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There is no rule you have to meet with him. Change the locks and leave town if you like. He hasnt lived there in months. He may not have the right to get inside. And if you go solid plan b before then, you wont have to hear the tantrum.

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I feel that if he comes home, he will remember what it feels like to be home. Also, he needs to get certain possessions from here. I can't stop him from doing that.

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Originally Posted by apples123
There is no rule you have to meet with him. Change the locks and leave town if you like. He hasnt lived there in months. He may not have the right to get inside. And if you go solid plan b before then, you wont have to hear the tantrum.

I cannot leave town, I have to work and go to school. This is impossible.

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Originally Posted by needinput
Yes, but like the attorney told me I am legally obligated to respond to his divorce claim within 30 days of signing that I have receive the papers. Can I just NOT sign that I have received the papers?

Like I am trying to say NeedInput - the response within 30 days does not mean you are divorced in 30 days.

You can respond with a disagreement that both parties are incompatible.

Additionally, I do not think you need to spin your wheels too hard about the D papers. Lets focus on Plan B preparations. You are not positive that he even is going to get divorce papers (or does he already have them?) In some cases the Plaintiff (you WH) will not deliver the papers but someone from the attorney your husband went to. In my state you do not have to sign any form that you were served, but my wife did not deliver them to me.

Lets take it one step at a time.

Originally Posted by needinput
Ok,I need a summary here:

1. Contact IG
2. Contact commander personally
3. Send a plan B letter, in which I request he ends the affair and not come back home until he ends it
4. Go no contact until he ends the affair (How do I know he has ended it?)

By the way, he WILL be coming home - that is for sure. I KNOW he will be coming home no matter my request. So he can be sending me the divorce papers through the intermediary then.

I would make sure you are not at the apartment when he arrives. Have a Plan B letter ready inside the apartment for when he gets there.

You won't know he ended the affair. The other part people miss about Plan B is that the Wayward not only ends the affair - but wants to reconcile. That means you only come out of Plan B when he ends the affair and he approaches you again agreeing to your plan of martial recovery.

Basically, you will know when to come out of Plan B because he will be different and maybe (if your lucky, most are not) he will be sorry for what he did.

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I was agreeing that you dont need to be home when he shows up.

If he needs something that badly, he can request it via attorney. He should not have access to your home. Has he changed his address yet?

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Originally Posted by apples123
Respond on day 30 if you want to delay. Divorce generally takes a minimum of 6 months if both parties agree about everything.

Be prepared to countersue. He will probably cite irreconcilable difference. You can cite the affair. People may tell you it will mak no difference to the divorce but IIWY I would want the truthinthe legal record.

The attorney told me the divorce can take anywhere from 45 days to 6 months depending on the status of the marriage. In our case, we have no property or kids so it will be fast. About citing the affair, yes, that is exactly what I will do.

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Originally Posted by apples123
I was agreeing that you dont need to be home when he shows up.

If he needs something that badly, he can request it via attorney. He should not have access to your home. Has he changed his address yet?

No, he uses our home address for most things because he was deployed. And, he will be moving to another station in a different state in 4 months. So most of his possessions are here.

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Originally Posted by needinput
Originally Posted by apples123
I was agreeing that you dont need to be home when he shows up.

If he needs something that badly, he can request it via attorney. He should not have access to your home. Has he changed his address yet?

No, he uses our home address for most things because he was deployed. And, he will be moving to another station in a different state in 4 months. So most of his possessions are here.

Don't worry about his stuff. Your safety and sanity first.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Well, I am about to call his superiors personally. It breaks my heart for him. I asked the IG to give me his commanders contact info and he did not. I am not sure why.

Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 03:52 PM.
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Originally Posted by LostOnWestCoast
Originally Posted by needinput
Originally Posted by apples123
I was agreeing that you dont need to be home when he shows up.

If he needs something that badly, he can request it via attorney. He should not have access to your home. Has he changed his address yet?

No, he uses our home address for most things because he was deployed. And, he will be moving to another station in a different state in 4 months. So most of his possessions are here.

Don't worry about his stuff. Your safety and sanity first.

+100

I care about taking care of you. You did not create this situation. I want the best outcome for you. I dont want him in your house because he is actively working against you.

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I just talked to his superiors. I was told they will talk to my husband on Friday and call me back with updates. I told the Sgt. that I have contacted the IG but I did not mention that I have not yet submitted the form. I will wait until Friday to see what happens.

Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 04:37 PM.
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Originally Posted by needinput
Well, I am about to call his superiors personally. It breaks my heart for him. I asked the IG to give me his commanders contact info and he did not. I am not sure why.

He apparently is still overseas.

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Originally Posted by needinput
I just talked to his superiors. I was told they will talk to my husband on Friday and call me back with updates. I told the Sgt. that I have contacted the IG but I did not mention that I have not yet submitted the form. I will wait until Friday to see what happens.

I would get the form submitted today and get this going.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Does he use social media?

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Originally Posted by apples123
Does he use social media?

He never did in the past but after meeting this woman he is using KakaoTalk and Google Hangouts I think. He does not have facebook. At least, not that I know of. I saw messages from this woman and I know her picture and name but I do not know what messaging they use. I made an account in KakaoTalk and searched by username but could not find her. He probably told her to change her picture and username because I know now who she is.

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I am thinking to ask his command on Friday if it is possible to keep him there and not allow him to take his leave and come here. After my husband gets questioned on Friday, I am expecting him to be calling me. Should I be talking to him or not?

Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 05:16 PM.
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be in Plan B by then.

Did you record those photos and text?

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No, he saw me and took his phone from me; he has passcode on his phone but I just clicked on one of the 4 icons on the front page and was able to see a message from her - I did this a couple of times. It was just her username picture that appears right by the text, not photos.

Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 05:39 PM.
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here read this.
How to Plan B Correctly
Have you read this? It has Plan B Letter Samples and the IM training link.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here read this.
How to Plan B Correctly
Have you read this? It has Plan B Letter Samples and the IM training link.


Thank you, I will look into it.

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