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Tell her best to meet over the phone. If she has emails or proof send it to you. Thank her.

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I would listen to what GF has to say, but you have to stay out of protecting your W from her anger.

Let the fall out of her A land on her shoulders. It wouldl be a good way of showing your WW that you have new boundries.

I would try to keep contact with GF at a minimum, do not bloviate about scenarios, "just the facts, maam."

She is another pair of eyes to help keep the A partners seperate, and she is prolly hoping for the same from you.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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WW and I talked most of the weekend...seems to be going well...

Told GF I saw no need for further contact, she just kept saying she had to meet me, didn't offer any real info...just didn't like the sound of it..

OM never showed up (shocking)

Here's a question...as I said earlier, I have a keylogger installed...if there was some contact between my wife and OM by computer, I would know....but how do I tell her I know...?

Everyone says just tell her you know but don't tell her the source....remember my WW adamantly denied the physical affair until I quoted the email to the OM verbatim...

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Originally Posted by jcb
Here's a question...as I said earlier, I have a keylogger installed...if there was some contact between my wife and OM by computer, I would know....but how do I tell her I know...?

Again, you don't NEED her admission. If you find contact, you immediately confront her with it [give her just enough info to convey that you do know] and if she asks for proof, tell her you don't need "proof" to prove what you both already know. Don't allow her to get away with that manipulation tactic, jcb. Don't even ASK her, tell her you know.

If she tries to deny it again, just hold up your hand and say, "no, don't even try ... we are not going there again. Don't make it worse on yourself by lying."

I would stay in PHONE contact with the OM GF if you can. That is IF she has some relevant information to exchange. But I agree you should never meet in person again. She sounds like as big a loser as the OM.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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""She sounds like as big a loser as the OM.""

She gave the OM the boot! She's lonely crybaby dramaqueen

What if it's a set up, to seduce jcb into a tryst and then expose to the WW???

Keep in touch by phone, unless the OM and she did split up. Then there is no reason.

imho

kirk


CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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I kinda think you have to be a loser to fall in love with a loser.

But that's just me.

All blessings,
Jerry

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Stay away from her! It's either a setup - you lose - or else she's determined to have a RA - you lose.

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shine ... well then you are posting on a board of losers... cuz we are ALL here because either we cheated or our spouse cheated.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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update

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jcb Offline OP
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Hi,
Long day at work (still here)...

My WW and I have been spending time together (when I'm not working) lots of texts and phone calls otherwise...

No contact with OM by PC or cell....(as far as I know...?)

Now I just have to deal with the fact that my wife of 17 years, the mother of my children, and my best friend had a months long love affair with some guy, 13 years younger than me she met at work....which is easier said than done.




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jcb, it's not that tough. Just pick up the corner of the rug, grab a broom and sweep it under. wink

Honestly though...it's a whole lot easier to fix it once she actually quits talking with --[or having sex] with the OM. You will have some rough days, but, after awhile of keeping your cool, you will start having good days too.

-hang in there


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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jcb-Have you read Surviving an Affair yet? Check it out from the library if not. And schedule a session with Steve Harley. Good luck!


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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My FWW had an affair with a guy 24 yrs younger than me so I can relate to your feelings. In time, it becomes another event in your marriage. Somehow, you learn to accept it as a game changing event in your marriage, yet by choice, you can still go forward and try and rebuild the marriage.

To this day, I don't know all the facts nor do I completely understand why it all had to happen, but it did anyway. You never see your wife the same way, yet you can still go forward and rebuild.


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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Yeah, my FWH had an A with someone 22 years younger than me. They don't like someone smarter than them, I guess.


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
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Originally Posted by shinethrough
I kinda think you have to be a loser to fall in love with a loser.

But that's just me.

All blessings,
Jerry

This is uncalled for and cruel. Many BSs are fine people who were fooled by their WSs.

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I think you may have taken that the wrong way Z.


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I don't... and you'll see I replied to that idiotic drivel as well. If they meant to say you have to be a loser to cheat on your spouse, I could have accepted that, to some degree... but to lump in a victim with a transgessor, that just seems cruel and unusual.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Hmmm....
I just got back to this and revisiting what I said, I can see how making that statement without clarification of any sort, could easily be construed to mean that i included BS's in that definition.

So let me unequivocally state that was not the intent of my belch!!

Since I am a FBH, that would of course include me, and for the record, I didn't feel that way then or now.

Just goes to show how the tongue can be a double edged sword when that was not you intension. Thus, I apologize to those who may have been rightfully offended by such a quip to mouth.

As far as being a loser, all WS's are losers when intrenched in the fog of their A, as they lose everything of value in their M and usually affair down to a person(OP) who truly is a loser by my definition. Any person who interlopes into a M is a loser in my book.

Hope this clarifies a bit and mea cupas to those I may have offended by not explaining myself a lot better.

All blessings,
Jerry


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You bet. And I had a pretty clear idea of what I thought you meant to say. So, no real worries. All's good.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Ok, ok.
But where is our original poster?


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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