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I would recommend exposing his affair to close family and friends so that you can get the support and help that you desperately need and move into Plan B.
Hugs.
SP12, I am so very sorry for your pain. Please, please follow Susie's advice. Your husband is endangering your health with his affair<s>. Expose his affair today to your family and friends.
Go to him TODAY and give him one last opportunity to make this right. If he won't make it right, you must separate from him immediately. You cannot afford to be around such a dangerous, reckless person in your state. He will cause you to have a nervous breakdown.
Here is what he must do immediately:
1. come completely clean, giving you all the names, contact information, everything about his OW
2. exchange phones with you and cancel his email account, facebook account and any other venue that was used to facilitate his affair
3. agree to never spend the night apart from you again. If he has a traveling job, then he has to find a way to be with you every night until he finds a new job
4. send his OW a no contact letter that can be hand delivered to the mailbox by you
5. Allow you to look at everything on his phone immediately [give him no opportunity to erase and hide things]
If he won't agree to those things, you should ask him to leave immediately and then we will help you go into Plan B. This is what Dr Harley would tell you to do.
Here is the list of EPs from his book Surviving an Affair.
From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67
The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.
These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.
Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.