|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
Assume that my therapist is right and that I am not fighting her and I'm not yelling at her. That is really what is happening. See my comment above. The problem is that it really did happen (the fighting) 20 previous times. That is now part of her emotional package on this topic in any present conversations.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 10/22/14 11:00 PM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
And, as we have seen on this board, Marmit, you have quite the arsenal of mean and putdowns to have used in your 20 fights with her.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863 |
you have ......insinuated that you know how I talk to my wife better than myself and a therapist, She knows how you talk to her better than you know how you talk to her. And she is telling you in no uncertain terms that she does not like how you communicate with her. Dr. Harley's foundational premise is that the recipient of the message is the judge of the message, not the speaker. It is much easier to deliver your messages in a way she feels are productive than to insist she should feel different about your current method of delivery.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Also, if you have any sort of advice like, "If she isn't going to fulfill your needs you should split," then take your advice and your guilt elsewhere. I am never going to quit on my wife.  Guilt about what?  Your comment is rude. Taking your frustration out on posters is not going to help you or your marriage.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
And I don't want advice from anyone who would jump to divorce or unfaithfulness. Yeah MB is so very pro-unfaithfulness and immediately jumps to divorce when there is a sexual problem in the marriage.  You obviously have not read anything on this site. If you don't come back, then good luck to you. After three therapists and with a wife who doesn't enjoy sex with you, you will need it.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Assume that my therapist is right and that I am not fighting her and I'm not yelling at her. That is really what is happening. Please listen to the clips in here. Beware of Bad Counselors
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391 |
Maybe it's because I viewed the comment that is being discussed as just a plea to not attempt to just pack his bags and leave the marriage, I did not feel that dictate was rude or offensive.
"Also, if you have any sort of advice like, "If she isn't going to fulfill your needs you should split," then take your advice and your guilt elsewhere. I am never going to quit on my wife."
Possibly he has received or read advice previously that suggested that option as the most obvious conclusion AND He Doesn't Want To Give Up On His Wife.
That's how I read it. The following comments are extremely defensive and reactionary and antagonistic, so it would seem that that some posters hit a sore spot.
Maybe there is something for him to start to learn if this thread can get off that rollercoaster. That will not be productive.
LTL
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784 |
I too did not perceive this new poster was rude. It appears he does not have a lot of background about Dr Harley's philosophy and principles which is understandable as he just arrived.
He sounded a bit burned from past experiences w/other counselors and in his comment he is pleading his hope this site does not promote unfaithfulness and anti-marriage orientation.
The various strong reactions seemed to convince each side of the others rudeness. In the end I know each individual and this site want the same thing.
I hope he comes back. It would be great Marmit if you would email the Harley's radio show for help. I'm sure it will be like no other counsel and actually benefit your marriage.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 217
Administrator Member
|
|
Administrator Member
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 217 |
Let's drop this subject and help this poster find solutions. Rehashing disagreements helps no one!
MBDenali@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 209
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 209 |
***EDIT***
Marmit424, here is my advice to you:
Take VERY seriously the possibility that you may be doing some pretty bad "lovebusters" towards your wife.
I know, you will probably think that "you don't" - - and that is a natural first reaction. But I sense the opposite is quite possibly true. The fact that you have had so many fights about the subject makes me think there have been some very damaging words spoken from you towards your wife.
So, please tell me: Have there been?
Last edited by Toujours; 10/24/14 03:01 PM. Reason: Stop rehashing this disagreement
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,346
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,346 |
Marmit424, welcome to MB! Wish it could have been under better circumstances.
Firstly, congratulations on your new marriage!
With respect to your situation, you sound like you are really hurting a lot. Many people here have already provided you with some suggestions. There are a few more ideas from MB that I have that could help you, but you have not seemed to sign on in a while, so I am wondering if you are gone or not.
If you are still with us, please let us know more of the background to your situation. How are the two of you? What kind of a job do you each have? What kind of an education? Interests? With regard to sex, how much of an experience have each of you had prior to your relationship?
Me: 50. W: 50. Happily married since 1993. 3 kids.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
211
guests, and
52
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,964
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
