Yes he encourages daters to interview several people from their sweetie's past. He says the results are usually very enlightening!!

Do you know HER motivation for wanting to be with you? You rode to her rescue. Do you represent security for her? Would she be able to make it without you? Did she NEED you for a place to stay?

Will your retirement be set if you get involved in a marriage and things don't work out?


Has she dealt with the issues resulting from her bad divorce or do you notice some events trigger things in her. Are you set up to fail because she still has baggage to deal with?

So you are the white knight rescuing the damsel in distress. Is this love for her or is it convenience?




Danger Will Robinson DANGER. Lets look at the stats. Third time around marriage have around a 90% failure rate to start. Add in blended family issues and financial issues and voila you have a very precarious mixture of issues to juggle.
You are close to retirement age. If the youngest goes to college you will be looking at another 12 years of being daddy. That puts you to 70. Is that something you want to do?

You state one of the children already has behavioral issues. That sounds like you are going to add in even more frustration. Why is he going to listen to you? And the potential of your new wife resenting you for getting involved or not getting involved seems likely to me. Being a step daddy at this phase of life seems fraught with potential problems.

If I were you as much as it is delightful to have the company of a younger gorgeous lady I would not go any further. In my opinion she is looking for the security you offer, and the ability to have her kids more often. Your relationship will change from what it is now as you will be raising the kids together.

Also you have to move. Something you do not want to do, to raise kids you do not seem all that thrilled with. The potential for resentment on all sides seems high to me.

So why is her clock ticking? What is the rush? Who benefits from rushing and locking things down? It doesn't sound to me like you are gaining anything special. She has lots to gain.

If your gut reaction is giving you reservations there may be reason for that. You may want to surge ahead in spite of the statistics. Dr. Harley says most affairs don't over 2 years. I think that makes sense as in that time-frame you get to experience most sides of the the other person. How well do you know her? Spending habits? How she views discipline? Will she favor her kids over you? What does she feel she needs to contribute to the relationship?

From what you describe from your introduction it seems you have good reason to proceed slowly.

Good luck
BCBoy

As a woman with a teenaged son, Dr. Harley advised me to not marry until he is grown and on his own, and I would think that he'd advise the flip side of don't marry a woman with children (especially older ones). Just wait until they're grown and keep up the dates until then. Exactly what clock is ticking anyway?

Dr. Harley does not always advise this.

Okay, though I think I remember hearing once on a show him advising a man in a similar situation to wait. I want to be clear, too, I meant older children.