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Gerk, Read your thread. Your a strong brave man.

In regards to dog, there are airline restrictions on traveling in and out of most airports in the summer. This is particulary true with AZ. They often do not allow it at all. Dog has potential to get Valley Fever. You might check this out and use it as a Plan A in caring for wife.

Regards

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I already expressed my concerns about having the dog checked by a vet and whatnot before she flies with him, she said that's no necessary, and she's a smart person, she'll figure out how to get him there.

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Plan A means no expectations, expectations will get you down.

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I managed to send a nice email today with a couple pictures from the past week.

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Hope you will hang in here with us and not give up. You need to stick to the MB plan. It works. You are still in Plan A. Continue to force yourself to send nice emails.

You have done a good job of exposure. Give it time.

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She already got her RFO (Request for Orders) for somewhere other than Fort Polk. So unless she has a drastic change of heart and beg her branch manager to change her assignment, it seems pretty hopeless.

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Not hopeless. It's just time to hope in something else. Hope in those things that you have control over. Your own capabilities to enjoy life, find new friends (the ladies), and HOPEfully someone worth your effort.

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You are still very early in all of this. I know it seems like it has been forever. Been here for years and have seen thousands of turnarounds.

Follow the MB plan. Keep on keeping on. You need to stick with Plan A for a bit longer, and then you can do Plan B. Lots of options left.

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Morning Gurka!

How many days until you head home? Any word from your last e-mail?

I wouldn't worry too much about her RFO... she hasn't even started her OBC yet and a lot can change between now and her graduation.

If you're still willing, I'd give myself a couple of weeks back home at Ft. Polk to settle back into things before you decide on whether to keep going with Plan-A, or to go dark on her.

Once you've settled in, you can re-evaluate where you are, and then decide where to go. Your W can always change her RFO. The bottom line is that the Army will CONSIDER her request, but will base the final decision on the "needs of the Army". She may decided that she WANTS to go to Ft. Polk, and the Army may send her somewhere else...

Semper Fi,

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No, I didn't hear anything back at all. I've been wondering how she's going to take care of the dog while she's in the field for OBC.

An RFO is generated by your branch, and requests that your local S1 generate orders for the job and post that your branch has given you. It's not something that you request, it's something the branch decides. And yes, it could definitely changed if she would enroll in the Married Army Couples program, but I don't see that happening.

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Quote:
And yes, it could definitely changed if she would enroll in the Married Army Couples program, but I don't see that happening.


Given the fact that she still has to complete her OBC, I'd use this time to continue with your plan-A.

You can ask her to change her decision and join the married couples program and come to Ft. Polk a few weeks before she graduates. If she says no after you've plan-A'd her... then you will have to make your final decision then.

I still don't think that your situation is hopeless.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Originally Posted By: Gerkaguards
I said she was up pretty late, (2am her time) and she said, "it's saturday night, I was out with my friends. I'm not #1 in my class here so I'm popular now." ... "I'm not giving you any personal details because when I do you use them against me."


Gerk,

I know you are losing love and patience with plan A. I would only continue to plan A until you get back. I would try to go visit her once if she will allow and just try to make that visit as positive as possible. Then I would immediately go to plan B. Do I think it will work, no, but I think after two months of plan B, you'll be detached enough from her that you will be ready to move on yourself, which is probably the best idea. I don't think she wants to talk to you much or open up because she is still being wayward and doesn't want to hurt you further OR risk the consequences of you exposing again. Based on how she sounds depressed, her previous relationship patterns, and history of infidelity and entitlement, I would bet money that she's going out on the weekends, getting hammered, and then seeking the company of other men to try and make her feel better about herself. She needs constant validation from men, and I bet she has at least a boyfriend or maybe "friend with benefits" and will be more careful not to get caught this time. She thinks now that you don't have her phone records, she can get away with it scott free. That is why she doesn't want to talk to you, fear of getting caught and guilt. That is why she doesn't want you to visit. I bet if you got the records to her new phone, she'd have a phone and text log a mile long to one or more OM.

Either way, your love bank is getting empty and it is not a good idea to half-@ss attempt plan A with an empty love bank. You do a full out plan B, and then go completely dark. Anything other than that is a plan to fail.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Gerka, do you have your Plan B plans in place, yet? Letter written, lawyer contacted about legal details for separation and how to use the law to implement Plan B?

I always think people should make plans for Plan B at the beginning of Plan A. I think I read Dr. Harley saying the same, yesterday...


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: markos
Gerka, do you have your Plan B plans in place, yet? Letter written, lawyer contacted about legal details for separation and how to use the law to implement Plan B?

I always think people should make plans for Plan B at the beginning of Plan A. I think I read Dr. Harley saying the same, yesterday...


Here it is:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.html

Originally Posted By: Dr. Harley
But before you begin plan A, prepare for plan B, which is to completely separate from your husband. You can't simply move out of the bedroom. You must move from the house, or have him move. If you live in a state that supports legal separation, go to the trouble to see an attorney so that all financial and legal arrangements are made in advance.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Gerka, you might want to read that entire series if you haven't already. Most of it doesn't apply directly to your situation, but there's probably a lot of insight and principles that you can apply with some thought:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit2.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit3.html


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Gerka - The thing about MB is that it is almost like being in the military. All the strategic plans are here, and they are used because they give you the best change of recovering your marriage and winning the war.

I promise you that they work better than anything else available. So you just make up your mind to follow them and not second guess or get discouraged.

I hope you will continue your Plan A even if you don't feel like it. You have done everything right so far, so you just need to trust that MB will work for you.

Sometimes it seems like things take forever and there is no progress, but then things change overnight.

Your wife has some huge problems, not even counting the affair. My guess is that she is angry right now, but will get over that. When you get back, you can consult with the Harleys about when to go to Plan B.

And the ice on the cake is that people who stick with the MB plan either recover their marriages, or move on knowing they did their best, with no regrets.

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Evening Gurka - How are you doing?

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Gerka,

I have not posted to you in quite some time. You have been getting such good advice and my H and I are still muddling along, not in a position to advise you. I do follow your thread though.

I know there is high adventure where you are and hope you are doing ok.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Hey Gurka - Just checking in to see how you are doing...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Sorry, been really busy and having internet problems. I sent WW a friendly email this morning. She should be getting the dog from my parents on Monday, though she's spending the whole weekend in Dallas. I'm just assuming she's going to fall in with her friends and her ex (the one she was talking on the phone with) while she's there.

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