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Originally Posted By: Trueform


You see, I was not going to give my body to this man without some proof of his real commitment to me.


What type of commitment were you planning on offering OM? Were you going to blindside your dear BH and leave him?


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Originally Posted By: pokerface
Originally Posted By: Trueform


You see, I was not going to give my body to this man without some proof of his real commitment to me.


What type of commitment were you planning on offering OM? Were you going to blindside your dear BH and leave him?


Yes, I was going to blind side my dear husband and marry this cheater.


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Originally Posted By: Trueform
Originally Posted By: pokerface
Originally Posted By: Trueform


You see, I was not going to give my body to this man without some proof of his real commitment to me.


What type of commitment were you planning on offering OM? Were you going to blindside your dear BH and leave him?


Yes, I was going to blind side my dear husband and marry this cheater.

And he's still gonna get blind sided......

right?

You are still making mistakes that you can't even fathom the level of destruction they will cause. You think you are protecting him by keeping the rest of the story from him, but you're only hurting him and your chances at recovery more.

We all know the whole truth isn't out there. We all know it.

One phrase keeps popping into my head: Death by a thousand cuts.

This is what you are doing to your BH. By revealing a little here, a little there, and then even a little more you are resetting his clock (and DDay) each and every time. Trickle truth is a true death knell to recovery from adultery. You are screwing the living hell out of yourself, and if you don't get your freakin' full blown confessional gameface on, there's not going to be anything left to save.

Ya' hearin' me???

I hope so, because you are blowing it!


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted By: JessicaClaire
Originally Posted By: Trueform
I went into the Om bedroom of the hotel room with the prospects of having sex after dinner.


You lied every time I asked about your physical contact with OM, offering false denials and insisting that you were not glossing over what happened in the hotel room. Why are you now pretending to be completely transparent and remorseful when you are still withholding that information?


My intentions were go with how I felt.

While Om was in the bathroom I walked into the bedroom and stood by the window the Om came out of the bathroom and stood next to me. I asked him when he was leaving in the morning? The Om said early the airport is close. There was silent pause. Then I turned to him and said I have to call home and get going. We walked out of the bedroom. He called about the parking validation. We walked out of the suite.




Last edited by Trueform; 01/21/13 09:47 PM.

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**edit**

Last edited by Fireproof; 01/21/13 10:20 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful
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Originally Posted By: Trueform
While Om was in the bathroom I walked into the bedroom and stood by the window the Om came out of the bathroom and stood next to me. I asked him when he was leaving in the morning? The Om said early the airport is close. There was silent pause. Then I turned to him and said I have to call home and get going. We walked out of the bedroom. He called about the parking validation. We walked out of the suite.

You already told us that OM called for the parking validation when you were in the bathroom.

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I want to caution posters about being disrespectful and hostile. I see many posts on this thread that are clearly hostile and it needs to stop now! Help this poster find solutions to her problems without being hostile and disrespectful.

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Originally Posted By: JessicaClaire
Originally Posted By: Trueform
While Om was in the bathroom I walked into the bedroom and stood by the window the Om came out of the bathroom and stood next to me. I asked him when he was leaving in the morning? The Om said early the airport is close. There was silent pause. Then I turned to him and said I have to call home and get going. We walked out of the bedroom. He called about the parking validation. We walked out of the suite.

You already told us that OM called for the parking validation when you were in the bathroom.


You are correct, that is because I never told my Bh that I was in the bedroom until yesterday.

Last edited by Trueform; 01/21/13 11:40 PM.

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TF,

If you had ANY empathy for the pain caused by trickle truth, you would not continue to inflict this huge pain on your husband and partner of so many years.

Tell ALL of it now.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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trueform, if you had sex, any kind of sex, with OM, just come out with it. you do no one, least of all yourself, any favours when you dance around the obvious. i tend to be a benefit of the doubt kinda person, and even i don't believe that you met OM in a hotel room and didn't do something.

by trickle truthing your H, you are pounding the nails into the coffin of your M. is that what you want? because that's what you're doing.

if you're going to be here, then woman up and start walking the walk. either you are going to start tolling the death knell of your husband and your M, or you are going to put on your big girl pants and start working.

now, are you gonna MB, or are you gonna throw it all away? my vote is MB - you are lucky enough to have a M to save. let's get on it already.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
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Adultery is not an unforgivable sin, Trueform. If God can forgive you, you can forgive yourself. You don't need to carry the burden of this secret around for the rest of your life. You can tell your husband everything and then provide him with what Dr. Harley terms "just compensation." If you need courage, remember Phillipians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

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Adultery is not an unforgivable sin, Trueform. If God can forgive you, you can forgive yourself.

Trueform, while it would be of great comfort to know that one's standing with the Big Guy is positive, the primary business of the site is to do what can be done to restore your acceptability to your BH. So pray all you want, go to confession, and make your peace with (big H) Him, but meanwhile you have a lot of other tasks to accomplish to satisfy (little h) him.

#1) THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SERVE YOU NOW IS TRUTH. BH is going to need the full story of what happened, going back however far it takes. You would be well advised, I think, to start typing it up, and editing to ensure there is no "candy coating" in your construction. If "kissing" is typed, you'd better be sure "tongue kissing" or "making out" were not more accurate. "Groping" must not be portrayed as "hugging".

#2) You will have to learn great humility and forbearance, friend. You've already seen some posters' anger through their postings, and the Moderators will do what they can to prevent abuse. However, the history of your dishonest approach to this board, which is here for your aid, will not work in your favor. When you feel that notes are unhelpful, maybe even hurtful, do not strike back, merely thank the poster for his opinion and move on. Look for the contributions from long time colleagues here, and understand that their only goals are to help you and LftS through the chaos and destruction you have caused.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted By: Trueform
Originally Posted By: JessicaClaire
Originally Posted By: Trueform
While Om was in the bathroom I walked into the bedroom and stood by the window the Om came out of the bathroom and stood next to me. I asked him when he was leaving in the morning? The Om said early the airport is close. There was silent pause. Then I turned to him and said I have to call home and get going. We walked out of the bedroom. He called about the parking validation. We walked out of the suite.

You already told us that OM called for the parking validation when you were in the bathroom.


You are correct, that is because I never told my Bh that I was in the bedroom until yesterday.


This is the problem you have said so many lies you can't remember them so that you can admit to them for your BH

Trickle truth must end today.

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Then have, no insist that your BH schedules a polygraph test.

Last edited by TheRoad; 01/22/13 10:10 AM.
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Originally Posted By: Trueform


This good man, the man who married me, who wanted me, is still trying with everything in him to protect me. He even tried to protect me from all of you.

You are all right; I am a liar you saw right through me.



You said you've been lying to us because your husband has been reading this thread, so you were trying to keep your posts consistent with the lies you've been telling him. You've been deceiving the posters who've been trying to help you. As a natural consequence, the posters have become upset with you. It seems like your husband tries to protect you from the natural consequences of your actions. I suspect that is part of the reason you avoid taking responsibility.

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TF, your job is not to convince the other forum posters you are telling the truth. Your job is to tell your BH the truth.

I am a FWW. I received a lot of hard knocks when I arrived here. I had trickle-truthed my husband for 4 months after he discovered my adultery and my adulterous relationship ended. I often find myself wondering if I had just been honest from the get-go, could we have recovered? I thought I was "protecting" his feelings, but in reality I was only protecting my own selfish azz, because I believed he would leave me if he found out the truth. Lying to my husband simply compounded the damage I had done by cheating on him. I ended up taking a poly, but it was too little, too late for us. I wrote this to another poster in similar circumstances a while back:

Originally Posted By: wulffpack_girl
Imagine you and your BH decide to remodel your house. There are things each of you don't like about it, ways that maybe the kitchen is not set up 'just right' to meet your needs. Perhaps there are parts of the house that have simply fallen into disrepair, and you want to restore it to its former glory.

So you begin your renovation projects. First you begin by tearing out all that is worn, outdated, or broken beyond repair. Then you begin to rebuild, taking time and effort to create something of beauty.

Your BH has left you the job of tearing up the carpet in the living room. When you pull the carpet up, you see that the floorboards are rotten. You know that it will take a lot of time and effort to repair it properly, because rot needs to be completely taken out and replaced with new material. You decide you don't want to take the time, and you make the decision - on your own - to simply lay the new carpet over the rotten floorboards. You think your BH will never find out.

Problem is, the rot spreads. It seeps through the new carpet and leaves stains. You shift the furniture around, move an area rug over in that corner, and smile happily. There, you think. All covered up.

You and your BH complete all your rebuilding and have a showplace of a home. It's gorgeous, everything you ever wanted.

What you failed to consider was that the rot started to smell. Your BH smelled it and became suspicious, and started investigating to find out what was causing the odor. He searched high and low, and finally, under the new carpet in the living room, covered by a rug and a piece of furniture, he finds the rotten floorboards. Now they are so rotten, the floor can barely hold weight.

In mere moments, the beautiful home you built, on a rotten foundation, is ripped to shreds. You have to tear out all the work that has been done because the damage is too severe. The cost of repairs is even greater than the original work, and your BH is crushed, that all his efforts were for nothing. His efforts were wasted because YOU decided what was "best" for your house.

Yes, he may leave you when he finds out the truth. My BH eventually did. He tried to stay, he tried to love me, but I did such a good job for four months of covering up the rot in our marriage that he can't believe there's no more rot there, somewhere.

It doesn't matter how your M was like, pre-A. Once you have an A, the old M is dead. You have to choose to rebuild it, and do it the right way. You have to give your BH the choice to decide whether to rebuild or not, to make a truly informed decision.

You cannot truly say you have repented from your sins, unless you demonstrate true remorse and repentance. You have a chance to do this, whether your M survives the truth or not.


Original here.

There are many similarities between our situations, including the title of your BH's post which is so eerily similar to my own STBXBH. And if you don't want to be referring to your BH as your "STBXBH" like me, I suggest you start pulling out all the stops NOW.

I can't speak to forgiveness, either Godly or self-forgiveness. I have asked God for His forgiveness, but the best I've been able to reach with myself is a sort of acceptance. It happened, I can't undo it...and my life, my daughters' lives, and the life of my husband are irrevocably changed. I don't have the forgiveness of my H, which was what I wanted most of all. I'm what they call a cautionary tale, hon.


FWW

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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Today my husband surprised me with a polygraph. Here are the questions, answers and results.


Q. Has Trueform every had sexual intercourse with any Om since your wedding day?
A. No

Q. Did Trueform have sexual contact with the OM on the night in question?
A. No

Q. Is LatefortheSky the only man Trueform wants to be married to?
A. Yes

The polygraph results are I told the truth.


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Sweet now you two can move forward with recovery! Do you know what EPs are and the concept of JC. Please take time and read the site and learn this. Also keep in mind your husband is in charge of recovery. He decides the EPs and drives the bus in this aspect. POJA doesn't apply to subjects of your affair and recovery.

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A polygraph can only test your memory of something that occurred in the past. The third question is not a legitimate polygraph question. A legitimate polygraph examiner would not have agreed to test that question. I'm afraid that calls the accuracy of your results into question.

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It has been a very difficult week with all of you pushing, but somethings came out that needed to and all of you helped me.

Thank you!

My prayer is this gave my husband hope for our future.


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Bravo, Trueform! hurray


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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