I am a 58 yr old male, well established, good job, own my home, retirement set, good physical shape,etc.
Do you know HER motivation for wanting to be with you? You rode to her rescue. Do you represent security for her? Would she be able to make it without you? Did she NEED you for a place to stay?
Will your retirement be set if you get involved in a marriage and things don't work out?
I met a woman with 3 kids 10, 14 and 15, 1-1/2 years ago who had gone through a bad divorce,
Has she dealt with the issues resulting from her bad divorce or do you notice some events trigger things in her. Are you set up to fail because she still has baggage to deal with?
SHE lived in her guest room to take care of the kids until her ex decided to get remarried and told her it was time to leave. I knew her from my gym and offered her a place to stay in one of my bedrooms.
So you are the white knight rescuing the damsel in distress. Is this love for her or is it convenience?
Her ex has the kids most of the time but we take them out and they stay with us some but we are 20 miles from their school district.
To marry her would mean that I have to sell my home in which I love and move to a place that is actually closer to work, but a place that I don't like as much and also live with her boys 50% of the time and be involved with their lives. I do like, but not love them. One has bad behavior occasionally.
Danger Will Robinson DANGER. Lets look at the stats. Third time around marriage have around a 90% failure rate to start. Add in blended family issues and financial issues and voila you have a very precarious mixture of issues to juggle.
You are close to retirement age. If the youngest goes to college you will be looking at another 12 years of being daddy. That puts you to 70. Is that something you want to do?
You state one of the children already has behavioral issues. That sounds like you are going to add in even more frustration. Why is he going to listen to you? And the potential of your new wife resenting you for getting involved or not getting involved seems likely to me. Being a step daddy at this phase of life seems fraught with potential problems.
Just asking for other thoughts here. Am I, as a 58 yr old, too old to get involved into a situation like this? I really hate to lose her and even more, hurt her feelings, but I just feel some reservations.
Any input would be appreciated and thanks.
If I were you as much as it is delightful to have the company of a younger gorgeous lady I would not go any further. In my opinion she is looking for the security you offer, and the ability to have her kids more often. Your relationship will change from what it is now as you will be raising the kids together.
Also you have to move. Something you do not want to do, to raise kids you do not seem all that thrilled with. The potential for resentment on all sides seems high to me.
So why is her clock ticking? What is the rush? Who benefits from rushing and locking things down? It doesn't sound to me like you are gaining anything special. She has lots to gain.
If your gut reaction is giving you reservations there may be reason for that. You may want to surge ahead in spite of the statistics. Dr. Harley says most affairs don't over 2 years. I think that makes sense as in that time-frame you get to experience most sides of the the other person. How well do you know her? Spending habits? How she views discipline? Will she favor her kids over you? What does she feel she needs to contribute to the relationship?
From what you describe from your introduction it seems you have good reason to proceed slowly.