helps hold on to their AP.

I still think that I would have him meet my conditions before I let him in the delivery room. He is fence sitting right now, and you don't want him to fall off the other side and try to take the baby with him. JMO....


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Thanks Chai,

I am back in plan b and plan on staying there until my conditions are met. I have no idea if he is still with her, I kind of the got the impression maybe not. But I certainly did not even give him the opportunity to give the info so I can't be for certain. And I refuse to ask about her or any aspect of his life. All I kept saying was you chose to walk away and not be apart of my life so what is happening in it is no longer your business.

The other thing with us all being so far apart, him in Oregon, her in Chicago, me in Detroit, logistically including him in the birth would be difficult. But one of things he said that was that if I called him he would "come running".

The distance thing is very helpful in plan b, I must admit. I don't worry about seeing him or running into them or anything like that. But the down side is that I feel like with the baby being a factor it might have hurt our chances at working things out being so far apart.

I hate doubting everything! it sucks. I so tired of questioning and looking for answers that are nowhere to be found. I honestly used to believe that everything happens for a reason. But to me the obvious thing is that we tried for 7 years to have a child and it finally happened right as his affair started getting heavy- really, am I to believe that was supposed to happen?

I know what talk about the Karma bus here on this forum, but I have to wonder what I did to deserve this. Was I Eva Braun in a previous life? Or one of the Manson women?

Sorry for the rant- not sleeping well, getting to big, swollen like a tick and preggy hormones do not add up to Pollyfreakinanna!

Last edited by babyonboard; 04/22/09 08:26 AM.
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I read your posts and really feel for you. No real advise, but if I were in A2 today, I would go to Blimpie Burger and get a double (I like mine with feta, grilled peppers and onions) and a big side of fried veggies with ranch dressing on the side.

Nothing like a little comfort food....

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Sounds good, especially the fried veggies. But I will have to make sure to take a double dose of Zantac, oy the heartburn:)

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Hello!, BOB

Will be in Ann Arbor this afternoon/eve.

Do you have time for coffee?

TTFN


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

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DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Baby no longer on board!
Rylan Avery Leanora, 6.6 pnds, 19 inches, born 4/25/09 at 4:05 am.

She came fast and furious into this world after only 4 hrs of constant labor. Her cord was wrapped around her neck and she was distress, but I got her out safely without additonal med assistance and she is perfect! I think I am in trouble with this one, already causing drama.

WH was not present, but was notified of her birth.

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TaaaaaDaaaaa! and here I am MA! Good thing you were kinda close to the hospital.

Congratulations!


Me; W 46
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..I am learning and working on myself.
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Congrats on becoming a mommy! It's quite the adventure.....but we have faith you will come throught sparkling....we are here for the good times and bad for venting and announcing......you know where to find us. Now the fun begins with that beautiful baby of yours.

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Yeah! Welcome to the world little one. smile


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
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So sweet! Congrats on your new baby


Live, love, and laugh because the best is yet to come!
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hurray Congratulations!!! You did good!!!


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Congratulations! Blessings on you and your precious baby girl.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hello! BOB (Baby out Board)

I lost your contact infomration.

Would love to come wisit-- and I have a question for you
nancymassoll@- you know
Nancy


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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