Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 27 of 36 1 2 25 26 27 28 29 35 36
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Originally Posted by SFL
Also, I am going to add a line in there saying that I've shipped his things to (address here) which is OW's address! I'm sure she'll love boxes of his crap arriving at his door.

If you have not done this...DON'T


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
CA Law:
http://www.courts.ca.gov/1040.htm

If you have not read through your state's divorce laws, please do so. Do not blindly trust your attorney...and it can be overwhelming to remember everything the attorney says anyway so use this for future reference. It is a bit early but there is also a thread in the Divorce Forum about financial considerations during divorce. CA is a community state...property and debt laws are different in community states.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 243
S
SFL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 243
Originally Posted by black_raven
]

If you have not done this...DON'T

Oops. Why not? already shipped some stuff....
Didn't know where else to ship it. frown


BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Originally Posted by SFL
Originally Posted by black_raven
]

If you have not done this...DON'T

Oops. Why not? already shipped some stuff....
Didn't know where else to ship it. frown

Because if you are filing/serving papers soon you don't want to give WH any ammo about you not acting responsibly. You can't ask that of him and then not apply it to yourself. I get it, SFL...MBers get it but unfortunately the courts don't always care and you don't want to look bad. Avoid tit for tat and let him look like the jerk...because he is and he will be his own undoing.



BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
You are still reeling from everything and need to force yourself to follow MB plans
A until B

B while undergoing D

and stop reacting to every little thing your H says or does right now.

Imagine that you are in a protective bubble where your magical wife self lives.

That woman (you) simply, firmly states her boundaries as wife and acts like the best woman she can be while the D train heads down the track.

It doesn't mean letting H and his mistress have their way by not exposing nor does it mean getting into the fray of tit for tat.

It means showing yourself, along with showing others that you are a woman of value. Great value.







Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
Perhaps you could go back to the beach house until he is served?

If he tries to serve you, he will expect you to be at your house. He won't be hiding because he doesn't know you will be serving him. Answer just enough texts to keep him thinking you are still "on the grid". You just need to mis-direct him for two days. Make it seem like you are at home.


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by SFL
I really need everyone's help right now. This has gotten messy and WH is getting ugly.
His texts have gotten out of control:
"Making these threats, worse, following through looks really bad for you in court. Damaging me financially for malicious purposes. I don't want to go there Please."

"I am exiting to avoid the scar on my career but I am doing it because you are coercing me. What are you trying to accomplish. I told him you were threatening to 'expose' me that's why I wanted to exit. I told him everything and came as clean as I could."

AND THEN HE TEXTED ME:
"So you posted your cheaterville profile to my work FAcebook page?? You said you would give me time to exit gracefully. Clearly, you did not. This just got ugly. Don't play dumb."
*** I did nothing of the sort. Apparently someone created a fake fb profile "sarah marie" and posted onto his work FB page asking them to investigate WH and knowing some facts about their relationship that I don't even think I revealed on this board (I'll have to check)
He then said:
"I will fight so dirty now. I will do everything in my power to lock you up for extortion and take the kids from you." He then accused me of horrible things.

He also sent an email to "his attorney" saying he forwarded my texts of giving him 30 days and the cheaterville post with their response being:
"The DA prosecutes criminal cases so contacting the DA's office is a good idea."

I don't know if he is making all of this up to make me think his career is already "ruined." but I am scared.

Is giving him 30 days extortion? I have no idea who posted cheaterville link on his work page but it was not me. Is the fact that I created a cheaterville page going to be held against me in court?

Please advise. He is now calling saying if I pull back he will pull back.

No, Cheaterville is freedom of speech.
There is even a "Cheaters" Television show broadcast on national television.
Exposing affairs is NOT illegal!
Just look at Bill Clinton,,,, a federal employee named Linda Tripp exposed his affairs and he faced consequences!
If it were illegal, then Secret Service would have arrested Ms. Tripp and imprisoned her.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by SFL
Originally Posted by black_raven
]

If you have not done this...DON'T

Oops. Why not? already shipped some stuff....
Didn't know where else to ship it. frown


If you still can, reroute it to a storage facility or relatives so he can pick it up from a neutral place.

If not don't worry too much. It is the place you have proof he stays at, and so a reasonable forwarding address in a separation. I wouldn't have recommended you help move him in with her, but you're quite right that it will put her and him into real life 'what do we do with this crap' mode. Besides you'll be in Plan B and won't have to worry about conflict, they'll turn on each other.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by SFL
Originally Posted by reading
You actually invited a lot of reality to rush into the affair.

That is why they are so upset.

It isn't hot and romantic and sexy right now.

Relax. Stay strong. Don't lovebust. Don't veer.

And, get a pedicure today (if you like that sort of thing).

I did get a pedicure! hurray


A natural!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
You are actually a lot more restrained than I was.. I wanted to personally by hand tip 20+ years of his hoarding onto OW's lawn! MBers talked me down from that idea smile


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by SFL
Originally Posted by black_raven
]

If you have not done this...DON'T

Oops. Why not? already shipped some stuff....
Didn't know where else to ship it. frown


If you still can, reroute it to a storage facility or relatives so he can pick it up from a neutral place.

If not don't worry too much. It is the place you have proof he stays at, and so a reasonable forwarding address in a separation. I wouldn't have recommended you help move him in with her, but you're quite right that it will put her and him into real life 'what do we do with this crap' mode. Besides you'll be in Plan B and won't have to worry about conflict, they'll turn on each other.

LOL. My old neighbor was married years ago, and his wife apparently had a boyfriend on the side that she never dumped when they got married and she left to be with him one night...

He told me that he loaded all of her stuff into his van and dropped it off on her dad's front lawn!

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Also known as Plan FU....


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 24
I
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
I
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 24
Geezzzz I wish I had known about MB when I was going through everything years ago! I love the thought of throwing my ex H stuff out. I could not get him to leave and I was done! I'm sure you all could have helped with that. As it was, I finally did get him out after months of asking him to leave. I simply told him I was going to call the sheriff about his pot smoking. Gone in a few days!


Me: BS
ExH: WS - Divorced Him in 2002.
Married to the love of my life now.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by inloveforlife
Geezzzz I wish I had known about MB when I was going through everything years ago! I love the thought of throwing my ex H stuff out. I could not get him to leave and I was done! I'm sure you all could have helped with that. As it was, I finally did get him out after months of asking him to leave. I simply told him I was going to call the sheriff about his pot smoking. Gone in a few days!


That's not a bad method.

Me, he said he wanted to only take an overnight bag and he also wanted to take his key (keep in mind that he 'hated me forever' post exposure and we didn't have any children - so why just one foot out the door). So I just nodded and said 'uh huh sweetie', changed the locks and had his stuff sent on.


Last edited by indiegirl; 05/29/14 10:35 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 24
I
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
I
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 24
Well it did the trick and it was all I could think of at the time since he was firmly planted. It felt very GOOD to make the right choice for myself.

I enjoy seeing BS's taking the right steps on here, despite the enormous fear and emotional turmoil.


Me: BS
ExH: WS - Divorced Him in 2002.
Married to the love of my life now.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
How are you doing, SFL?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 243
S
SFL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 243
Doing Ok. He has gotten so ugly with his texts to me- and really broke me down emotionally, but my lawyer assured me all his accusations were baseless and will only make him look bad in court.

Unfortunately the funds from the investment account are "in transit" and might not get here until MOnday or Tuesday. We are serving him tomorrow at 7:30pm because we really want to file first....

Hopefully he isn't able to intercept the funds in transit but we shall see.

Thanks so much for checking in.


BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708

Be strong.







Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Originally Posted by SFL
Doing Ok. He has gotten so ugly with his texts to me- and really broke me down emotionally, but my lawyer assured me all his accusations were baseless and will only make him look bad in court.

Unfortunately the funds from the investment account are "in transit" and might not get here until MOnday or Tuesday. We are serving him tomorrow at 7:30pm because we really want to file first....

Hopefully he isn't able to intercept the funds in transit but we shall see.

Thanks so much for checking in.

Can you go into plan B now and change your phone number? Have you given him the plan B letter with your IM's info? Maybe the person serving him can include your letter if you haven't given it to him yet.


Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by SFL
Doing Ok. He has gotten so ugly with his texts to me- and really broke me down emotionally, but my lawyer assured me all his accusations were baseless and will only make him look bad in court.

Unfortunately the funds from the investment account are "in transit" and might not get here until MOnday or Tuesday. We are serving him tomorrow at 7:30pm because we really want to file first....

Hopefully he isn't able to intercept the funds in transit but we shall see.

Thanks so much for checking in.


The vile behaviour is typical. When can your Plan B start?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Page 27 of 36 1 2 25 26 27 28 29 35 36

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 55 guests, and 58 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82
71,727 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,728
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5