There have been no phone calls as I look at phone records constantly. Don't check her email anymore since it was becoming too addictive and causing me more harm than good. The bottom line is if they want to get toghether they will. How can I stop that. I am not going to ask for a divorce since it's not what I want. I think she needs to figure it out on her own and me getting in her way and/or pressuring her is not working. Ultimitaley if she wants to be with someone else then I don't want to be with her.
Then you DO understand that you have just given her a free pass to continue her affair, correct?
You, as a BS, have been given some work to do if you want to heal your M. It stinks, doesn't it. I know. I've been there. I AM there. Your first task is to
help your WW break her addiction. You do this by ensuring that all doors to resumption of the A are closed. Most addicted waywards are not good at closing their own doors, and rely of the love of their spouse to help them do that.
You help her close the door to her addiction by removing access to it. If she were alcoholic, would you leave the liquor cabinet doors open? For that matter, wouldn't you remove the liquor cabinet
entirely?
What you're saying is "Well, I guess if she's going to drink, she's going to drink. Nothing I can do about it. I might as well just leave an open bottle by the sink. She promised she wouldn't drink it."
You have communicated to her the following:
You don't care if the A resumes. You won't divorce her.
You will not help her. She's on her own.
It is too much effort to affair-proof your marriage. So she can go ahead with her affair.
I'm not sure how we can help you in this case.