He became an OM and is living with his AP and her DD.

I AM AFRAID. How did I get myself in this place?

Thank you for your words. I do not want to T/J (???) your thread.

I am interested to hear about your DH as well...so I will follow along. I hope it's okay to ask: Did your DH have affairs during the time you were together? Did you tell your DH about MB (when you were here the 1st time)? ...just wondering if he has been exposed to the concepts and if he knows what he has gotten himself into. Maybe he will (also) get himself out of that situation and you will have a chance to recover???

Thanks, again!

180 - Thanks for your posts. My WW is deep in the fog and I wish there were a way for you to talk to her. I hope you'll stick around and help others.

Welcome back,

I wasn't around either when you were here but glad you are back and willing to help, understanding from a WS's view is interesting and useful for a BS.
You haven't lost everything, you have a new and better you now.......
That is where your new life starts.............
jessi

180 -

No advice, no I did not participate in your discussions... just a wish for your healing. And I would give almost anything to have my WW learn what you have....

Blessings
Me BS 56
She WW 50
Hers 18, 22
Mine 22, 28, 30
Ours DS 12
D-Day 1 - April 26 2009
D-Dapy 2 - October 15 2009
Exposed February 22, 2010
Me: Reforming Verbal Abuser
She: still won't divulge OM # 2 despite overwhelming evidence, but slowly, ever so slowly, she is turning towards me. But it is more of an arrangement than a marriage.
Attending Counseling following MB Principles - maybe there is hope but other days I wonder if this is not a slow lingering death

180,

My soon to be xww sounds exactly like the former you! Her situation is so unique, going to show everybody up, yada yada yada. She truly believes she won't lose anything and her life will be a fairy tale.

Amazing how many of the former waywards come around eventually and admit to their mistakes with remorse and humility just to bad I don't think mine ever will. Way to prideful for that--oh and nothing ever was her fault!!

Best of luck 180-I will continue to follow your thread.

Double Ditto

Mrs. W

I'm not here to talk about my XH and the path that he is currently on. That's something he has to work through on his own, now. I am only here to right my wrongs on MB and to reach out to active waywards.

I will address your questions about us when we were married. Yes, we both had affairs (I was the first violator). I came here looking for sympathy because of "what a miserable person" he was to me and how the OM treated me so much better. I'm not sure how much research it would take to look up those old threads, but if you're interested my username was "muted sparkle" and my XH's was "spartan". We had a phone counsel with MB which would have helped tremendously if we had both been ready. We were just going through the motions without any E-motion. Another example of how costly affairs are. Not how the "can be" but how they ARE. We had to file for BK as well.

All 3 of you (along with Melodylane)weighed heavy on my mind for a very long time. Words fail to express my remorse as well as my gratitude for what you tried to do. I hope that in time, you will be able to accept my heartfelt apology. It took a lot of courage to come back and face what I did here.

Welcome back, 180.

Your insights and reflections will certainly add value to the discussions here.

I'll get back to you on that. You need to fully understand the consequences others experienced due to your forum actions. I will be honest. Count on it.

Meanwhile, I have a favor to ask.
Could you please add something relevant to .....

*** This thread for LURKING waywards ***

I'd appreciate it.
Thanks.

I fully expect what will be coming to me.

Yes, give me some time to put my thoughts together and I will add to that thread. I won't do a copy and paste, I want it to come from me. Thank you for the invitation.

Under the circumstances, you might want to consider dialing back on the self praise.

Proverbs 27:2

Be mindful.

John 12:43

I wonder about your reluctance to talk about that. I wonder if it means there might be some things there that you do need to talk about.

Well done.

Before you venture into becoming a MB "sage", one question.

Have you registered on MB forums under names other than MutedSparkle and 180?

This is actually very important. For you.

Yes I did. It was "better now" or something close to that. I wanted help for dealing with my XH's situation. I knew your advice would be solid but wasn't ready to face all of you. I discontinued using that account because I knew it was foolish to even go there. So I'm here......no lies to tell and no filtered truths.

MS/180,

Pepperband and markos have pointed out a few things that make me wary of you. I don't mean that as an insult, just that it gives me a bad feeling if you're not careful.

I think I've recounted this somewhere else on the boards, but early in my own recovery, (probably just a few months after joining MB, so a handful of months past D-day), I was pretty certain of my own trial by fire and all I learned and my ability to judge others' situations and teach them accordingly. My BH pointed out to me that perhaps I should continue to focus on my marriage and my own recovery.

And I did. And I am so glad that I did. When I look back now, I can see how if I had ceased my own development and recovery, if I had written it off as done and jumped ahead to helping others, I wouldn't have learned nearly enough of the lessons that I needed (and still need) to learn.

If I had continued being so sure of my goodness and rightness, I would have missed out on the lessons of humility and perspective, (to name but a few). (Looking back, I also think vanity - because that's what it was - is a highway to all sorts of transgressions, especially infidelity - I know it was in my situation.)

Yes, you have acknowledged that you are still working on yourself. That is great, and I strongly advise you continue to do that. Hopefully you will reach a point where you don't feel the need to point out your sincerity, or how much it took for you to come back here, (e.g.), etc.

I'm glad you came back. Keep reading, keep posting. I don't know of a single poster who MB hasn't helped, regardless of their situation.

Wow, im impressed to hear such remorse and honesty out a former wayward of not that long ago. Good luck 180.