Well guys. I appreciate the advice. but I think I have come to a the decision that I can't stay with her. I thought I could overlook it, but I pick up the kids tonight and she is out and the only thing I can think about is what is she doing.
I'm not going to live like this. Tomorrow I am going to call he and tell her that we need to file for divorce. I'm done. Ican't do it. Every time I see her I just think about I much I love her and want to be with her but she has absolutely no respect for me.
Araris. This is what we call the rollercoaster. One day up, next day down.
You are still very close to D Day and you need to make decisions based on logic, not emotion, ok?
You say you still love her. That is not surprising. What we dont want to see is you missing her in a few days time and her weasling her way in without you being firm about the MB Plans she has to adhere to.
SO many posters on here have gone straight to Plan FU - then a few months later they felt they didnt try hard enough and then they completely caved in to their WS and got into a false recovery.
Dont make any permanent decisions this soon. Stick to the logical procession of the plans. Tick off each stage. Dont think about right now, just think about the bigger picture.
The MB Plans are for YOU and your healing. They are not for your WW. They are to give YOU options. In x months time your feelings will settle and you will know what you want. You want to have as many options as possible when that time comes.
the plans will
1) Put you in a position where you have either a repentant waywaward or you are in a position to heal and divorce without any regrets.
2)Knowledge that you did everything you could for the marriage so you have no regrets if it needs to end.
A divorce can be filed for later. When you arent reeling so much. When your love bank has lessened and it wont hurt as much. There is no hurry.
I thought I could overlook it,
Why would you overlook her affair? That would send a very uncaring message. Demand she end it and insist she work on recovery.
I'm not going to live like this.
Of course not. Tell her so. The aim is to kill the affair. Thats your plan.
she is out and the only thing I can think about is what is she doing.
Tell her if she continues her affair she can expect a nasty divorce and you wont be friends afterwards. Tell her you love her and she can choose the marriage if she ends her A and starts behaving like a wife. Put a GPS on her phone/car so you can tail her. Next time show up wherever she has gone and tell the guy to leave her alone. Dont tell her about the GPS.
Give her a 'free trial' of a husband who stands up for the marriage and who loves her. Let that be the last thing she sees before you cut her off in Plan B.
Right now she is spinning the fiction that you dont care. I dont think you are ok with that.