Sweetie, you've done the very best thing you could possibly do.
You posted the ugly truth with courageous honesty.
This is a step of your own redemption!
You can only warn her.
And if that fails, wait for the bodies to surface after she ignores your warning.

But, you are brave now.

See how it goes?

Thank you.

NewCreation2012, please check your email.

x2.

Your children have been through the trauma of D and losing their family.

If you know that the stats are against you regarding an affairage...
If you are having feelings for another man other than your fiance and doubts about this relationship...

WHY would you DARE to consider dragging your children into another mess?

Really? Do you not understand at all how painful divorce is for children and how much they need security and stability?

No, of course not. It's all about me, me and more me.

Here's an idea...

Stay single and focus on your children until you get yourself straightened out.

Checked and responded.

Thank you, NewCreation2012!

A series of stressful circumstances made you become a liar, sneak, and a cheat?

Your fiancee is the person who was ok with you being a liar, sneak and a cheat... and helped you to rip your family apart.

I think you already know what the right thing to do would be.

The question is whether you have the character to make the right choice and turn your life around.

I think the odds are about 50/50 she will have the character.

This sounds a lot like this story here

The advice is the same.

T/J new Creation I just wanted to tell you how much of an impact your first post had.. I have shared it with a few ppl I know. I am SO glad you posted what you did .. it paints the picture PERFECTLY! You are a VERY strong woman .. and for that I commend you for your efforts. I wish and pray for you to find happiness.

May god give you peace and joy in your life.
/end T/J

MNG

To the OP - PLEASE .. Listen to the good people here. YOu will regret this for the rest of your life if you marry your AP. At the very least ... hold off for a while longer. But you KNOW the righ thing to do is end it with your soon to be husband .. make peace within yourself and rekindle your original marriage after you have healed and tended to everyones wounds .. including your own.

GOD would Bless your original marriage. I even think there is a passage that tells of this but it evades me right now. If i Find it I will post it.

MNG

It is the same person. I knew her post rang a bell. She DID post before and deleted her post when she didn't like the advice.

Reposting, now that the original thread has been found:



I can think of two great reasons to go look for it:

1) it'll help you practice honesty. A lot of liars make themselves forget things so that they can later "honestly" say they don't know. Go make yourself remember.

2) you probably reacted negatively to the advice you received. You probably did not like the negative things you felt and you quickly closed the window and walked off and tried to forget everything. In short, you ran away. If you want to make any improvement in life, you are going to have to stop running away from things you do not want to hear. If you will repeatedly expose yourself to those messages, you will eventually become desensitized: your negative emotional reaction will subside, and you can think logically about what you are seeing and get the value out of what was posted to you. Practice now: go expose yourself to whatever was said to you last time. Go read it, even though you don't want to. Burying your head in the sand and running away from your problems will get you nowhere in life.

Do your kids know this BF is really the OM that you cheated with while married to their dad/BH?

FM,

I will be leaving work in an hour or so and temporarily do not have internet access at home. I was really hoping you would talk to me.

I will be praying for you to make a good decision this weekend and if you don't check back in before I leave today I will check in on this thread on Monday.

I have not posted here in a year FM and it is a big deal for me to do it now. Your situation is that serious.

If you do not plan to respond again and are just lurking reading the rest of the responses then please hear this...

There is no amount of discomfort that you could possibly experience by cancelling this wedding and ending this ill-gotten relationship that will compare to what you are headed for if you don't.

You are ALREADY in conflict. It will only get worse. You came here because deep inside you know you are on the wrong path. Listen to that voice no matter how small it is!

Doing what is right is rarely easy but it is ALWAYS worth it.

NC12

Marry your affair partner?
It can work, my cheating wifes grandparents were from an affair. they stayed married for more than 50 years (although they continued to have affairs, according to their son).

It depends on what type of marriage you want; if you want a marriage with affairs, marry the sorry sack of s**t.

If you want a loving, HEALTHY marriage (yes, affairs are unhealthy), then learn how to love using MB concepts.

MB Forum talks about "wayward fog," it sounds like you still have a fog around you. What a waste of your life, after all this time, to still be involved with this POS.

Hopefully your kids will have a better life than what you are teaching them to live

So, pre-MB, you had a 'typical' marriage, with ups and downs and some stress. You can't blame that for your affair - you also had the option of discussing your issues with your husband. You chose not to do so because some guy was flirting with you and you allowed him to distract you from your priority.

Here's the good news: your ex is interested in recovering your marriage. My suggestion to you would be to end the relationship with your affair partner and try to work toward reconciliation with your ex. He is being hesitant, and who can blame him? Don't make decisions because you think you've 'gone too far' or because you think your security is more assured with OM. If you are having doubts about divorcing your ex, STOP what you're doing and re-evaluate. You still have time.

To all that have responded, esp newcreation and pepper...

I'm not ignoring you or running away (again). I have read everything and you'll be happy to know you've begun to get thru to me. I am amazed the impact that strangers can have, but this is exactly the type of honesty and insight I was looking for. It's a little hard to take in all at once and it has brought me to tears more than once this afternoon. I even went to a local church and took a minute to kneel and pray for help, guidance, and forgiveness. Very emotional and difficult.

I will be having a more honest conversation with OM tonight. I am scared beyond belief but there is also an underlying calm with that decision. I'm trying not to think too far ahead and just stick with what needs to happen next. Any further than that and I get sick and scared.

Thank you all so much for attempting to help someone like me. I sincerely mean that. I promise to read and re-read all the advice here. I also promise to respond to your questions and update you on my progress and thoughts. Right now I have some processing to do, but I will be back. Hopefully tomorrow.

This response worries me. This sort of post typically indicates that the poster (you) doesn't like what they're hearing, but still wants to be polite. Please prove me wrong.

I just wanted to say that reading your words brought tears to my eyes. Partly due to wishing my wxw would have similar thoughts. The other part is the proof that God does work and he seems to be working on you.

Deep down i believe you not only know what you should do but what you must do. I dont remember reading about kids, but if you have them, you know whats best for them. Even if you dont, reconciling with your husband is what God want. Paul, in I Corinthians 7:11, said if a woman leaves her husband, she is to remain single or be reconciled with her husband.

Its obvious, by your words that there's something eating away at you. Its obvious by your repeated appearances that it wont let you find peace. That peace will only come when you follow God.

I will keep you in my prayers.