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Joined: Mar 2003
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It isn't easy to get rid of the persistent thoughts and visions of the A/what they did. One thing that helped me was whenever a thought entered my mind...I tried to stop/freeze frame and stare it down (in my mind) until it inevitably would dissipate. The more that is practiced that easier and the better it works. Try it. Otherwise...time...a lot of time. It can take a long time to heal from the pain caused by a spouse's A.

Get your precautions in place. Use the MB program for recovery and to hopefully prevent future A's. Recovery doesn't happen overnight. It is usually an emotional roller coaster.

I wish you well.


Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
Joined: Mar 2011
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How is it going Qwer?


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
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Posts: 45
It's just been a hard 2-3 weeks. It seems like a never ending roller coaster ride.

There are days where we would be happy and enjoying each other's company behaving normally as though nothing has ever happened. But there will be times where WW will be all quiet and difficult to talk to.

On my side, I am still being extremely paranoia and still find it difficult to let go of the persistent thoughts. It's just affecting me so much it hurts real bad. Sometimes I really wonder if we can really recover from this trauma and how can we ever have a normal relationship again without trust.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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Have you seen your doctor for ADs?

Have you read this?
How Can Trust Be Restored After An Affair?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Posts: 45
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Posts: 45
Pardon me, what is ADs?


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
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Originally Posted by Qwer
Pardon me, what is ADs?
Anti-depressants


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
I have not seen the doctor yet. I keep putting it off although in the back of my mind I do really think that I may be having depression.

Thanks for the timely reminder. I should go see my doctor.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,344
Likes: 3
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Originally Posted by Qwer
I have not seen the doctor yet. I keep putting it off although in the back of my mind I do really think that I may be having depression.

Thanks for the timely reminder. I should go see my doctor.

Good. Here's what Dr. H says.
Originally Posted by Dr. Harley
Since plan B (and plan A, for that matter), is extremely stressful for the betrayed spouse, I usually recommend that he or she ask a physician to prescribe anti-depressant medication to be taken throughout the crisis. This not only greatly reduces the suffering of the betrayed spouse, but it also helps keep a clear head at a time when patience and wise decisions are crucial. Anti-depressant medication does not numb the betrayed spouse to the crisis, it actually helps raise him or her above emotional reactions that would otherwise prevent clear-headed thinking. Why suffer and and make poor choices when anti-depressant medication can help ease your pain and improve your concentration in this time of unprecedented crisis?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted by Qwer
It's just been a hard 2-3 weeks. It seems like a never ending roller coaster ride.

There are days where we would be happy and enjoying each other's company behaving normally as though nothing has ever happened. But there will be times where WW will be all quiet and difficult to talk to.

On my side, I am still being extremely paranoia and still find it difficult to let go of the persistent thoughts. It's just affecting me so much it hurts real bad. Sometimes I really wonder if we can really recover from this trauma and how can we ever have a normal relationship again without trust.
What are the two of you doing to repair this? How much UA time are you spending together? Are you familiar with UA time? Read more here.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by Qwer
Sometimes I really wonder if we can really recover from this trauma and how can we ever have a normal relationship again without trust.

Qwer. This is most likely the hardest thing you will ever go through. I too used to wonder myself if I could do it. I honestly was not sure that I could...then I found MB and learned what was needed to rebuild the romantic love, affair proof the marriage going forward, and once again have my family back! It is not easy but is well worth it.

Have you been spending at least 20 hrs per week in UA time? Undivided attention.

Are you meeting each others ENs?

Have you eliminated love busters?

Keep snooping...this will help to build your trust to see WW actually doing what she says.

Once you have all the information you need about the affair, you should never bring it up again. Get that POSOM out of her head. Your WW also needs to see that she will not be punished for the rest of life and indeed has the opportunity to redeem herself.

I would recommend the online coaching but do not know if the language barrier might be a problem. You could write and ask for advice on that. Click on the coaching center link at the top.

Hang in there Qwer. smile


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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