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He became an OM and is living with his AP and her DD. frown

180 #2536639 08/19/11 05:59 AM
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Originally Posted By: 180
Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1


Well, what do you know...DH friend sent me a random text yesterday out of the blue (some song lyrics) and I answered. D*** it! He *never* sends me texts. What is he trying to pull? And why...ugh...didn't. I. Ignore. Him. Oh, I know why...I need an exorcism.




I used that same technique after MANY brief attempts at NC with my OM. It's called a "hook" and it was done to me as well by my OM. You need to show the text to your husband and then immediately change your number. Blocking his number won't work because any savvy OM will just call you from a different number. If you are resistant to changing your number, then you aren't ready to stop the affair. The longer you let this go on, the worse it is going to get until it swallows you whole and spits you out like you never mattered. You risk losing everything that matters to you. And when I say that, I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!! I sure did. This is definitely a situation that should send a chill of fear straight to your soul.


I AM AFRAID. How did I get myself in this place?

Thank you for your words. I do not want to T/J (???) your thread.

I am interested to hear about your DH as well...so I will follow along. I hope it's okay to ask: Did your DH have affairs during the time you were together? Did you tell your DH about MB (when you were here the 1st time)? ...just wondering if he has been exposed to the concepts and if he knows what he has gotten himself into. Maybe he will (also) get himself out of that situation and you will have a chance to recover???

Thanks, again!

Last edited by heartfelt_1; 08/19/11 06:00 AM. Reason: typo

Me: WW
DH: BS
EA: 04/18/09 til
DDay: 06/30/10
NC letter: 09/13/11 (against DH's will)
2 lovely happy children

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180 - Thanks for your posts. My WW is deep in the fog and I wish there were a way for you to talk to her. I hope you'll stick around and help others.


BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
AndyM #2536645 08/19/11 07:22 AM
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Welcome back,

I wasn't around either when you were here but glad you are back and willing to help, understanding from a WS's view is interesting and useful for a BS.
You haven't lost everything, you have a new and better you now.......
That is where your new life starts.............
jessi


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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180 -

No advice, no I did not participate in your discussions... just a wish for your healing. And I would give almost anything to have my WW learn what you have....

Blessings
Me BS 56
She WW 50
Hers 18, 22
Mine 22, 28, 30
Ours DS 12
D-Day 1 - April 26 2009
D-Dapy 2 - October 15 2009
Exposed February 22, 2010
Me: Reforming Verbal Abuser
She: still won't divulge OM # 2 despite overwhelming evidence, but slowly, ever so slowly, she is turning towards me. But it is more of an arrangement than a marriage.
Attending Counseling following MB Principles - maybe there is hope but other days I wonder if this is not a slow lingering death

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180,

My soon to be xww sounds exactly like the former you! Her situation is so unique, going to show everybody up, yada yada yada. She truly believes she won't lose anything and her life will be a fairy tale.

Amazing how many of the former waywards come around eventually and admit to their mistakes with remorse and humility just to bad I don't think mine ever will. Way to prideful for that--oh and nothing ever was her fault!!

Best of luck 180-I will continue to follow your thread.


Me-BH-39
WW-34 (Strugglingaz)
Married 7-dated 3 previous
D-10
D-6
1st D-day-2-26-11 2nd D-day-5-17-11
NC-3-9-11---Broke 4-2-11, 4-8-11-,5-16-11 Maybe more
BH-Filed for D-5-17-2011
Divorced 2-21-2012
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Originally Posted By: faithful follower
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Well, I'll be darned.
ditto


Double Ditto

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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180 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1
[I am interested to hear about your DH as well...so I will follow along. I hope it's okay to ask: Did your DH have affairs during the time you were together? Did you tell your DH about MB (when you were here the 1st time)? ...just wondering if he has been exposed to the concepts and if he knows what he has gotten himself into. Maybe he will (also) get himself out of that situation and you will have a chance to recover???



I'm not here to talk about my XH and the path that he is currently on. That's something he has to work through on his own, now. I am only here to right my wrongs on MB and to reach out to active waywards.

I will address your questions about us when we were married. Yes, we both had affairs (I was the first violator). I came here looking for sympathy because of "what a miserable person" he was to me and how the OM treated me so much better. I'm not sure how much research it would take to look up those old threads, but if you're interested my username was "muted sparkle" and my XH's was "spartan". We had a phone counsel with MB which would have helped tremendously if we had both been ready. We were just going through the motions without any E-motion. Another example of how costly affairs are. Not how the "can be" but how they ARE. We had to file for BK as well.

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180 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: MrsWondering
Originally Posted By: faithful follower
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Well, I'll be darned.
ditto


Double Ditto

Mrs. W


All 3 of you (along with Melodylane)weighed heavy on my mind for a very long time. Words fail to express my remorse as well as my gratitude for what you tried to do. I hope that in time, you will be able to accept my heartfelt apology. It took a lot of courage to come back and face what I did here.

180 #2536681 08/19/11 09:43 AM
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Welcome back, 180.

Your insights and reflections will certainly add value to the discussions here.

180 #2536692 08/19/11 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted By: 180

I hope that in time, you will be able to accept my heartfelt apology. It took a lot of courage to come back and face what I did here.


I'll get back to you on that. You need to fully understand the consequences others experienced due to your forum actions. I will be honest. Count on it.

Meanwhile, I have a favor to ask. smile
Could you please add something relevant to .....

*** This thread for LURKING waywards ***

I'd appreciate it.
Thanks.

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180 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: 180

I hope that in time, you will be able to accept my heartfelt apology. It took a lot of courage to come back and face what I did here.


I'll get back to you on that. You need to fully understand the consequences others experienced due to your forum actions. I will be honest. Count on it.

Meanwhile, I have a favor to ask. smile
Could you please add something relevant to .....

*** This thread for LURKING waywards ***

I'd appreciate it.
Thanks.


I fully expect what will be coming to me.

Yes, give me some time to put my thoughts together and I will add to that thread. I won't do a copy and paste, I want it to come from me. Thank you for the invitation.

180 #2536702 08/19/11 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted By: 180

It took a lot of courage to come back and face what I did here.


Under the circumstances, you might want to consider dialing back on the self praise.

Proverbs 27:2

Last edited by Pepperband; 08/19/11 11:58 AM. Reason: Bible reference
180 #2536709 08/19/11 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted By: 180


Thank you both, for recognizing my honest sincerity


Be mindful.

John 12:43

180 #2536711 08/19/11 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: 180
I'm not here to talk about my XH and the path that he is currently on. That's something he has to work through on his own, now.


I wonder about your reluctance to talk about that. I wonder if it means there might be some things there that you do need to talk about.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
180 #2536712 08/19/11 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: 180


Yes, give me some time to put my thoughts together and I will add to that thread.


Well done.

180 #2536720 08/19/11 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted By: 180


it's my hope that I can be instrumental in offering sage advice to active waywards to safe their own marriage.



Before you venture into becoming a MB "sage", one question.

Have you registered on MB forums under names other than MutedSparkle and 180?

This is actually very important. For you.

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180 Offline OP
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Yes I did. It was "better now" or something close to that. I wanted help for dealing with my XH's situation. I knew your advice would be solid but wasn't ready to face all of you. I discontinued using that account because I knew it was foolish to even go there. So I'm here......no lies to tell and no filtered truths.

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MS/180,

Pepperband and markos have pointed out a few things that make me wary of you. I don't mean that as an insult, just that it gives me a bad feeling if you're not careful.

I think I've recounted this somewhere else on the boards, but early in my own recovery, (probably just a few months after joining MB, so a handful of months past D-day), I was pretty certain of my own trial by fire and all I learned and my ability to judge others' situations and teach them accordingly. My BH pointed out to me that perhaps I should continue to focus on my marriage and my own recovery.

And I did. And I am so glad that I did. When I look back now, I can see how if I had ceased my own development and recovery, if I had written it off as done and jumped ahead to helping others, I wouldn't have learned nearly enough of the lessons that I needed (and still need) to learn.

If I had continued being so sure of my goodness and rightness, I would have missed out on the lessons of humility and perspective, (to name but a few). (Looking back, I also think vanity - because that's what it was - is a highway to all sorts of transgressions, especially infidelity - I know it was in my situation.)

Yes, you have acknowledged that you are still working on yourself. That is great, and I strongly advise you continue to do that. Hopefully you will reach a point where you don't feel the need to point out your sincerity, or how much it took for you to come back here, (e.g.), etc.

I'm glad you came back. Keep reading, keep posting. I don't know of a single poster who MB hasn't helped, regardless of their situation.


Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
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Wow, im impressed to hear such remorse and honesty out a former wayward of not that long ago. Good luck 180.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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